Well, this new years post is coming a lot earlier than usual. I have work, and I need to start getting ready in... about an hour. Less than, really.
A lot of people seem to not regret this past year... and for once I sort of do. I don't regret the whole year, don't get me wrong. I just regret some things I did. Like... leaving that one person when they were so clearly not good, not telling my crush I liked him when I had more than enough chances, and all the lying I've done.
I guess, for the most part I do feel content with how the year went. I accomplished many things. Compared to last year, this year has been a whirlwind. I... I can remember what I was doing last new years eve. I was at my parent's house, late night on the computer. I was talking to people as they celebrated the new year... and then said goodbye until there was only one.
He and I have had something... complicated. But, at the time there wasn't anything complicated about it. Virtually... we shared a midnight kiss...
Now? I don't even talk to him any more. It's sad, but I guess that's how life goes.
I just need to learn from what happened... and make this year better. In the end, this wasn't a bad year.
I wish all of you a good New Years!
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or
hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? No, in all
these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
-- Romans 8:35-37
Friday
Wednesday
Eeeeeeffffffffffff............
Yes. That was necessary.
One of my best friends (also known as practically my lover)likes the same guy I do. What do I do?!
Honestly, I'm happy for her, because this is basically the first guy she's ever liked. I think they'd make a cute couple, and they already have such a perfect relationship. Personally? I think she should go for it. If her heart is into it... she should do it.
Plus, she doesn't know I like him either. She's just about the only one I haven't told, and the only one that hasn't surmised. They... they should be together. I mean, what can I really do? They're both my friends and I'm going to stand by both of them. I'm not sure how else to come at this.
BUT I CAN'T KEEP THIS TO MYSELF. I feel so bad for thinking that, but it's true. I'm going to try my hardest not to think about it too much but... ugh. Right now, that's the only thing running through my mind.
*sigh* Ok. I can do this...
We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so,
because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one
of you has for each other is increasing.
-- 2 Thessalonians 1:3
Yes. That was necessary.
One of my best friends (also known as practically my lover)likes the same guy I do. What do I do?!
Honestly, I'm happy for her, because this is basically the first guy she's ever liked. I think they'd make a cute couple, and they already have such a perfect relationship. Personally? I think she should go for it. If her heart is into it... she should do it.
Plus, she doesn't know I like him either. She's just about the only one I haven't told, and the only one that hasn't surmised. They... they should be together. I mean, what can I really do? They're both my friends and I'm going to stand by both of them. I'm not sure how else to come at this.
BUT I CAN'T KEEP THIS TO MYSELF. I feel so bad for thinking that, but it's true. I'm going to try my hardest not to think about it too much but... ugh. Right now, that's the only thing running through my mind.
*sigh* Ok. I can do this...
We ought always to thank God for you, brothers, and rightly so,
because your faith is growing more and more, and the love every one
of you has for each other is increasing.
-- 2 Thessalonians 1:3
Monday
Soo... I've rediscovered how fun it is to color.
In the sophistic way, of course. I've been using my image editing program to color in some pictures. And they take a LONG time.
So far, I like that one the most. I personally love how Belle looks... but that's just me.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your
soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as
yourself.
-- Matthew 22:37-39
In the sophistic way, of course. I've been using my image editing program to color in some pictures. And they take a LONG time.
So far, I like that one the most. I personally love how Belle looks... but that's just me.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your
soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as
yourself.
-- Matthew 22:37-39
Wednesday
Now that NaNo is not eating my soul (50,038 words this year) maybe I have some time to reflect...
November... what a crazy month.
Started a job. (That sucks butt, by the way)
Celebrated a birthday.
Thanksgiving.
Wrote a novel.
A slip in my grades. (But they're back up now- I have 5 A's and 2 B's- with my lowest grade being an 83, and the other easily able to be pulled up).
It's... pretty awesome. I feel like this month went by fast.
Thanksgiving... was OK. I mean, I worked on Thanksgiving day and cried a lot.
But I saw my niece, so that made it more worthwhile.
I dunno. I'm feeling spacey. I'll call it quits for right now.
Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives
of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.
-- Psalm 97:10
November... what a crazy month.
Started a job. (That sucks butt, by the way)
Celebrated a birthday.
Thanksgiving.
Wrote a novel.
A slip in my grades. (But they're back up now- I have 5 A's and 2 B's- with my lowest grade being an 83, and the other easily able to be pulled up).
It's... pretty awesome. I feel like this month went by fast.
Thanksgiving... was OK. I mean, I worked on Thanksgiving day and cried a lot.
But I saw my niece, so that made it more worthwhile.
I dunno. I'm feeling spacey. I'll call it quits for right now.
Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives
of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.
-- Psalm 97:10
So much has gone on, probably... but I'm super tired so I'll just do a recap of something recent that's happened. Sunday I died my hair blue, but had to go to an interview so I had to wash it all out... and got a green tint. I got the job and start on Friday. Cold weather starting to kick in and I'm starting to want good driving gloves and something to keep my car from frosting. I have fallen in love with Snow Patrol. I have been plodding along in NaNo... I have about 18,700 words... which is ahead.
Today I got a call from the sister of a guy I like. A bit awkward because it was done in secret... but she adhered to the one thing I asked her to do, and that was to tell him that she called. I didn't mind talking to her, because I found it to be that she cared. I would have done the the same thing, probably. It felt weird because I was at the library when she called. However... I'm happy it happened... but it makes me so torn. It's not that long of a story, I just don't want to talk about it. Time to go to bed before I lose it all.
[Jesus said,] "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your
neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your
Father in heaven."
-- Matthew 5:43-45
Today I got a call from the sister of a guy I like. A bit awkward because it was done in secret... but she adhered to the one thing I asked her to do, and that was to tell him that she called. I didn't mind talking to her, because I found it to be that she cared. I would have done the the same thing, probably. It felt weird because I was at the library when she called. However... I'm happy it happened... but it makes me so torn. It's not that long of a story, I just don't want to talk about it. Time to go to bed before I lose it all.
[Jesus said,] "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your
neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your
Father in heaven."
-- Matthew 5:43-45
Friday
Aaah... warm feelings :D. I decided to go to my school football game tonight, mostly for the band. I watched the game for about 15 minutes, and then I saw one of my band friends and went to bug him. I nudged him and he turned, saw me and said "I'm so happy you're here!" and hugged me. Twice. That made me really happy...
Anyway, we talked the rest of the game until he had to go back onto the band bus. Where... he gave me another hug. I was really happy to just spend time with him, especially since all the other friends that he could have talked to where there.... Just makes me smile that he chose me.
But yeah... sleepless weekend coming up. I think it's time to head to bed and try to get a little bit of sleep!
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,
because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not
made perfect in love.
-- 1 John 4:18
Anyway, we talked the rest of the game until he had to go back onto the band bus. Where... he gave me another hug. I was really happy to just spend time with him, especially since all the other friends that he could have talked to where there.... Just makes me smile that he chose me.
But yeah... sleepless weekend coming up. I think it's time to head to bed and try to get a little bit of sleep!
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,
because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not
made perfect in love.
-- 1 John 4:18
Thursday
So... I had a nightmare this morning. It was a funky one.
One of my friends had committed suicide. In a sense, I was being haunted by her. Her reality was superimposed on mine. So I saw what she saw. The thing was, I couldn't be around people. They were part of my reality, but not hers. So I freaked if I got close to anyone. Which sucked because I was in a crowded space with a friend of mine. I remember feeling David in there as well... Kinda awkward.
But yeah... I was fairly relieved when my alarm went off. But I was slightly scared of the dark corners of my room for awhile...
Just a short one today, because that's all that's really on my mind...
This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love
one another.
-- 1 John 3:11
One of my friends had committed suicide. In a sense, I was being haunted by her. Her reality was superimposed on mine. So I saw what she saw. The thing was, I couldn't be around people. They were part of my reality, but not hers. So I freaked if I got close to anyone. Which sucked because I was in a crowded space with a friend of mine. I remember feeling David in there as well... Kinda awkward.
But yeah... I was fairly relieved when my alarm went off. But I was slightly scared of the dark corners of my room for awhile...
Just a short one today, because that's all that's really on my mind...
This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love
one another.
-- 1 John 3:11
Tuesday
Hmmm... what about today....
Well, today was my advisory at 8AM and it went alright. Nothing spectacular. I mean, honestly... what do I tell them? I already talk to my sister about this kinda stuff. For the most part.
Anyhow, I am officially broke. I've just got a ton of spare change in my wallet :(. I'm seriously unsure of how I managed to do that... but whatever. I'm good. Not like I really go out that often anyway.
Mmm... recount yesterday? Why not.
So my friend David and I often talk a lot during class, just because we can. So, he came over and talked to me, then it was getting awkward so he left. Once he left, one of my tablemates was like "So, how long have you two been going out?" me: "Uhm... we haven't. we're just friends" and then the other was like "Oh, well you two would make a cute couple" and.... I just blush. Because I like him....
Anyway. So, yesterday I was telling tons of people that, because I just kept thinking about it. Nothing really came out of it, but it was amusing for everyone's reactions and such. It was at that point that I realized everyone that doesn't go to my school knew about it...
Then this morning. I was talking to someone I don't normally talk to. He made a comment that he was asked out like 3 times the other day... and then I mentioned the fact that people thought that David and I were going out. He was like "-insert his last name here-?!?!" and it was... (they're in band together, so that's why they my friend knew of David). And then HE said that we'd make a cute couple. That... kinda threw me off guard. But... meh. So life goes.
I dunno. It's not the first time something like this has happened so I'm not really too "freaked out" so to say. Still a bit weird.
So many people sick, too! A bit saddening, but that's the winter weather for you I guess. It's about time I bring out the warm air humidifier because it is cold in my room. Or maybe just a warmer blanket because it really isn't that cold yet.
Today's weather was amazing though. About noon-ish was perfection. 8AM was just cold.
Uhm... I'm really tired. I think it's time to head off and do something else.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who
call on you.
-- Psalm 86:5
Well, today was my advisory at 8AM and it went alright. Nothing spectacular. I mean, honestly... what do I tell them? I already talk to my sister about this kinda stuff. For the most part.
Anyhow, I am officially broke. I've just got a ton of spare change in my wallet :(. I'm seriously unsure of how I managed to do that... but whatever. I'm good. Not like I really go out that often anyway.
Mmm... recount yesterday? Why not.
So my friend David and I often talk a lot during class, just because we can. So, he came over and talked to me, then it was getting awkward so he left. Once he left, one of my tablemates was like "So, how long have you two been going out?" me: "Uhm... we haven't. we're just friends" and then the other was like "Oh, well you two would make a cute couple" and.... I just blush. Because I like him....
Anyway. So, yesterday I was telling tons of people that, because I just kept thinking about it. Nothing really came out of it, but it was amusing for everyone's reactions and such. It was at that point that I realized everyone that doesn't go to my school knew about it...
Then this morning. I was talking to someone I don't normally talk to. He made a comment that he was asked out like 3 times the other day... and then I mentioned the fact that people thought that David and I were going out. He was like "-insert his last name here-?!?!" and it was... (they're in band together, so that's why they my friend knew of David). And then HE said that we'd make a cute couple. That... kinda threw me off guard. But... meh. So life goes.
I dunno. It's not the first time something like this has happened so I'm not really too "freaked out" so to say. Still a bit weird.
So many people sick, too! A bit saddening, but that's the winter weather for you I guess. It's about time I bring out the warm air humidifier because it is cold in my room. Or maybe just a warmer blanket because it really isn't that cold yet.
Today's weather was amazing though. About noon-ish was perfection. 8AM was just cold.
Uhm... I'm really tired. I think it's time to head off and do something else.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who
call on you.
-- Psalm 86:5
Friday
So, I just recently got over a bit of a depression thing. I'm now feeling tons better, mostly because I haven't fought with my sister in awhile. Which is a nice change of pace.
However, I almost feel like I have to recount this day. We had a lock in because there was threat of something at my school. So, my 4th period was only a few minutes long. That made me super happy because the quiz was postponed. Then everything went on as planned. What was really the icing on the cake was my last period, which is English. We had to choose a quote to illustrate. Anyway, one of my friends is in that class, all the way across the room. He was talking with the teacher and apparently she said something and was "offensive" (she's a very sarcastic and joking person,, so it obviously wasn't) and I hear him going "I'm going to go cry now" (obviously as a joke back) I call out across the room: "Hey ___ Don't cry" and put my hands in a heart shape. He does it back while holding a book in his hand. I go back to what I was doing, and I hear him call my name, and I see him making a heart without the book in his hands. Well.. the fact that he even did that made me smile a bit.
I think my table mates noticed that. One person was like "Do you think he's cute?" Me reply was a simple 'no' (because it's true as of right now... but things can change). One of the others asked if I liked him or something. I just said "I'm not going to comment." But you know... I could feel myself blushing.
In all honesty though, I won't be sad if all this turns out to be is a really good friendship. He's such a sweet guy that all that really matters is that nothing awkward happens between us. However... I've gotten over that, too.
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats
the matter separates close friends.
-- Proverbs 17:9
However, I almost feel like I have to recount this day. We had a lock in because there was threat of something at my school. So, my 4th period was only a few minutes long. That made me super happy because the quiz was postponed. Then everything went on as planned. What was really the icing on the cake was my last period, which is English. We had to choose a quote to illustrate. Anyway, one of my friends is in that class, all the way across the room. He was talking with the teacher and apparently she said something and was "offensive" (she's a very sarcastic and joking person,, so it obviously wasn't) and I hear him going "I'm going to go cry now" (obviously as a joke back) I call out across the room: "Hey ___ Don't cry" and put my hands in a heart shape. He does it back while holding a book in his hand. I go back to what I was doing, and I hear him call my name, and I see him making a heart without the book in his hands. Well.. the fact that he even did that made me smile a bit.
I think my table mates noticed that. One person was like "Do you think he's cute?" Me reply was a simple 'no' (because it's true as of right now... but things can change). One of the others asked if I liked him or something. I just said "I'm not going to comment." But you know... I could feel myself blushing.
In all honesty though, I won't be sad if all this turns out to be is a really good friendship. He's such a sweet guy that all that really matters is that nothing awkward happens between us. However... I've gotten over that, too.
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats
the matter separates close friends.
-- Proverbs 17:9
Every day.~From sixbillionsecrets.com
Every single day, I wish I had the strength to cut myself...or maybe even kill myself.
Just cause I'm smiling and always cracking jokes doesn't mean I'm really happy. It just means that I'm too scared of nobody caring when I let it out.
~My response
Soaring_Eagle_12
It's almost as if I posted this... I've told my friends that just because I'm smiling and giggling, doesn't mean I'm OK. I don't think any of them have realized how bad it really gets... only one person even has the faintest idea. Even then... nobody really knows. Silent suffering is harder and even worse than if you actually did start cutting yourself. I've been down that road, too.
People care so much. Stay strong, and keep telling people something is wrong. One of them will listen. I promise.
I honestly believe every word I said. I keep telling two people that I am SO close to that everything isn't what it seems on the surface... yet I don't think they really get it. They KNOW I've come close to cutting, they KNOW I'm not all "sunshine and rainbows". Yet... they don't think anything is really that wrong. Which, I mean, I can understand. If I'm not showing any signs on depression... why worry? Which is why they should worry more. One day might be my breaking point. One day I might really need help... and I won't be able to go to them.
But there IS someone that I talk to when it gets worse than usual. But even that doesn't tell you the severity of it. He knows how bad it gets.. but he doesn't know how often I'm on the brink.
In fact, no one knows. I am in silent suffering. It... it sucks. But how am I ever going to get help?
I honestly hold back on getting help for anything relating to myself. Last night? Couldn't fall asleep. My knee was in pure agony. Does anyone really care? No, of course not. I can still walk. I can still function.
Once ANYTHING gets in the way of normal functioning... it's a problem.
But I'm such a strong person... that once it topples me over... I'm going to fall hard. I wish I wouldn't be so strong, and so willing to just push stuff back... but that's the only way to deal with things. It really, honestly, truly is.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female,
for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
-- Galatians 3:28
PS: this is in NO WAY indicative of how I feel at this moment. I'm actually pretty happy, if not mellow.
Tuesday
Just a short little musing today.
This morning a discussion on depression was brought up, and the whole 'act' of cutting. One of my friends was stating what would happen if she ever started doing that... and I said, "It's not a matter of if, it's when" (for me). My friend looked at me like I was crazy.
"You don't know how close I've gotten"
"Oh no, you've told me."
"Not recently"
And the look she gave me was pure surprise. It's not the first time, but it made me realize what a strong face I put on. When I'm around people... I temporarily forget. But it's really gnawing at me sometimes. I just.... I've really come so close. I've actually held the blade to my skin and just had to ease pressure on to actually cut the skin. It's... it's scary to think about.
But anyway. I almost felt like I was going to have a breakdown in my creative writing class. Well, for the journal we could write about any topic. So I tried to write my next character for NaNo, which was Katrina Franklin, who has Major Depressive Disorder. One of my last sentences was "She may as well be me. But she's not. For one simple reason" (that's all I can recall at this point). I'm not really sure how true that statement is... but I reflected on it...
And it made me wish that someone would pay attention. See that I'm not all smiles and giggles. See that there is something wrong. But maybe they won't notice until something actually happens. If that means I have to surprise someone with my thoughts... then so be it. I will do it.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we
ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know
that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we
asked of him.
-- 1 John 5:14-15
This morning a discussion on depression was brought up, and the whole 'act' of cutting. One of my friends was stating what would happen if she ever started doing that... and I said, "It's not a matter of if, it's when" (for me). My friend looked at me like I was crazy.
"You don't know how close I've gotten"
"Oh no, you've told me."
"Not recently"
And the look she gave me was pure surprise. It's not the first time, but it made me realize what a strong face I put on. When I'm around people... I temporarily forget. But it's really gnawing at me sometimes. I just.... I've really come so close. I've actually held the blade to my skin and just had to ease pressure on to actually cut the skin. It's... it's scary to think about.
But anyway. I almost felt like I was going to have a breakdown in my creative writing class. Well, for the journal we could write about any topic. So I tried to write my next character for NaNo, which was Katrina Franklin, who has Major Depressive Disorder. One of my last sentences was "She may as well be me. But she's not. For one simple reason" (that's all I can recall at this point). I'm not really sure how true that statement is... but I reflected on it...
And it made me wish that someone would pay attention. See that I'm not all smiles and giggles. See that there is something wrong. But maybe they won't notice until something actually happens. If that means I have to surprise someone with my thoughts... then so be it. I will do it.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we
ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know
that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we
asked of him.
-- 1 John 5:14-15
Sunday
Last night I went to a friend's birthday party... to put it simply- it was amazing. I only wish I had brought my camera, just to remember it all. I mean, that's how it normally is at her parties. But, it's alright. Sometimes it's enough to just remember how it went.
Anyhow, I got there a little late... but totally not my fault. Even though she lives like a block away from me... and I drove... Uhm, yeah... not gonna explain that.
It started with a card game. I typically like games that have strategies. So, in the round that I watched, and the actual rules being told to me... I figured it out. And I won. That's pretty amazing. Then they played for second place. It was hilarious at one moment, because everyone was looking up and talking. Then my friend put down a "slap" card. I look down and see this, and just smack my hand down as hard as I can and move it away so I don't get hurt. Everyone jumped and slapped their hands down in an instant. It was so funny because everyone else was like "was it really a slap?". I dunno... maybe you really had to be there. But the fact that everyone dropped the conversation and slapped their hands down was funny.
Then we went to the park.... oh boy. This NEVER ends well. But it's always fun. Anyway. It started with me walking backwards, all the way to the park (because I like to see the faces of the people I'm talking to... or at least be able to if I want). Then, it went into a discussion of who we would trust with our lives in that group. Out of the 5 there... I would have trusted 2 of them. Very sad, indeed. It's not that I don't trust the other 3... I would just be very scared if I had to depend on them to live. But ya know... Anyway. It started with playing on the jungle gym. And then it went to playing with a nerf football. Last year, it ended up with me getting tackled. By everyone. This year, I avoided that. And it made me very happy.
We walked home (some of us backwards). And I got very frightened with how close the car behind me parked. So I pulled forward. All the guys (all three of them) hopped into my car and were yelling "ROAD TRIP". It was very interesting... Then I felt happier having a few more inches between the back of my car and the front of the other.
Dinnar time. A veggie burger for me, of course. Lit a fire... and well... the wind made us a little scared. And it was cold out. I basically touched everyone's arms and made them freak out with how cold my hands were. Maybe next year I should bring a sweater and gloves... Anyhow, the fun part begins. The pinata.
Every year, something goes wrong with the pinata. One year the fence got broken, some people almost get beat, the garage door gets dented.... yeah, pretty crazy. Anyhow, nothing happened. Well, except for the pinata being broken by the second person. Pft. That's what duct tape is for.
Cake, then presents and sitting around and talking. By this point it's like 9. People slowly start leaving, and since I live the closest, I leave when the last person does. It was 10:20 when I left. Yepp. Amazing.
Got home, showered, read and lights out at 11. I was out. I had trouble staying asleep, but for the most part I was out. Dragged myself out of bed at about 8...
Overall, I had an awesome time this weekend.
"Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be
with you wherever you go."
-- Joshua 1:9
Anyhow, I got there a little late... but totally not my fault. Even though she lives like a block away from me... and I drove... Uhm, yeah... not gonna explain that.
It started with a card game. I typically like games that have strategies. So, in the round that I watched, and the actual rules being told to me... I figured it out. And I won. That's pretty amazing. Then they played for second place. It was hilarious at one moment, because everyone was looking up and talking. Then my friend put down a "slap" card. I look down and see this, and just smack my hand down as hard as I can and move it away so I don't get hurt. Everyone jumped and slapped their hands down in an instant. It was so funny because everyone else was like "was it really a slap?". I dunno... maybe you really had to be there. But the fact that everyone dropped the conversation and slapped their hands down was funny.
Then we went to the park.... oh boy. This NEVER ends well. But it's always fun. Anyway. It started with me walking backwards, all the way to the park (because I like to see the faces of the people I'm talking to... or at least be able to if I want). Then, it went into a discussion of who we would trust with our lives in that group. Out of the 5 there... I would have trusted 2 of them. Very sad, indeed. It's not that I don't trust the other 3... I would just be very scared if I had to depend on them to live. But ya know... Anyway. It started with playing on the jungle gym. And then it went to playing with a nerf football. Last year, it ended up with me getting tackled. By everyone. This year, I avoided that. And it made me very happy.
We walked home (some of us backwards). And I got very frightened with how close the car behind me parked. So I pulled forward. All the guys (all three of them) hopped into my car and were yelling "ROAD TRIP". It was very interesting... Then I felt happier having a few more inches between the back of my car and the front of the other.
Dinnar time. A veggie burger for me, of course. Lit a fire... and well... the wind made us a little scared. And it was cold out. I basically touched everyone's arms and made them freak out with how cold my hands were. Maybe next year I should bring a sweater and gloves... Anyhow, the fun part begins. The pinata.
Every year, something goes wrong with the pinata. One year the fence got broken, some people almost get beat, the garage door gets dented.... yeah, pretty crazy. Anyhow, nothing happened. Well, except for the pinata being broken by the second person. Pft. That's what duct tape is for.
Cake, then presents and sitting around and talking. By this point it's like 9. People slowly start leaving, and since I live the closest, I leave when the last person does. It was 10:20 when I left. Yepp. Amazing.
Got home, showered, read and lights out at 11. I was out. I had trouble staying asleep, but for the most part I was out. Dragged myself out of bed at about 8...
Overall, I had an awesome time this weekend.
"Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be
with you wherever you go."
-- Joshua 1:9
Tuesday
So, now that I have a level head, I'll tell you about my very vague and saddening post a few days ago.
It all started with "...... just kill me before I do it myself" on Saturday. How can I not notice that? I started talking with the person who posted that status. I'll admit, I was getting a little antsy, because it was way past time to leave to go out to dinner with my friends. However, I was having no luck getting down to the pure 'why' aspect. So I simply just left. I decided I was going to go out and have fun with my friends. I mean, I tried talking to them when I got back, but they never responded.
I didn't realize what I did until Sunday. I had left someone that a) what very clearly depressed and b) that I told I'd always be open to talk. Well, they were still alive with no help from me. The day went on and I began to feel more and more guilty. I went to bed that night... and I couldn't fall asleep.
It was probably after ten when I just began sobbing. I mean, not loudly because that's not who I am, but I was crying heavily for me. I don't stop for about a half hour, at least.
I mean, I still feel guilty, but it's not such a big deal now. I have a feeling he's at least a little bit better, too.
In other news...
Ow. I just aggravated something that was already hurting. I went out on a walk today, and just completely hurt my knee. I could stand it before, but now I'm just trying not to focus on it.
On Saturday, I borrowed a flute from my friend, and am now starting to practice it again. It makes me so happy that I can do it again. After only a few days of practice, I can get through some *very* simple melodies. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something to make me happy again.
Considering I went through a horrible depression mode just a few weeks ago, I need something to make me happy. I've picked up something I've been meaning to do, and maybe some things will follow suit.
Lately, I've also been on a little "side-quest" of loosing weight. As of.. yesterday I think, I've lost about 4 pounds. I'm ready to start getting back to how I was.
School has been going fairly well, with my six weeks grades being: 2 B's (and high B's, too) and 5 A's (some of them low A's, but that's OK).
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with
actions and in truth.
-- 1 John 3:18
It all started with "...... just kill me before I do it myself" on Saturday. How can I not notice that? I started talking with the person who posted that status. I'll admit, I was getting a little antsy, because it was way past time to leave to go out to dinner with my friends. However, I was having no luck getting down to the pure 'why' aspect. So I simply just left. I decided I was going to go out and have fun with my friends. I mean, I tried talking to them when I got back, but they never responded.
I didn't realize what I did until Sunday. I had left someone that a) what very clearly depressed and b) that I told I'd always be open to talk. Well, they were still alive with no help from me. The day went on and I began to feel more and more guilty. I went to bed that night... and I couldn't fall asleep.
It was probably after ten when I just began sobbing. I mean, not loudly because that's not who I am, but I was crying heavily for me. I don't stop for about a half hour, at least.
I mean, I still feel guilty, but it's not such a big deal now. I have a feeling he's at least a little bit better, too.
In other news...
Ow. I just aggravated something that was already hurting. I went out on a walk today, and just completely hurt my knee. I could stand it before, but now I'm just trying not to focus on it.
On Saturday, I borrowed a flute from my friend, and am now starting to practice it again. It makes me so happy that I can do it again. After only a few days of practice, I can get through some *very* simple melodies. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something to make me happy again.
Considering I went through a horrible depression mode just a few weeks ago, I need something to make me happy. I've picked up something I've been meaning to do, and maybe some things will follow suit.
Lately, I've also been on a little "side-quest" of loosing weight. As of.. yesterday I think, I've lost about 4 pounds. I'm ready to start getting back to how I was.
School has been going fairly well, with my six weeks grades being: 2 B's (and high B's, too) and 5 A's (some of them low A's, but that's OK).
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with
actions and in truth.
-- 1 John 3:18
Sunday
Friday
Today I was happy. This was the first day in weeks that I hadn't woken up and thought that this was just another day I had to trudge through. This morning I woke up and thought... "Let's go." I was ready to go. I just felt like there was nothing that could bring me down.
And you know what? That's true. All through the day I just felt nice and head strong. Then lunch made me laugh so hard I almost cried and my stomach started to hurt. I chuckled so much during chem and the day went by... kinda fast.
Then I spent like 5 hours at my friend's house and I just had a great time.
So, I think I can say that today was amazing. I have never felt better and I think a good deal of that has to do with the fact that I talked to someone. I wasn't alone in my problem. It wasn't only on my shoulders. Someone cared.
That alone made me smile. And the fact that I fell asleep talking to them... on top of the fact that I almost NEVER talk to them face to face. I just wonder if they know what they did... because they saved me from crying myself to sleep last night. I honestly don't care if that was a one night thing... I'm just happy.
They may never know the impact of just a few simple words... but it's the fact that they said it. It's like this quote I read somewhere.... people will forget what you said, and they won't remember what you did... but they'll always remember how they made you feel. That's how I apply my life...
But I'm just on a happy rant. I've been stressed with school so, I haven't been updating at all.... but I guess besides the depression, life has been going well.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
-- Psalm 46:1
And you know what? That's true. All through the day I just felt nice and head strong. Then lunch made me laugh so hard I almost cried and my stomach started to hurt. I chuckled so much during chem and the day went by... kinda fast.
Then I spent like 5 hours at my friend's house and I just had a great time.
So, I think I can say that today was amazing. I have never felt better and I think a good deal of that has to do with the fact that I talked to someone. I wasn't alone in my problem. It wasn't only on my shoulders. Someone cared.
That alone made me smile. And the fact that I fell asleep talking to them... on top of the fact that I almost NEVER talk to them face to face. I just wonder if they know what they did... because they saved me from crying myself to sleep last night. I honestly don't care if that was a one night thing... I'm just happy.
They may never know the impact of just a few simple words... but it's the fact that they said it. It's like this quote I read somewhere.... people will forget what you said, and they won't remember what you did... but they'll always remember how they made you feel. That's how I apply my life...
But I'm just on a happy rant. I've been stressed with school so, I haven't been updating at all.... but I guess besides the depression, life has been going well.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
-- Psalm 46:1
Thursday
Oh boy... I think I have a happier rant today, that's not about school.
A few days ago, my sister's boyfriend started calling us a family. It's mostly a joke, I think. I mean, if you think about it, we are like a family. My sister is basically my mom, and like her boyfriend is a step dad. My sister makes all the rules and is the enforcer in the family, and he's pretty laid back and fun. Anyhow...
We were eating fondue and pistachio pudding and he apparently remembered this thing where you try to hit someone with a wooden spoon that's in your mouth. The whole idea is that, the person in the middle actually tries to hit the person on their side with a spoon, and when the person they were hitting does it, the OTHER person hits the person in the middle really hard with the spoon, making them think it's possible to hit hard :P. It's actually a lot easier to see it done than explained. But it was SO bad. I was laughing so much I started crying. Which is just the stress breaker I needed from all the history notes I was taking.
However, I have been dumped with new responsibilities. I have to make dinner every Monday night, and do a load of laundry every weekend. On top of this I'm going to be doing school (I'm trying to stay as on top of it as I can), and church choir. Stress GALORE.
I guess we'll see how that goes...
But yeah... I'm starting to get used to what is. I'm still panicked about this up coming year.
I'm ready for it to be Friday so I can have the weekend! YES. Ugh. It's only been three days. I'm already sick of ice-breaker games. I don't need to know everyone's names in the class. It's just not going to happen, I'm sorry. I'm not going to make new friends within the first week.... I'm lucky to make friends within the first six weeks. I don't socialize well... I'm a lonely creature. Ah well... whatever.
his is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and
sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
-- 1 John 4:10
A few days ago, my sister's boyfriend started calling us a family. It's mostly a joke, I think. I mean, if you think about it, we are like a family. My sister is basically my mom, and like her boyfriend is a step dad. My sister makes all the rules and is the enforcer in the family, and he's pretty laid back and fun. Anyhow...
We were eating fondue and pistachio pudding and he apparently remembered this thing where you try to hit someone with a wooden spoon that's in your mouth. The whole idea is that, the person in the middle actually tries to hit the person on their side with a spoon, and when the person they were hitting does it, the OTHER person hits the person in the middle really hard with the spoon, making them think it's possible to hit hard :P. It's actually a lot easier to see it done than explained. But it was SO bad. I was laughing so much I started crying. Which is just the stress breaker I needed from all the history notes I was taking.
However, I have been dumped with new responsibilities. I have to make dinner every Monday night, and do a load of laundry every weekend. On top of this I'm going to be doing school (I'm trying to stay as on top of it as I can), and church choir. Stress GALORE.
I guess we'll see how that goes...
But yeah... I'm starting to get used to what is. I'm still panicked about this up coming year.
I'm ready for it to be Friday so I can have the weekend! YES. Ugh. It's only been three days. I'm already sick of ice-breaker games. I don't need to know everyone's names in the class. It's just not going to happen, I'm sorry. I'm not going to make new friends within the first week.... I'm lucky to make friends within the first six weeks. I don't socialize well... I'm a lonely creature. Ah well... whatever.
his is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and
sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
-- 1 John 4:10
Wednesday
I've never liked the first day of school. Because, once I get home, it always sinks in how hard this year is going to be. It's what I've thought every year since starting middle school (though middle school is so easy I scoff at it now). Yet this year... I am truly scared. I don't know if I can do it without a ton of irrational break outs. I can already feel it boiling up inside me right now.
I mean, if I look on the bright side, I have amazing teachers this year. My first period teacher is a little quirky, but she really likes teaching, I can tell. She tries to stay in line (she has a slew of mental issues), and I have a feeling I could get to like her a lot. My second period teacher, is loud and eccentric and likes to go on tangents. My third period teacher... she seems nice and everything, but I'm SO scared of the subject. I just don't think I can do Spanish 2. I'm just... I dunno. My fourth period teacher is so funny. I really like him. He is fit to teach AP Psych. I will grow to like this class a lot. Then for fifth period... I think I can end up liking that class too. Even though it's pre-calc and I hate math in general. But she's a nice teacher and I can see myself not be afraid to ask questions in that class. For sixth I have a new teacher. He is very ADD like and... he annoys me a little bit but I think I can grow to like the class, if not him. Lastly, seventh period. I dunno... I COULD like this teacher, but I'm just feeling awkward in the class. I don't really do well when it seems like all the kids know each other. I haven't been a social person, but all the other classes (save for Spanish) I've felt comfortable, at least a little bit. I'm hoping I can just shut out the students and focus on the fact that it's my favorite subject- science.
Otherwise, I'm really really really scared at the fact that my classes are going to be hard. The teachers start expecting so much and I feel like if I even slip a little bit, I'm going to fall so far behind. I know it's an unrealistic thing to worry about, but I just can't help it. I have to be so on top of everything, and I'm going to be focusing so much on homework this year. This year the load is enough where I can't just do it all in one go when I get home from school.
But I'm really happy about one thing. On this block schedule, my 2 and 4 period classes are right next to each other... literally. I have to go out one door, walk about five feet and go into the next one. So, I think I'm going to be visiting my old history teacher for a little while... which I think I'll look forward to when we turn to the block schedule. I'm also thinking of being his student aide next year because it could be fun. I mean, when I look back on what we did, nothing was that hard to grade. I even helped him grade tests one time. I'm pretty efficient at it.
Geez, school, school school. That's all that's really been on my mind for awhile. I keep going back and forth about being excited and truly scared. I guess I'll fall into the rhythm of things as time goes on. But for now, I am truly scared and reluctant to go back... no matter how many friends I get to see.
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-- Romans 8:28
I mean, if I look on the bright side, I have amazing teachers this year. My first period teacher is a little quirky, but she really likes teaching, I can tell. She tries to stay in line (she has a slew of mental issues), and I have a feeling I could get to like her a lot. My second period teacher, is loud and eccentric and likes to go on tangents. My third period teacher... she seems nice and everything, but I'm SO scared of the subject. I just don't think I can do Spanish 2. I'm just... I dunno. My fourth period teacher is so funny. I really like him. He is fit to teach AP Psych. I will grow to like this class a lot. Then for fifth period... I think I can end up liking that class too. Even though it's pre-calc and I hate math in general. But she's a nice teacher and I can see myself not be afraid to ask questions in that class. For sixth I have a new teacher. He is very ADD like and... he annoys me a little bit but I think I can grow to like the class, if not him. Lastly, seventh period. I dunno... I COULD like this teacher, but I'm just feeling awkward in the class. I don't really do well when it seems like all the kids know each other. I haven't been a social person, but all the other classes (save for Spanish) I've felt comfortable, at least a little bit. I'm hoping I can just shut out the students and focus on the fact that it's my favorite subject- science.
Otherwise, I'm really really really scared at the fact that my classes are going to be hard. The teachers start expecting so much and I feel like if I even slip a little bit, I'm going to fall so far behind. I know it's an unrealistic thing to worry about, but I just can't help it. I have to be so on top of everything, and I'm going to be focusing so much on homework this year. This year the load is enough where I can't just do it all in one go when I get home from school.
But I'm really happy about one thing. On this block schedule, my 2 and 4 period classes are right next to each other... literally. I have to go out one door, walk about five feet and go into the next one. So, I think I'm going to be visiting my old history teacher for a little while... which I think I'll look forward to when we turn to the block schedule. I'm also thinking of being his student aide next year because it could be fun. I mean, when I look back on what we did, nothing was that hard to grade. I even helped him grade tests one time. I'm pretty efficient at it.
Geez, school, school school. That's all that's really been on my mind for awhile. I keep going back and forth about being excited and truly scared. I guess I'll fall into the rhythm of things as time goes on. But for now, I am truly scared and reluctant to go back... no matter how many friends I get to see.
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-- Romans 8:28
Friday
One of my last days here and I spent it out on the town with a good friend of mine. We did a ton of looking around and just generally being girls.
Tomorrow I'm nerding out and watching Ninja Warrior. I love that show so much... I'm seriously going to be a spazz and anyone attempting to talk to me with get very short answers... haha.
But even though I had an amazing day today, I can't help but feel guilty. It's not about what happened today... but it's about something that I've told my most trusted people. Except for one. I honestly know I should tell them... but something is stopping me. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm just afraid of their reaction? I can't really say. It also feels a little awkward... though I'm not sure why...
This is a short one, as I'm not really up to say anything. I just need to think a bit.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one
another in love.
-- Ephesians 4:2
Tomorrow I'm nerding out and watching Ninja Warrior. I love that show so much... I'm seriously going to be a spazz and anyone attempting to talk to me with get very short answers... haha.
But even though I had an amazing day today, I can't help but feel guilty. It's not about what happened today... but it's about something that I've told my most trusted people. Except for one. I honestly know I should tell them... but something is stopping me. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I'm just afraid of their reaction? I can't really say. It also feels a little awkward... though I'm not sure why...
This is a short one, as I'm not really up to say anything. I just need to think a bit.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one
another in love.
-- Ephesians 4:2
Tuesday
Sweet Sixteen.... NOT.
Seriously, not a good birthday. I can overlook somethings but I'm still kinda.. ugh. I'm pretty much overreacting to everything but... you'd understand.
First and foremost- my parents forgot it was my birthday. I was waiting the whole day, waiting for them to say something. They were reminded by my sister when she called. The best part? It was at least 3 or 4PM. Considering we got up at 5AM... and I don't think they would have remembered any time soon on their own... That's my big one.
And because of the fact that I'm basically pretty PMS-y things just got on my nerves pretty quickly. Liiiikeee... being expected to drive for a long distance (it didn't happen, though). I had to go pick up my mom's car... My mom was telling me how to pack my stuff (like I haven't been packing for myself for years now...). Horrible cramps that made me only able to focus on what was outside my window. Then the whole fact of having to unpack and repack... when I could have had it done yesterday...
It's a bunch of small things... but, it all added up to not a very good day in the end.
However, when I came home and logged onto facebook I smiled greatly. I have like 15 notifications of people wishing me a happy birthday. A lot from people I don't talk to often. That just made me smile so big.
Now, as the day is drawing to a close... I think I'm pretty content. I've been left alone for most of the day, allowing me to just chill out.
Tomorrow I register for school and see my sister. Then I go back home, return a few books, hopefully get my car fixed and then the day after I'll probably plan to go back to my sister. Hopefully I'll see some people before school starts :).
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity,
and honor.
-- Proverbs 21:21
Seriously, not a good birthday. I can overlook somethings but I'm still kinda.. ugh. I'm pretty much overreacting to everything but... you'd understand.
First and foremost- my parents forgot it was my birthday. I was waiting the whole day, waiting for them to say something. They were reminded by my sister when she called. The best part? It was at least 3 or 4PM. Considering we got up at 5AM... and I don't think they would have remembered any time soon on their own... That's my big one.
And because of the fact that I'm basically pretty PMS-y things just got on my nerves pretty quickly. Liiiikeee... being expected to drive for a long distance (it didn't happen, though). I had to go pick up my mom's car... My mom was telling me how to pack my stuff (like I haven't been packing for myself for years now...). Horrible cramps that made me only able to focus on what was outside my window. Then the whole fact of having to unpack and repack... when I could have had it done yesterday...
It's a bunch of small things... but, it all added up to not a very good day in the end.
However, when I came home and logged onto facebook I smiled greatly. I have like 15 notifications of people wishing me a happy birthday. A lot from people I don't talk to often. That just made me smile so big.
Now, as the day is drawing to a close... I think I'm pretty content. I've been left alone for most of the day, allowing me to just chill out.
Tomorrow I register for school and see my sister. Then I go back home, return a few books, hopefully get my car fixed and then the day after I'll probably plan to go back to my sister. Hopefully I'll see some people before school starts :).
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity,
and honor.
-- Proverbs 21:21
Monday
Beautiful internet... how I have missed thee.
I'm mostly glad because now I have something to do. It's not much, but it's something. I just figured I'd update a little on my life.
Friday; July 30th. We started on our trip, I began driving. We left at about 5AM, and I drove until about 7. Switched with my dad, slept a little bit, had breakfast. I drove some more, from about 9 to 11, maybe. I did some reading, some staring out the window... some sleeping. But that's about it. I didn't do much else. I talked to a few people... mostly this one guy that I had met the day before. It was nice. Except we almost got into an accident. Eek. However, it was avoided and we all made it out unhurt. We stopped for the night somewhere in Missouri. Comfy bed, slept pretty well. The clerk reminded me of a mix between my history teacher and science teacher. It was pretty awesome.
Saturday; July 31st. Started early once more. I didn't drive at all. Normal stops and everything. Slept, read, talked to people... all in all not so exciting. I was ready for us to be done. And, soon we were. We got to my brother's house, unpacked, changed and went to church. It was an all Polish mass. Uhm.. no clue what was going on. But whatever. We came home and I just spent some time with my brother and the two kittens he's taking care of. They are SO cute. I love them... when they aren't jumping out the back door, that is.
Sunday; August 1st. Lazily woke up, got ready and went to church again... this time it was an English mass. Twas nice. Then we went home, didn't really do much... and then we went to a cousin's house. I'm not very close to him so it wasn't really that exciting. I got a ton of bug bites. I think I have like 11... oh well
And today, nothing day. I've literally, ate, read, done sudokus, and gone on the computer. I tried to figure out the TV, but I just couldn't do it. So, hopefully I'll get my brother to explain it again tonight.... hopefully. The cats were like, dying for my attention when I was down there. They were in my lap, walking all over me and purring. They so wanted to be petted... haha.
So, otherwise it's been pretty uneventful in my life.
I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your
love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.
-- Psalm 59:16
I'm mostly glad because now I have something to do. It's not much, but it's something. I just figured I'd update a little on my life.
Friday; July 30th. We started on our trip, I began driving. We left at about 5AM, and I drove until about 7. Switched with my dad, slept a little bit, had breakfast. I drove some more, from about 9 to 11, maybe. I did some reading, some staring out the window... some sleeping. But that's about it. I didn't do much else. I talked to a few people... mostly this one guy that I had met the day before. It was nice. Except we almost got into an accident. Eek. However, it was avoided and we all made it out unhurt. We stopped for the night somewhere in Missouri. Comfy bed, slept pretty well. The clerk reminded me of a mix between my history teacher and science teacher. It was pretty awesome.
Saturday; July 31st. Started early once more. I didn't drive at all. Normal stops and everything. Slept, read, talked to people... all in all not so exciting. I was ready for us to be done. And, soon we were. We got to my brother's house, unpacked, changed and went to church. It was an all Polish mass. Uhm.. no clue what was going on. But whatever. We came home and I just spent some time with my brother and the two kittens he's taking care of. They are SO cute. I love them... when they aren't jumping out the back door, that is.
Sunday; August 1st. Lazily woke up, got ready and went to church again... this time it was an English mass. Twas nice. Then we went home, didn't really do much... and then we went to a cousin's house. I'm not very close to him so it wasn't really that exciting. I got a ton of bug bites. I think I have like 11... oh well
And today, nothing day. I've literally, ate, read, done sudokus, and gone on the computer. I tried to figure out the TV, but I just couldn't do it. So, hopefully I'll get my brother to explain it again tonight.... hopefully. The cats were like, dying for my attention when I was down there. They were in my lap, walking all over me and purring. They so wanted to be petted... haha.
So, otherwise it's been pretty uneventful in my life.
I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your
love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.
-- Psalm 59:16
Thursday
Well, I am leaving in a few hours. I'm going to go to bed soon. But I just have to say. I had an amazing summer. I'm so glad that what happened, did (for the most part). I'm so excited to leave, too.
I feel... a little sappy, but really happy too. I had an amazing last day here. And I met someone new. I hope we become friends, and stay friends. It's... it's hard to see how things play out.
But this trip will be really exciting. I'm going to try and document as much of it as possible.
I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, and
my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will
trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
-- Psalm 18:1-2
I feel... a little sappy, but really happy too. I had an amazing last day here. And I met someone new. I hope we become friends, and stay friends. It's... it's hard to see how things play out.
But this trip will be really exciting. I'm going to try and document as much of it as possible.
I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, and
my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will
trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
-- Psalm 18:1-2
Tuesday
So, it's days like today were I do something a little different and I feel pretty.
I like to put my hair up a lot. It's just convenient for me. That way I don't have to worry about it looking good or bad. I don't have to mess with it if I feel uncomfortable. Normally, it's just up in a pony tail and I go. However, my hair isn't long enough to do that right now. Which, might be a good thing.
I pinned up my hair and decided to show off my bangs (which I cut myself, amazingly). Normally I don't give it a second thought... but today I actually thought I looked nice. Not like beautiful or amazingly pretty. But... I felt like I looked at least a little pretty.
Not sure why today was any different. But I'm happy. I think I might try and recreate the style in the future.
I like to put my hair up a lot. It's just convenient for me. That way I don't have to worry about it looking good or bad. I don't have to mess with it if I feel uncomfortable. Normally, it's just up in a pony tail and I go. However, my hair isn't long enough to do that right now. Which, might be a good thing.
I pinned up my hair and decided to show off my bangs (which I cut myself, amazingly). Normally I don't give it a second thought... but today I actually thought I looked nice. Not like beautiful or amazingly pretty. But... I felt like I looked at least a little pretty.
Not sure why today was any different. But I'm happy. I think I might try and recreate the style in the future.
Sunday
I got lost today.
No, no. Not like actually lost. I took a walk in the green belt by my house and just kept taking different paths. It was just me, my music and nature. No people, and no time. It felt nice.
So, why do I say I got lost? Because after awhile I had NO clue where I was going, and I knew I needed to get home soon. So, I start going back the way I came... or in the general direction.
Obviously I found my way home. It really wasn't that hard. My path wasn't so twisted.
Had a beautiful sunset tonight. It was so gorgeous words nor pictures can say... but I'll give a few unedited ones.
(If you look closely, there is a rainbow)
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord
your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
your strength.
-- Deuteronomy 6:4-5
No, no. Not like actually lost. I took a walk in the green belt by my house and just kept taking different paths. It was just me, my music and nature. No people, and no time. It felt nice.
So, why do I say I got lost? Because after awhile I had NO clue where I was going, and I knew I needed to get home soon. So, I start going back the way I came... or in the general direction.
Obviously I found my way home. It really wasn't that hard. My path wasn't so twisted.
Had a beautiful sunset tonight. It was so gorgeous words nor pictures can say... but I'll give a few unedited ones.
(If you look closely, there is a rainbow)
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord
your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
your strength.
-- Deuteronomy 6:4-5
Monday
Now, something completely unrelated...
Ipod shuffle game... again! XP. This is a previously used one
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down
If someone says "Is this Okay?" You say:
"The Tip of the Iceberg" Owl City
How would you describe yourself?
"Politicians" Switchfoot
What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Right Here Waiting For You" Richard Marx
How do you feel today?
"Love Me Like You Do" Ruth
What's your life purpose?
"Photograph" Nickleback
What do your friends think of you?
"Follow Sound" Deas Vail
What do your parents think of you?
"Must have done something right" Relient K (XD)
What do you often think about?
"A Place for my Head" Linkin Park
What do you think about the person you like?
"No More Sorrow" Linkin Park
What is your life's story?
"Swimming in Miami" Owl City
What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Dead Inside" Skillet (D:)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
"I hate this song" Secondhand Serenade
What will they play at your funeral?
"I'm Yours" Jaszon Mraz
What is your biggest fear?
"Never Surrender" Skillet
What is your biggest secret?
"Beaming" Relient K
What is your future going to be like?
"Easier than Love" Switchfoot
What do you see in the person you like?
"For mile to come" Deas Vail
What will the song be for you and your spouse?
"Sound of pulling heaven" Blue October
---This is where the original one I found stops, but I'ma keep going with another one I just found. I'm having too much fun doing this. I have to do this more.---
Will you get far in life?
"Under my skin" Skillet
Will you get married?
"Fingernails" Skillet (Way to answer that one...)
What is your best friend's theme song?
"Pieces" Red (I hope not...)
What was high school like?
"In Love" Jon Foreman
How can you get ahead in life?
"Again" Needtobreathe
What is the best thing about your friends?
"The House of God, Forever" Jon Foreman
What is in store for this weekend?
"I so Hate Consequences" Relient K
To describe your grandparents?
"Stars" Switchfoot
How is your life going?
"I need you" Relient K
How does the world see you?
"Shadow of the day" Linkin Park
Will you have a happy life?
"Won't turn back" Needtobreathe (yes?)
Do people secretly lust after you?
"Love isn't made" Jon Foreman
How can I make myself happy?
"Ordinary World" Red
What should you do with your life?
"Little House" The Fray
Will you ever have children?
"At least we made it this far" Relient K
If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do?
"Collide" Skillet
What does your mum think of you?
"Shadows" Red
What is your deep dark secret?
"Curl up & Die" Relient K
What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
"The Bird and the Worm" Owl City (XDDDD)
What's your personality like?
"What's left of me" Nick Lachey
What's your motto?
"Something Beautiful" Needtobreathe
What do you think about often?
"This is your life" Switchfoot
What do you want right now?
"Hello Alone" Anberlin
Haha. Well.. that's interesting.
Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people;
and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring
salvation to those who are waiting for him.
-- Hebrews 9:28
Ipod shuffle game... again! XP. This is a previously used one
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down
If someone says "Is this Okay?" You say:
"The Tip of the Iceberg" Owl City
How would you describe yourself?
"Politicians" Switchfoot
What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Right Here Waiting For You" Richard Marx
How do you feel today?
"Love Me Like You Do" Ruth
What's your life purpose?
"Photograph" Nickleback
What do your friends think of you?
"Follow Sound" Deas Vail
What do your parents think of you?
"Must have done something right" Relient K (XD)
What do you often think about?
"A Place for my Head" Linkin Park
What do you think about the person you like?
"No More Sorrow" Linkin Park
What is your life's story?
"Swimming in Miami" Owl City
What do you want to be when you grow up?
"Dead Inside" Skillet (D:)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
"I hate this song" Secondhand Serenade
What will they play at your funeral?
"I'm Yours" Jaszon Mraz
What is your biggest fear?
"Never Surrender" Skillet
What is your biggest secret?
"Beaming" Relient K
What is your future going to be like?
"Easier than Love" Switchfoot
What do you see in the person you like?
"For mile to come" Deas Vail
What will the song be for you and your spouse?
"Sound of pulling heaven" Blue October
---This is where the original one I found stops, but I'ma keep going with another one I just found. I'm having too much fun doing this. I have to do this more.---
Will you get far in life?
"Under my skin" Skillet
Will you get married?
"Fingernails" Skillet (Way to answer that one...)
What is your best friend's theme song?
"Pieces" Red (I hope not...)
What was high school like?
"In Love" Jon Foreman
How can you get ahead in life?
"Again" Needtobreathe
What is the best thing about your friends?
"The House of God, Forever" Jon Foreman
What is in store for this weekend?
"I so Hate Consequences" Relient K
To describe your grandparents?
"Stars" Switchfoot
How is your life going?
"I need you" Relient K
How does the world see you?
"Shadow of the day" Linkin Park
Will you have a happy life?
"Won't turn back" Needtobreathe (yes?)
Do people secretly lust after you?
"Love isn't made" Jon Foreman
How can I make myself happy?
"Ordinary World" Red
What should you do with your life?
"Little House" The Fray
Will you ever have children?
"At least we made it this far" Relient K
If a man in a van offered you candy, what would you do?
"Collide" Skillet
What does your mum think of you?
"Shadows" Red
What is your deep dark secret?
"Curl up & Die" Relient K
What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
"The Bird and the Worm" Owl City (XDDDD)
What's your personality like?
"What's left of me" Nick Lachey
What's your motto?
"Something Beautiful" Needtobreathe
What do you think about often?
"This is your life" Switchfoot
What do you want right now?
"Hello Alone" Anberlin
Haha. Well.. that's interesting.
Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people;
and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring
salvation to those who are waiting for him.
-- Hebrews 9:28
Saturday
Day Eight: Hit
Sorry for the extreme lateness on this one.
Herapin-induced thrombocytopenia, otherwise known as HIT.
Woah. Woah. Woah. The the heck is that?!
Herapin: an anticoagulant. And to quote wikipedia it "has the highest negative charge density of any known biological molecule". Just throwing that out there. Herapin can be used to make an inner anticoagulant surface on experimental or medical devices (such as test tubes). The pharmaceutical-grade herapin is taken from the mucosal (mucus membrane) tissues of animals such as pig intestine or cow lung.
Thrombocytopenia: having a low platelet count in the blood. Simple as that.
Thrombosis is often a "side affect" of HIT. It's when blood clots inside a blood vessel.
"Heparin may be used for both prevention and the treatment of thrombosis." However, if someone has HIT, their platelet count with drop rapidly.
One of the most common symptoms of HIT is the enlarging of a previously diagnosed blood clot, or the formations of another.
I could go into detail by my brain is starting to twitch at all the big medical words...
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves
and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then
will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal
their land.
-- 2 Chronicles 7:14
Sorry for the extreme lateness on this one.
Herapin-induced thrombocytopenia, otherwise known as HIT.
Woah. Woah. Woah. The the heck is that?!
Herapin: an anticoagulant. And to quote wikipedia it "has the highest negative charge density of any known biological molecule". Just throwing that out there. Herapin can be used to make an inner anticoagulant surface on experimental or medical devices (such as test tubes). The pharmaceutical-grade herapin is taken from the mucosal (mucus membrane) tissues of animals such as pig intestine or cow lung.
Thrombocytopenia: having a low platelet count in the blood. Simple as that.
Thrombosis is often a "side affect" of HIT. It's when blood clots inside a blood vessel.
"Heparin may be used for both prevention and the treatment of thrombosis." However, if someone has HIT, their platelet count with drop rapidly.
One of the most common symptoms of HIT is the enlarging of a previously diagnosed blood clot, or the formations of another.
I could go into detail by my brain is starting to twitch at all the big medical words...
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves
and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then
will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal
their land.
-- 2 Chronicles 7:14
Friday
Day Seven: Bloody
Busy day, didn't really have time to think of anything. So... I bring you a review of the movie I saw today.
The Last Airbender
Normally, I'm not the reviewing type. But this deserves it. I'm a pretty big fan of the cartoon... and when I heard that the movie was going to be made, I watched news roll in. From who is playing who to watching almost all the promos. I was getting really into it. I was excited for it.
I wish I wasn't. I was telling people about the movie and how awesome and epic it would be. Now I have to sit here and tell them how it's not worth seeing. It really isn't...
My List of Complaints:
1. Ong?! Soh-ka? Ee-roh?! I'm sorry, but the pronunciation changes were just ridiculous. I practically cringed every time one of the names was said. I also mentally corrected everything. In my opinion, they were a little inconsistent in their pronunciation of "Avatar" some said it like most Americans would. Some said it "AH- va-tar". If there was at least a general "right" way of saying it... Yes, I know the "new" pronunciations are the correct way... but... we're all so used to the originals...
2. Pacing. The end felt... long. But everything else felt rushed. It was like, "Hey! We're in this village! Jk, we're actually at the northern air temple. No, actually we're at the norther water tribe." It was just way to hectic and quick paced. It would have been helpful if they split things up and took longer on certain aspects. The beginning is a great example. The ice berg was broken open and you see "Ong" then... they're at the village. Then... the Fire Nation is there. It was so rapid paced.
3. Hey! I think I spotted character development! Oh wait... no... I just remembered the cartoon. Like the character histories. Zuko's was told by a little boy... Yue's was a silly little answer to a question.... "Ong" never really grew. We kinda got a little glimpse at his childhood but... I knew so much more from the cartoon. We didn't learn anything about the characters. At all. Flat and boring.
4. "Ong"... smile? He was so carefree in the cartoon! He smiled and had a goofy grin. He didn't take many things seriously. In the movie... it was like he smiled two or three times, at the most.
5. Appa? Momo? You exist? They were shown... I don't think they were actually given names. Maybe Momo was... and they had very little screen time. It made me sad because the animals were a big part of the cartoon. They were lovable.
6. Monk Gyatso. I thought you were old... and... white. It just did not fit. I would not have imagined who they chose to be a fatherly figure. He just... it didn't work. I'm sorry.
7. Sokka should've been funny :(. It just took away his entire character. Fans of the series know Sokka as the one who always gets himself into trouble. He makes these wise comments. He's just generally a funny guy.
8. No humor. Practically all the humor was stripped away. We had some glimpses in trailers, but they were taken out. I was so looking forward to most of it. It would have made the movie much more light hearted and... more bearable. Some of the essence of the cartoon would have been there.
9. Haru?! You... you look like a girl! Well, at least I'm assuming it's Haru. We didn't really get a name for him. But it seriously looked like a girl. I kinda... I kinda wondered a bit.
10. Kyoshi Warriors... where are you? *sigh* The characters that would actually move the plot (sorry, Haru... you don't count) were cut! What is this?! They had filmed some stuff for them and everything. But they cut it. WHY?!
11. *flail for five seconds* *stops moving* *element moves* 'nuff said.
12. Pakku... we didn't even know your name! They seriously didn't give names to some of the side characters. It.. it upset me. It's like the didn't think the audience could handle all the names. But it's like.. "So who is that old guy?" "Oh, you mean Ee-roh?" "No, no. The one that was teaching water bending" "Oh. I dunno."
13. NWT should've been sexist and not let Katara train, like in the cartoon. This showed at least a little bit of Kataras strength. It also showed Pakku's cocky attitude. It showed that there were cultural differences. It would have been an opportunity for a fight scene.
14. A girl... training at an air temple. WHAT?! I'm sorry, but this is a blatant fact that goes against the show. Girls and boys were separated. They learned at different air temples. They did not work side by side.
15. Dialogue.... I think I could even write better dialogue than that. And I'm a horrible writer. That was just BAD. If the dialogue had been cleaned up a bit... the movie could have been better. As it stands... I almost covered my face with my hands after anyone said anything.
16. Narration. It felt more like a documentary. Telling us all that's going on, not showing us. It felt like it was giving us facts and not really connecting the movie together. It was also a little awkward. And the very beginning the narration just was not... good.
17. Spirit World. I'm sorry... a dragon does NOT replace Roku OR Koh. And it does NOT help in anyway. "Show them the power of water." Or you know.. save the moon spirit. Either one, of course...
18. Avatar State? We didn't even get a name for what was going on. It was just kinda like... "Oh... he's glowing... is that... normal?" I felt like some explanation would have been nice. At least a little bit...
19. Over use of slow-mo. The fight scenes were ridden with slow mo. It does not make an action scene better by slowing it down. I like if it's going regular speed. It's so much more exciting. Then you want to rewatch it to see if you missed something. Or just break it down. Not so with these...
20. "Ee-roh" was a disappointment. He's the happy, fat, fun loving, tea drinking, wisdom bearing uncle. We saw... wisdom bearing. A little bit. Totally took away the entire feeling of Iroh.
21. Zaoh's death. Why?! He KILLED the moon spirit. But just some normal benders KILL him.
22. The ending. It reminded me of "Breaking Dawn". The buildup for a really exciting battle and conclusion. But nope, everyone leaves. He was getting this BIG wave ready. And then.... he just drops it.
23. What the heck was with the "test" Zuko and "Ee-roh" give "Ong"? I was SO confused by that.
It may seem like I was a straight cartoon to movie kind of adaptation, but I don't. I like some of the allusions they gave. Like, about the library and Hama. And they cut the Great Divide. Otherwise...
Things I liked:
1. Jackson Rathbone. He may have been the redeeming actor in this movie. For a little while I actually believed he was "Soh-kka". It was still a bit dry, but his emotion when Yue died... aw. It just made me want to reach out and hug him.
2. CGI was pretty good. The animals were fairly believable (the lizard the fire nation rode were really nice). The elements, not too bad. Earth was a little funky...
3. "Ong" wasn't... awful. For his first movie, at least. Give the boy a beak. He's like, 10 or 12... and it's his first movie. Ever. He doesn't know HOW to act just yet. But he did well with what minimal training he had.
4. Yue was pretty.
5. Blue Spirit was cool. I did like that part. It felt fairly true to the show. Maybe one of the only parts that was...
6. Sokka kicking butt. Like... literally. He kicked a fire nation soldier. It was funny. Sure, it should have been serious... but it wasn't.
7. The sets were pretty nice. But NOTHING beat the scenes filmed in Greenland.
And that basically sums up what I have to say about the movie. It wasn't the worst I've seen. It's certainly not even close to the best I've seen. I wish it was better. I had high hopes for it.. but it just didn't work out.
If you were on the fence seeing the movie... don't see it. If you really wanted to see it- go see it. Judge for yourself. Some fans like it more than others.
Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be
always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how
to answer everyone.
-- Colossians 4:5-6
Busy day, didn't really have time to think of anything. So... I bring you a review of the movie I saw today.
The Last Airbender
Normally, I'm not the reviewing type. But this deserves it. I'm a pretty big fan of the cartoon... and when I heard that the movie was going to be made, I watched news roll in. From who is playing who to watching almost all the promos. I was getting really into it. I was excited for it.
I wish I wasn't. I was telling people about the movie and how awesome and epic it would be. Now I have to sit here and tell them how it's not worth seeing. It really isn't...
My List of Complaints:
1. Ong?! Soh-ka? Ee-roh?! I'm sorry, but the pronunciation changes were just ridiculous. I practically cringed every time one of the names was said. I also mentally corrected everything. In my opinion, they were a little inconsistent in their pronunciation of "Avatar" some said it like most Americans would. Some said it "AH- va-tar". If there was at least a general "right" way of saying it... Yes, I know the "new" pronunciations are the correct way... but... we're all so used to the originals...
2. Pacing. The end felt... long. But everything else felt rushed. It was like, "Hey! We're in this village! Jk, we're actually at the northern air temple. No, actually we're at the norther water tribe." It was just way to hectic and quick paced. It would have been helpful if they split things up and took longer on certain aspects. The beginning is a great example. The ice berg was broken open and you see "Ong" then... they're at the village. Then... the Fire Nation is there. It was so rapid paced.
3. Hey! I think I spotted character development! Oh wait... no... I just remembered the cartoon. Like the character histories. Zuko's was told by a little boy... Yue's was a silly little answer to a question.... "Ong" never really grew. We kinda got a little glimpse at his childhood but... I knew so much more from the cartoon. We didn't learn anything about the characters. At all. Flat and boring.
4. "Ong"... smile? He was so carefree in the cartoon! He smiled and had a goofy grin. He didn't take many things seriously. In the movie... it was like he smiled two or three times, at the most.
5. Appa? Momo? You exist? They were shown... I don't think they were actually given names. Maybe Momo was... and they had very little screen time. It made me sad because the animals were a big part of the cartoon. They were lovable.
6. Monk Gyatso. I thought you were old... and... white. It just did not fit. I would not have imagined who they chose to be a fatherly figure. He just... it didn't work. I'm sorry.
7. Sokka should've been funny :(. It just took away his entire character. Fans of the series know Sokka as the one who always gets himself into trouble. He makes these wise comments. He's just generally a funny guy.
8. No humor. Practically all the humor was stripped away. We had some glimpses in trailers, but they were taken out. I was so looking forward to most of it. It would have made the movie much more light hearted and... more bearable. Some of the essence of the cartoon would have been there.
9. Haru?! You... you look like a girl! Well, at least I'm assuming it's Haru. We didn't really get a name for him. But it seriously looked like a girl. I kinda... I kinda wondered a bit.
10. Kyoshi Warriors... where are you? *sigh* The characters that would actually move the plot (sorry, Haru... you don't count) were cut! What is this?! They had filmed some stuff for them and everything. But they cut it. WHY?!
11. *flail for five seconds* *stops moving* *element moves* 'nuff said.
12. Pakku... we didn't even know your name! They seriously didn't give names to some of the side characters. It.. it upset me. It's like the didn't think the audience could handle all the names. But it's like.. "So who is that old guy?" "Oh, you mean Ee-roh?" "No, no. The one that was teaching water bending" "Oh. I dunno."
13. NWT should've been sexist and not let Katara train, like in the cartoon. This showed at least a little bit of Kataras strength. It also showed Pakku's cocky attitude. It showed that there were cultural differences. It would have been an opportunity for a fight scene.
14. A girl... training at an air temple. WHAT?! I'm sorry, but this is a blatant fact that goes against the show. Girls and boys were separated. They learned at different air temples. They did not work side by side.
15. Dialogue.... I think I could even write better dialogue than that. And I'm a horrible writer. That was just BAD. If the dialogue had been cleaned up a bit... the movie could have been better. As it stands... I almost covered my face with my hands after anyone said anything.
16. Narration. It felt more like a documentary. Telling us all that's going on, not showing us. It felt like it was giving us facts and not really connecting the movie together. It was also a little awkward. And the very beginning the narration just was not... good.
17. Spirit World. I'm sorry... a dragon does NOT replace Roku OR Koh. And it does NOT help in anyway. "Show them the power of water." Or you know.. save the moon spirit. Either one, of course...
18. Avatar State? We didn't even get a name for what was going on. It was just kinda like... "Oh... he's glowing... is that... normal?" I felt like some explanation would have been nice. At least a little bit...
19. Over use of slow-mo. The fight scenes were ridden with slow mo. It does not make an action scene better by slowing it down. I like if it's going regular speed. It's so much more exciting. Then you want to rewatch it to see if you missed something. Or just break it down. Not so with these...
20. "Ee-roh" was a disappointment. He's the happy, fat, fun loving, tea drinking, wisdom bearing uncle. We saw... wisdom bearing. A little bit. Totally took away the entire feeling of Iroh.
21. Zaoh's death. Why?! He KILLED the moon spirit. But just some normal benders KILL him.
22. The ending. It reminded me of "Breaking Dawn". The buildup for a really exciting battle and conclusion. But nope, everyone leaves. He was getting this BIG wave ready. And then.... he just drops it.
23. What the heck was with the "test" Zuko and "Ee-roh" give "Ong"? I was SO confused by that.
It may seem like I was a straight cartoon to movie kind of adaptation, but I don't. I like some of the allusions they gave. Like, about the library and Hama. And they cut the Great Divide. Otherwise...
Things I liked:
1. Jackson Rathbone. He may have been the redeeming actor in this movie. For a little while I actually believed he was "Soh-kka". It was still a bit dry, but his emotion when Yue died... aw. It just made me want to reach out and hug him.
2. CGI was pretty good. The animals were fairly believable (the lizard the fire nation rode were really nice). The elements, not too bad. Earth was a little funky...
3. "Ong" wasn't... awful. For his first movie, at least. Give the boy a beak. He's like, 10 or 12... and it's his first movie. Ever. He doesn't know HOW to act just yet. But he did well with what minimal training he had.
4. Yue was pretty.
5. Blue Spirit was cool. I did like that part. It felt fairly true to the show. Maybe one of the only parts that was...
6. Sokka kicking butt. Like... literally. He kicked a fire nation soldier. It was funny. Sure, it should have been serious... but it wasn't.
7. The sets were pretty nice. But NOTHING beat the scenes filmed in Greenland.
And that basically sums up what I have to say about the movie. It wasn't the worst I've seen. It's certainly not even close to the best I've seen. I wish it was better. I had high hopes for it.. but it just didn't work out.
If you were on the fence seeing the movie... don't see it. If you really wanted to see it- go see it. Judge for yourself. Some fans like it more than others.
Make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be
always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how
to answer everyone.
-- Colossians 4:5-6
Thursday
Day Six: Band
I was in band, once. Elementary school. Not very impressive, but you know... it's something. The one thing that I loved most was when we had to play without a director for one song.
One of the percussionists was sick and couldn't come to the concert to perform. However, without good percussion, the song just wasn't good. So our director goes and plays the drums throughout the entire song. The rest of us just have to go and play how we know it.
It was really exciting. The drums were nice and loud and it made us better. We managed to play the entire song without really messing up. I felt proud.
I played the flute. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I want to play it again. But, so far I think I'm just fine not playing it. It's not a big deal that I'm not...
But I really did like band...
Sorry this one's so short. Out for awhile today, and then I didn't feel to great. And now I'm tired and it's not even that late. But oh well.
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth
all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all
things.
-- 1 Corinthians 13:6-7
I was in band, once. Elementary school. Not very impressive, but you know... it's something. The one thing that I loved most was when we had to play without a director for one song.
One of the percussionists was sick and couldn't come to the concert to perform. However, without good percussion, the song just wasn't good. So our director goes and plays the drums throughout the entire song. The rest of us just have to go and play how we know it.
It was really exciting. The drums were nice and loud and it made us better. We managed to play the entire song without really messing up. I felt proud.
I played the flute. I keep going back and forth on whether or not I want to play it again. But, so far I think I'm just fine not playing it. It's not a big deal that I'm not...
But I really did like band...
Sorry this one's so short. Out for awhile today, and then I didn't feel to great. And now I'm tired and it's not even that late. But oh well.
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth
all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all
things.
-- 1 Corinthians 13:6-7
Wednesday
Day Five: Happy
A bit of a reflection today...
I rarely show that I'm upset. I rarely show that I'm angry. I rarely show that I'm annoyed. I rarely show anything besides happiness. Well, at least in real life. Online I find that it's a little bit easier to show all of my emotions... or at least most of them. I'm better when I have time to think out my words and everything.
But I have no idea where my generally happy outlook comes from...
However, I don't think I'm really 'me' without being happy. I'm bound to have a bad day or too, but I don't have many of them and I don't brood over them. Each day has a different set of problems so I just deal with them as they come.
Always being happy isn't a good thing though. It gets harder and harder to express anything else. Which, you know... it's pretty nice if you can. There are times when I need to just get everything out, and that's a little bit why I have this. This is basically my online journal.
I think I've always been a generally happy person. Except for that one period of time... but even then I was generally happy. I had nothing to bad to complain about. I was just lonely... I just wondered if anyone cared. It's all over now, so it doesn't matter.
This is all really boring... I guess I'll end it here. Sorry for the delay in posting this one, I had computer problems last night. Tonight's will be up on time... hopefully.
From everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those
who fear him, and his righteousness.
-- Psalm 103:17-18
A bit of a reflection today...
I rarely show that I'm upset. I rarely show that I'm angry. I rarely show that I'm annoyed. I rarely show anything besides happiness. Well, at least in real life. Online I find that it's a little bit easier to show all of my emotions... or at least most of them. I'm better when I have time to think out my words and everything.
But I have no idea where my generally happy outlook comes from...
However, I don't think I'm really 'me' without being happy. I'm bound to have a bad day or too, but I don't have many of them and I don't brood over them. Each day has a different set of problems so I just deal with them as they come.
Always being happy isn't a good thing though. It gets harder and harder to express anything else. Which, you know... it's pretty nice if you can. There are times when I need to just get everything out, and that's a little bit why I have this. This is basically my online journal.
I think I've always been a generally happy person. Except for that one period of time... but even then I was generally happy. I had nothing to bad to complain about. I was just lonely... I just wondered if anyone cared. It's all over now, so it doesn't matter.
This is all really boring... I guess I'll end it here. Sorry for the delay in posting this one, I had computer problems last night. Tonight's will be up on time... hopefully.
From everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those
who fear him, and his righteousness.
-- Psalm 103:17-18
Tuesday
Day Four: Gopher
Alright... this one stumped me. So, instead of writing about gophers, I'll continue with my usual non-interesting posts.
I've been watching the World Cup for the past few days. I'm not into sports, but it's interesting. I'm definitely finding myself getting interested for a good stretch of time. I'm pretty excited for the next few games... they're going to be pretty intense.
Today I finally went outside of the house and interacted with a friend of mine. It was about time that both of us stepped away from the computers and did something. So, we did. We sat at the park and talked to each other. It was nice.
Otherwise, I haven't been up to much lately. Just being lazy and stuff. But the next few days are going to be fun. Thursday: Seeing a friend I haven't seen since school ended. Friday: Going to see The Last Airbender with a friend. Sunday: Fourth of July! Going to see fireworks with a group of people I only see on the Fourth of July.
God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in
spirit and in truth.
-- John 4:24
Alright... this one stumped me. So, instead of writing about gophers, I'll continue with my usual non-interesting posts.
I've been watching the World Cup for the past few days. I'm not into sports, but it's interesting. I'm definitely finding myself getting interested for a good stretch of time. I'm pretty excited for the next few games... they're going to be pretty intense.
Today I finally went outside of the house and interacted with a friend of mine. It was about time that both of us stepped away from the computers and did something. So, we did. We sat at the park and talked to each other. It was nice.
Otherwise, I haven't been up to much lately. Just being lazy and stuff. But the next few days are going to be fun. Thursday: Seeing a friend I haven't seen since school ended. Friday: Going to see The Last Airbender with a friend. Sunday: Fourth of July! Going to see fireworks with a group of people I only see on the Fourth of July.
God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in
spirit and in truth.
-- John 4:24
Monday
Day Three: Bravado
Name: Nikolai Titov
Age: 21
Sex: M
Born: June 3, 1848
Died: August 20, 1869
Nikolai was born under a dark sky, just shortly after one in the morning. He was the third son, and fifth child of the Titov family. They lived in a bustling village many miles away from Moscow. He was born a normal, healthy baby. Nikolai had wisps of bright blond hair and dazzling blue eyes.
He grew up as a normal child. Or so it seemed to everyone else. He laughed and he played. He studied hard when he needed to. He helped when he was called to, and sometimes when he wasn't. He lived a childhood filled with scraped knees and hard work. His hands became calloused as he grew older, doing hard work on the farms. Nikolai was the youngest of the family. He was babied by his older siblings but was raised to be a man. He learned quickly that real men never show something is wrong.
He married at the age of 18, and died only days before their third anniversary. Nikolai never had any children. However, he was completely devoted to his wife. She never married again.
Nikolai was turning into a very handsome man. He had a tall, lanky stature, reaching almost six feet. He had long hands, roughened from working long days in the fields. Nikolai's blond hair at birth slowly turned brown. His blue eyes became hazel. He had a strong jaw and full lips. As Nikolai grew older, his eyes grew more and more almond shaped.
Most importantly, he died with a secret. Most men do. But this secret what something he never told anyone. It was his heart. There were moments where it began to race, as if he run the entire way to the school and back. Even more frightening, he could feel the blood pulsing through his body. The first time he felt this, he was still a boy. Only 13. However, at that point he knew real men didn't show anything was wrong. So, he kept it a secret.
As he grew up, the mysterious heart problems had lapses. Some times he would go months without and episode. Some times he had an episode up to five times a month. It hurt, but he didn't know what to do. He worried someday he would die of this. Once he was married, he was determined to live his life, to be there for his wife. He also pledged to be there for his child, but he never got to.
During mid August, Nikolai took his wife and moved into the city. He hoped for a better opportunity. On the way there, they were met with some thieves. Nikolai fought them off as bravely as he could. He was shaking with fear inside. He did not want his wife hurt. The thieves ran off, unable to grab anything valuable. Nikolai had serious wounds. His wife did her best to bandage them up. They continued onto their destination. They rushed to find a hospital. However, it ended up being too late.
Not once did he complain to his wife of the horrible pain that was wracking his body constantly after the attack. After the doctor examined him, he fell asleep in the bed, feeling a wave of relaxation. His pain ebbed away as he drifted off. He was never woken up.
----
And that is a short character profile. I almost feel bad for him... and I've only worked with Nikolai for a few hours. I may never need him, but it will be nice to have this. It'll help me create profiles in the future.
Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from
there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
-- Philippians 3:20
Name: Nikolai Titov
Age: 21
Sex: M
Born: June 3, 1848
Died: August 20, 1869
Nikolai was born under a dark sky, just shortly after one in the morning. He was the third son, and fifth child of the Titov family. They lived in a bustling village many miles away from Moscow. He was born a normal, healthy baby. Nikolai had wisps of bright blond hair and dazzling blue eyes.
He grew up as a normal child. Or so it seemed to everyone else. He laughed and he played. He studied hard when he needed to. He helped when he was called to, and sometimes when he wasn't. He lived a childhood filled with scraped knees and hard work. His hands became calloused as he grew older, doing hard work on the farms. Nikolai was the youngest of the family. He was babied by his older siblings but was raised to be a man. He learned quickly that real men never show something is wrong.
He married at the age of 18, and died only days before their third anniversary. Nikolai never had any children. However, he was completely devoted to his wife. She never married again.
Nikolai was turning into a very handsome man. He had a tall, lanky stature, reaching almost six feet. He had long hands, roughened from working long days in the fields. Nikolai's blond hair at birth slowly turned brown. His blue eyes became hazel. He had a strong jaw and full lips. As Nikolai grew older, his eyes grew more and more almond shaped.
Most importantly, he died with a secret. Most men do. But this secret what something he never told anyone. It was his heart. There were moments where it began to race, as if he run the entire way to the school and back. Even more frightening, he could feel the blood pulsing through his body. The first time he felt this, he was still a boy. Only 13. However, at that point he knew real men didn't show anything was wrong. So, he kept it a secret.
As he grew up, the mysterious heart problems had lapses. Some times he would go months without and episode. Some times he had an episode up to five times a month. It hurt, but he didn't know what to do. He worried someday he would die of this. Once he was married, he was determined to live his life, to be there for his wife. He also pledged to be there for his child, but he never got to.
During mid August, Nikolai took his wife and moved into the city. He hoped for a better opportunity. On the way there, they were met with some thieves. Nikolai fought them off as bravely as he could. He was shaking with fear inside. He did not want his wife hurt. The thieves ran off, unable to grab anything valuable. Nikolai had serious wounds. His wife did her best to bandage them up. They continued onto their destination. They rushed to find a hospital. However, it ended up being too late.
Not once did he complain to his wife of the horrible pain that was wracking his body constantly after the attack. After the doctor examined him, he fell asleep in the bed, feeling a wave of relaxation. His pain ebbed away as he drifted off. He was never woken up.
----
And that is a short character profile. I almost feel bad for him... and I've only worked with Nikolai for a few hours. I may never need him, but it will be nice to have this. It'll help me create profiles in the future.
Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from
there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
-- Philippians 3:20
Sunday
Saturday
I've always wanted to keep myself busy through summer. But, there are some days where I just can't get out of the house, so I need something to do. I have decide to challenge myself. I have a list of 143 prompts. Everyday I choose one and I get the day to work on it. If I happen to finish it long before the day is over, I can choose a second one.
What I can produce can be just about anything- a picture, a graphic, a poem, a short story, a drabble, the beginning of a story, an outline of a character, a memory, a journal entry, and so on. Most of it will be writing. However, I might combine some of these into one post.
I'm starting this challenge today!
DAY ONE: Visionary
Something just wasn't right. She was gone! I had seen her body! She practically died in front of me. How could I be seeing her again? It's been over a year. I've moved on. There's really nothing to remember her by. All the boxes have been moved out and I just have my memories of her.
It's creepy, seeing her again. Especially at her favorite place. She loved going to the lake. But we avoided going after she left. It just wasn't right. On this day... exactly one year we decided to relive a memory.
What a reliving.
I crept a little closer, the wood creaking softly under me. I cringed. Everything is so much louder when you're trying to be quiet. She taught me that.
She turned around, looking shocked. She was sitting in my favorite spot. It was like she wanted me to find her. But I didn't want to find her. I'm over her, she had to know that. Certainly she's been watching me for the past year.
I just stood there, staring. I can't go to her, that would be crazy. But I'm already out here, in the middle of the night. I'm practically freezing in my shorts and tank top. No shoes, that would make too much noise. I learned that on my own.
This just had to be a dream. No way was this real. She began to walk, well more like float, closer to me. My entire body was telling me to run away. Something deeper wanted to stay, let her find me. It would be really hard to miss me. I'm the only one here! Everyone else is sleeping, like I should be. I take a step back. It's getting late. I'm tired. She thinks differently. She's standing at the edge of the dock now. It's like she's actually there...
But she's not. I know she isn't.
----
As I was writing, I realized that this was starting to sound more and more like "Pretty Little Liars". It's something I might go back and edit some day. So, there's day one.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has
compassion on those who fear him.
-- Psalm 103:13
What I can produce can be just about anything- a picture, a graphic, a poem, a short story, a drabble, the beginning of a story, an outline of a character, a memory, a journal entry, and so on. Most of it will be writing. However, I might combine some of these into one post.
I'm starting this challenge today!
DAY ONE: Visionary
Something just wasn't right. She was gone! I had seen her body! She practically died in front of me. How could I be seeing her again? It's been over a year. I've moved on. There's really nothing to remember her by. All the boxes have been moved out and I just have my memories of her.
It's creepy, seeing her again. Especially at her favorite place. She loved going to the lake. But we avoided going after she left. It just wasn't right. On this day... exactly one year we decided to relive a memory.
What a reliving.
I crept a little closer, the wood creaking softly under me. I cringed. Everything is so much louder when you're trying to be quiet. She taught me that.
She turned around, looking shocked. She was sitting in my favorite spot. It was like she wanted me to find her. But I didn't want to find her. I'm over her, she had to know that. Certainly she's been watching me for the past year.
I just stood there, staring. I can't go to her, that would be crazy. But I'm already out here, in the middle of the night. I'm practically freezing in my shorts and tank top. No shoes, that would make too much noise. I learned that on my own.
This just had to be a dream. No way was this real. She began to walk, well more like float, closer to me. My entire body was telling me to run away. Something deeper wanted to stay, let her find me. It would be really hard to miss me. I'm the only one here! Everyone else is sleeping, like I should be. I take a step back. It's getting late. I'm tired. She thinks differently. She's standing at the edge of the dock now. It's like she's actually there...
But she's not. I know she isn't.
----
As I was writing, I realized that this was starting to sound more and more like "Pretty Little Liars". It's something I might go back and edit some day. So, there's day one.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has
compassion on those who fear him.
-- Psalm 103:13
Thursday
FREEDOM! I have a taste of it! :)
Today I was REALLY bored so I was looking up things to do in my city. Then I saw that we had a planetarium! Dude. I didn't know that!
So I looked to see if anything was going on. And yes- there was tonight. So I was like, "Sweet, Maybe I can convince my parents to let me go alone." But as the day went on I kinda lost interest in going.
I told my friend about it and she was all "I'll go with you." and so... we went.
Alone. As in- I drove. The entire time.
Besides taking a wrong turn when exiting the parking lot, and not quite knowing how to turn my lights on (about two minutes later I figured out) it was un eventful. But I have a toaster oven of a car.
However, I found it really interesting and fun at the planetarium. It was on ancient Egypt. In the end, I was glad I went. I learned a little bit. But just staring up at the "stars" was amazing.
I have to say, I'm glad my parents allow me the freedom to pick up a friend and go into town. I know there are others out there whose parents do the same... but it's different once it's your own parents. I think I proved to myself and another person that I AM a good driver!
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
-- Colossians 3:13
Today I was REALLY bored so I was looking up things to do in my city. Then I saw that we had a planetarium! Dude. I didn't know that!
So I looked to see if anything was going on. And yes- there was tonight. So I was like, "Sweet, Maybe I can convince my parents to let me go alone." But as the day went on I kinda lost interest in going.
I told my friend about it and she was all "I'll go with you." and so... we went.
Alone. As in- I drove. The entire time.
Besides taking a wrong turn when exiting the parking lot, and not quite knowing how to turn my lights on (about two minutes later I figured out) it was un eventful. But I have a toaster oven of a car.
However, I found it really interesting and fun at the planetarium. It was on ancient Egypt. In the end, I was glad I went. I learned a little bit. But just staring up at the "stars" was amazing.
I have to say, I'm glad my parents allow me the freedom to pick up a friend and go into town. I know there are others out there whose parents do the same... but it's different once it's your own parents. I think I proved to myself and another person that I AM a good driver!
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
-- Colossians 3:13
Wednesday
So, I decided to update the look of my blog. It's nice. I like it. I had such a hard time trying to decide what to do as my background. This fits though. I LOVE color wheels. Just slowly moving over to the exact right color. Love it. It's the perfectionist in me that likes this.
Nothing too exciting going on. However, today I got my car registered so I am completely 100% legally able to drive without an adult in the car. That makes me SO happy. I've been waiting for this for awhile. It might be awhile until it's put into good use, though.
I'm looking forward to Saturday. Seeing the Karate Kid! I haven't seen the original but it looks really cool. I think it's going to be a packed theater.
I'm also looking forward to July. July 1st- The Last Airbender comes out. (Yeah, they pushed the release date up). I cannot WAIT. July 4th- I finally have a car so I can go see the fireworks with my friends this year :). Late July- Hopefully going to Costa Rica! I pray to God that my mom has a vacation and that my parents were seriously considering going when they asked. I would LOVE to go. So badly.
Since it's Summer, I tend to read a little bit more. Already I've read: "A Walk to Remember" (easy one day read). The Diary of Anne Frank. Multi- Day read but that's because it was a little dry and hard to get through many pages in a sitting. I started Frankenstein (like, the prologue or first chapter, and that's it). "An Abundance of Katherines" Good book also a one day read. "Fade" I was thoroughly confused because I forgot everything that happened in the first book. I guess that's what happens when I wake too long to read the sequel. About a two or three day read. "Blue Noon" I also forgot what happened in previous books, but a good stand alone in my opinion. About a three day read (For 500 pages- so a one day read is just over 200 pages). Now I'm reading "Syren" over 600 pages and I've made a VERY small dent in it. Basically day two and I'm not even 100 pages in. Ouch. But, to be honest I haven't been putting in the time to read it so it's not really fair. But I'll probably be done within a weeks time. Maybe less.
55 days until my birthday! So far awwwaayyyy.... Oh well. I'm going to be 16! Geeeezz... I already feel like I'm 16. I guess it's because everyone else around me is 16. Well... almost everyone. Either way. I get a free day for my birthday this year! No registration (that's the day after) no school soon (18th) and NO driver's ed! (haha, that was last year). Maybe I might actually do something besides sleep in.
Naaaahhh.
Shoot. I had something to say. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm.
I guess not. Well, alright then.
LIES! I thought of it. I've been working on a story. I'm not very far yet but this has the most characters I've worked with. I have about 10 characters. I'm going to have a hard time pulling it all off, but I really want to try and weave all the stories together. If I manage to finish it (lololololol. Right, me finish a story?!?!).
Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads
to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate
and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
-- Matthew 7:13-14
Nothing too exciting going on. However, today I got my car registered so I am completely 100% legally able to drive without an adult in the car. That makes me SO happy. I've been waiting for this for awhile. It might be awhile until it's put into good use, though.
I'm looking forward to Saturday. Seeing the Karate Kid! I haven't seen the original but it looks really cool. I think it's going to be a packed theater.
I'm also looking forward to July. July 1st- The Last Airbender comes out. (Yeah, they pushed the release date up). I cannot WAIT. July 4th- I finally have a car so I can go see the fireworks with my friends this year :). Late July- Hopefully going to Costa Rica! I pray to God that my mom has a vacation and that my parents were seriously considering going when they asked. I would LOVE to go. So badly.
Since it's Summer, I tend to read a little bit more. Already I've read: "A Walk to Remember" (easy one day read). The Diary of Anne Frank. Multi- Day read but that's because it was a little dry and hard to get through many pages in a sitting. I started Frankenstein (like, the prologue or first chapter, and that's it). "An Abundance of Katherines" Good book also a one day read. "Fade" I was thoroughly confused because I forgot everything that happened in the first book. I guess that's what happens when I wake too long to read the sequel. About a two or three day read. "Blue Noon" I also forgot what happened in previous books, but a good stand alone in my opinion. About a three day read (For 500 pages- so a one day read is just over 200 pages). Now I'm reading "Syren" over 600 pages and I've made a VERY small dent in it. Basically day two and I'm not even 100 pages in. Ouch. But, to be honest I haven't been putting in the time to read it so it's not really fair. But I'll probably be done within a weeks time. Maybe less.
55 days until my birthday! So far awwwaayyyy.... Oh well. I'm going to be 16! Geeeezz... I already feel like I'm 16. I guess it's because everyone else around me is 16. Well... almost everyone. Either way. I get a free day for my birthday this year! No registration (that's the day after) no school soon (18th) and NO driver's ed! (haha, that was last year). Maybe I might actually do something besides sleep in.
Naaaahhh.
Shoot. I had something to say. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm.
I guess not. Well, alright then.
LIES! I thought of it. I've been working on a story. I'm not very far yet but this has the most characters I've worked with. I have about 10 characters. I'm going to have a hard time pulling it all off, but I really want to try and weave all the stories together. If I manage to finish it (lololololol. Right, me finish a story?!?!).
Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads
to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate
and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
-- Matthew 7:13-14
Looking back, my last post was very irrational. I'm feeling tons better today. But still pooped and it's only 10. Though I guess that can be explained. I cleaned my car for two hours (at least, I also went through a small tire changing session). So, scrubbing, vacuuming and contorting myself so I could get everywhere kinda tires you out. I also went to the pool. Then the park after. Semi packed day so I'm just a little tired.
However I am feeling good. Sleepy, but otherwise feeling good. No thoughts of wondering if anyone cared. I love sleep though. It is amazing. I think I shouldn't push being up so late so much. I'll save the one or two in the morning conversations for when it really matters :).
Anyhow, my knee has been acting up a bit lately. It hurts more often at night, but I can feel it when I'm just up too much. I need to be sure I'm not brushing off the pain too much because some day it might turn into something serious. But at this point, it's just a nuisance when I'm sitting around, trying to get tired enough to sleep.
In other news... I have almost officially lost four pounds. 4 down, 16 more to go. Yes. 16. I want to weigh less than I did in middle school. Lets see if it's an achievable goal. If not.... I'm content with under 130 :). (Which I have weight SINCE middle school). I'm just hoping I can keep those four pounds OFF.
Sunburn healing (it's peeling, now) and it doesn't hurt. My face is kinda burnt from my adventure today but it should go away soon.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.
-- Proverbs 15:1
However I am feeling good. Sleepy, but otherwise feeling good. No thoughts of wondering if anyone cared. I love sleep though. It is amazing. I think I shouldn't push being up so late so much. I'll save the one or two in the morning conversations for when it really matters :).
Anyhow, my knee has been acting up a bit lately. It hurts more often at night, but I can feel it when I'm just up too much. I need to be sure I'm not brushing off the pain too much because some day it might turn into something serious. But at this point, it's just a nuisance when I'm sitting around, trying to get tired enough to sleep.
In other news... I have almost officially lost four pounds. 4 down, 16 more to go. Yes. 16. I want to weigh less than I did in middle school. Lets see if it's an achievable goal. If not.... I'm content with under 130 :). (Which I have weight SINCE middle school). I'm just hoping I can keep those four pounds OFF.
Sunburn healing (it's peeling, now) and it doesn't hurt. My face is kinda burnt from my adventure today but it should go away soon.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.
-- Proverbs 15:1
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I'm getting depressed again. It's preliminary, because it's only been about... three or four days. But, the feelings are the same as every other time. Bursts of wanting to cry... the thoughts of self mutilation... sleeping more.... eating more... not wanting to go out and see people... talking less and less to people...
Though I'm not sure all of those are particularly my fault. I'm tired, so I sleep. Most of my friends are out of the country, so I don't talk to them much. I haven't had any face to face human interaction (besides family) for about a week. I'm home alone, so I'm bored. I eat. I feel like crap because no one seems to care so I almost cry. I think about how no one would notice even if I did cut myself...
It's all rationalizing something that shouldn't be rationalized. I'm freakin' depressed. There's no way of getting around it. Maybe it'll go away after I see my friend tomorrow. Lack of sleep is not the case this time. I have gone to bed early and slept in late for two nights in a row. One night usually does it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me this time but... it's life I suppose.
I just don't know anymore... life isn't exciting and there's nothing to talk about since it's summer now. I love the fact that it's summer. It's basically freedom. I soon get my own car (for like the fiftieth time). Things have been pretty crazy and I'm just not sure what I've reported out and what I haven't. And because I just don't know and don't care to check... these are the two most "exciting" things to have happened to me; a funeral and major sunburn. Neither was very pleasant.
I'm feeling like crap so I'm going to go ahead and just sign off right now.
Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact
you are doing.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Though I'm not sure all of those are particularly my fault. I'm tired, so I sleep. Most of my friends are out of the country, so I don't talk to them much. I haven't had any face to face human interaction (besides family) for about a week. I'm home alone, so I'm bored. I eat. I feel like crap because no one seems to care so I almost cry. I think about how no one would notice even if I did cut myself...
It's all rationalizing something that shouldn't be rationalized. I'm freakin' depressed. There's no way of getting around it. Maybe it'll go away after I see my friend tomorrow. Lack of sleep is not the case this time. I have gone to bed early and slept in late for two nights in a row. One night usually does it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me this time but... it's life I suppose.
I just don't know anymore... life isn't exciting and there's nothing to talk about since it's summer now. I love the fact that it's summer. It's basically freedom. I soon get my own car (for like the fiftieth time). Things have been pretty crazy and I'm just not sure what I've reported out and what I haven't. And because I just don't know and don't care to check... these are the two most "exciting" things to have happened to me; a funeral and major sunburn. Neither was very pleasant.
I'm feeling like crap so I'm going to go ahead and just sign off right now.
Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact
you are doing.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Monday
So it's been about a month and things have changed. My choir performanced went pretty well, no complaints... except it was really long. Confirmation went well... ish. We just had to be there for an obnoxious amount of time.
I had some time away from my sister, which is a pretty good thing. And finals are coming up... tomorrow. I should be studying right now but it's only science... and it's a final that I should do well on. I found out some stuff and I think I can do fairly well on it. However, my math final I'm freaking out about. Just so long as I pass... at this point... if I get a 0 on it, I get a 68.... which IS passing. XP. So, hopefully I do better than that and maybe get a C? Please?
You know, there's probably been a lot of stuff going on but I'm not so sure what right now. Nothing new or exciting besides being an idiot...
So, lets hope finals week goes great and I can have a fun summer with
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your
freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in
love.
-- Galatians 5:13
I had some time away from my sister, which is a pretty good thing. And finals are coming up... tomorrow. I should be studying right now but it's only science... and it's a final that I should do well on. I found out some stuff and I think I can do fairly well on it. However, my math final I'm freaking out about. Just so long as I pass... at this point... if I get a 0 on it, I get a 68.... which IS passing. XP. So, hopefully I do better than that and maybe get a C? Please?
You know, there's probably been a lot of stuff going on but I'm not so sure what right now. Nothing new or exciting besides being an idiot...
So, lets hope finals week goes great and I can have a fun summer with
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your
freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in
love.
-- Galatians 5:13
I was grounded from the computer over the weekend. What for? I got a 73% on a math test that I didn't know we were having.
Whaaa?
How does THAT make sense?
I dunno. But it does in my sister's mind. So I read a 400 page book all of Saturday. Practically all in one sitting. Crazy. I typically don't read a book that fast. Ever. But I guess since I had nothing better to do... *shrug*. I mean, it's not like I would've spent hours on homework...
Then, on Sunday I had my last confirmation class. :D. That makes me so happy. I won't ever have to step into that building and be tortured. Yessss.
Then today. It was actually a fairly good day for a Monday. Except for how I woke up. 6AM with a reaaaaaallllyyyy bad cramp. :(. Thankfully it went away and I kinda drifted off to sleep. Photo- worked a little bit on my project. Choir- finished learning choreography and worked up a sweat running through it all a bunch of times. But thankfully it's done now and just some polishing up. Dress rehearsal Wednesday and I can't wait. I have a really pretty Marilyn Monroe-esque dress. History- watched a movie about what to do if we were ever to have a nuclear bomb dropped on us... DUCK AND COVER! Then in English we read, wrote about what we were like as 7 year olds and then most of us read them out loud. I read mine out loud andd.... I wrote a lot. And I trip over my words... even when my writing makes perfect sense.
In other news... I'm actually excited for my choir performance. I mean, it's not a big deal because its show choir-y/musical theater and I don't really like performing that kind of stuff. However.... I think now that the hard part is over (aka, learning it all) it's the fun stuff. Being on stage. It's what I love. Too bad I'm basically giving it up. No more choir. No more acting. *shrug*
Let see... what else.. what else...
Oh. Choir just got really awkward. Because this year we actually have guys, so some of the girls are paired up and such. Today the director decides that I will have a partner for the last song. Whop. De. Do. I'm so excited. Can't you tell?
Anyhow, that's life.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
-- Romans 12:12
Whaaa?
How does THAT make sense?
I dunno. But it does in my sister's mind. So I read a 400 page book all of Saturday. Practically all in one sitting. Crazy. I typically don't read a book that fast. Ever. But I guess since I had nothing better to do... *shrug*. I mean, it's not like I would've spent hours on homework...
Then, on Sunday I had my last confirmation class. :D. That makes me so happy. I won't ever have to step into that building and be tortured. Yessss.
Then today. It was actually a fairly good day for a Monday. Except for how I woke up. 6AM with a reaaaaaallllyyyy bad cramp. :(. Thankfully it went away and I kinda drifted off to sleep. Photo- worked a little bit on my project. Choir- finished learning choreography and worked up a sweat running through it all a bunch of times. But thankfully it's done now and just some polishing up. Dress rehearsal Wednesday and I can't wait. I have a really pretty Marilyn Monroe-esque dress. History- watched a movie about what to do if we were ever to have a nuclear bomb dropped on us... DUCK AND COVER! Then in English we read, wrote about what we were like as 7 year olds and then most of us read them out loud. I read mine out loud andd.... I wrote a lot. And I trip over my words... even when my writing makes perfect sense.
In other news... I'm actually excited for my choir performance. I mean, it's not a big deal because its show choir-y/musical theater and I don't really like performing that kind of stuff. However.... I think now that the hard part is over (aka, learning it all) it's the fun stuff. Being on stage. It's what I love. Too bad I'm basically giving it up. No more choir. No more acting. *shrug*
Let see... what else.. what else...
Oh. Choir just got really awkward. Because this year we actually have guys, so some of the girls are paired up and such. Today the director decides that I will have a partner for the last song. Whop. De. Do. I'm so excited. Can't you tell?
Anyhow, that's life.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
-- Romans 12:12
Friday
Last day of April, and it snows. What is this?
Blarg. I'm feeling really bad right now. I'm feeling like I did last friday- like I just want to curl up and sleep for hours. My most recent math test? 73. Granted, that is better than I thought I would do. But I was feeling bad before I found that out.
I had a fairly good week. NHS, volunteer hours on Monday. Tuesday, normal. Wednesday, choir and it was really fun. Thursday, math test. Today... nothing day. Went out to celebrate my sister's birthday (which isn't for another week). Had stir fry and ice cream. Twas yummy.
I get home and I'm just like, "bleh." Don't want to interact with people for a few days.
Oh, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this- but my sister's boyfriend is moving in. He just finished moving out of his old apartment and is now part of ours. It'sll take some time for things to be situated but that's how it goes.
Hmmmmm.... what else...?
Oh. I know. Guys. They are very confusing. I think I've got them figured out and then I'm not so sure. I guess I'll never know, but that's OK for now. I guess right now I'm just happy that he doesn't hate me...
And that's my week in a nutshell.
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand
upon the earth.
-- Job 19:25
Blarg. I'm feeling really bad right now. I'm feeling like I did last friday- like I just want to curl up and sleep for hours. My most recent math test? 73. Granted, that is better than I thought I would do. But I was feeling bad before I found that out.
I had a fairly good week. NHS, volunteer hours on Monday. Tuesday, normal. Wednesday, choir and it was really fun. Thursday, math test. Today... nothing day. Went out to celebrate my sister's birthday (which isn't for another week). Had stir fry and ice cream. Twas yummy.
I get home and I'm just like, "bleh." Don't want to interact with people for a few days.
Oh, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this- but my sister's boyfriend is moving in. He just finished moving out of his old apartment and is now part of ours. It'sll take some time for things to be situated but that's how it goes.
Hmmmmm.... what else...?
Oh. I know. Guys. They are very confusing. I think I've got them figured out and then I'm not so sure. I guess I'll never know, but that's OK for now. I guess right now I'm just happy that he doesn't hate me...
And that's my week in a nutshell.
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand
upon the earth.
-- Job 19:25
Tuesday
Ok, this is kinda sad... I was looking through some old status updates I had. One of them was "I'm ready when you're ready for me" because it's a line from one of the songs I really like right now. Three minutes later... "It's quite ironic that in life, the person that brings out the best in you and the one that makes you strong is also your greatest weakness" from a guy that used to like me, that I like now... and he might still like me. I don't know for sure. I didn't realize that until today. I know it probably doesn't mean anything but still... geez. Talk about coincidence, right?
Anyhow, yesterday I got inducted to national honor society. Never again do I want to wear heels. How do some girls do it?!?!
Otherwise, my life hasn't been that interesting besides starting to write a new story.
You know that it was not with perishable things such as silver
or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed
down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of
Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.
-- 1 Peter 1:18-19
Anyhow, yesterday I got inducted to national honor society. Never again do I want to wear heels. How do some girls do it?!?!
Otherwise, my life hasn't been that interesting besides starting to write a new story.
You know that it was not with perishable things such as silver
or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed
down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of
Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.
-- 1 Peter 1:18-19
Friday
I don't even know anymore.
I was having a pretty good week. At least, I think I was. I can't really remember much... it's all a bit sketchy. Monday... was pretty cool. Tuesday.... was empty. Wednesday... was good. Started choreography in choir, which really isn't that good. Also started work on school service hours... planted a tree :D. Then Thursday... took a math test (that I did fairly well on), did some more service hours. Then today... kinda went through the motions. It's friday, and I just die on Fridays. Took a test in history (did well on that one, too). And helped my history teacher grade tests... it's funny because I did what his student aids could do in an hour... in about 10 minutes. XD. Epic. Fail.
Anyhow, maybe as a senior I'll aid for him. He's a pretty cool teacher. And it's not like I'd end up doing much anyway... :P.
It's been pretty rainy and icky all day. It's nice.
Then for the past like... week at least my friend has been going on and on and on and on and on and on and... on about she's so upset about the fact that the guy she likes is basically having sex with another girl. I just want her to shut up. Yes, I understand you're upset but seriously? When that's the only thing you talk about. God Damn. Seriously?!?
Hmm... anyway.... I dunno. I'm tired. I want to go to sleep and not wake up until Monday, get inducted to NHS (national honor society), go back to bed and not get up until I have to get Confirmed. Then I can survive school.
*sigh*
Ooooh... my sister's boyfriend is staying with us for awhile. Don't know why, don't want to know. But this will be interesting...
Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But
thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus
Christ.
-- 1 Corinthians 15:55-57
I was having a pretty good week. At least, I think I was. I can't really remember much... it's all a bit sketchy. Monday... was pretty cool. Tuesday.... was empty. Wednesday... was good. Started choreography in choir, which really isn't that good. Also started work on school service hours... planted a tree :D. Then Thursday... took a math test (that I did fairly well on), did some more service hours. Then today... kinda went through the motions. It's friday, and I just die on Fridays. Took a test in history (did well on that one, too). And helped my history teacher grade tests... it's funny because I did what his student aids could do in an hour... in about 10 minutes. XD. Epic. Fail.
Anyhow, maybe as a senior I'll aid for him. He's a pretty cool teacher. And it's not like I'd end up doing much anyway... :P.
It's been pretty rainy and icky all day. It's nice.
Then for the past like... week at least my friend has been going on and on and on and on and on and on and... on about she's so upset about the fact that the guy she likes is basically having sex with another girl. I just want her to shut up. Yes, I understand you're upset but seriously? When that's the only thing you talk about. God Damn. Seriously?!?
Hmm... anyway.... I dunno. I'm tired. I want to go to sleep and not wake up until Monday, get inducted to NHS (national honor society), go back to bed and not get up until I have to get Confirmed. Then I can survive school.
*sigh*
Ooooh... my sister's boyfriend is staying with us for awhile. Don't know why, don't want to know. But this will be interesting...
Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But
thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus
Christ.
-- 1 Corinthians 15:55-57
Sunday
So, I was at a retreat this weekend. I'll be honest.... I wasn't going into it with an open mind. I just kinda figured it was a waste of my weekend and I could have done better things with my time (Lol, I probably wouldn't have).
Saturday morning I forget to turn off my alarm so I'm up at 6:30. I just lay in bed for about an hour and then decide to get up.I eat a little breakfast and just laze around, packing up a little bit. I finish packing up and my sister has me do some chores. Finally, it was time to leave.
I got there around 9:30, but I didn't spend a lot of time there. I had to go sing for a First Communion Mass. It was 2 hours (almost) so I didn't get back to the retreat until almost noon. Had this little discussion, played duck, duck goose. it was all great until guys got competitive and broke stuff :P. Then we had lunch. The girls and guys were split up and we were in our respective rooms. Talked some more.
Then we grouped back together and...... I can't remember. We had the option to go to confession or just go into the church and pray (which is what I did- I lost track of time so bad. It ends up that I was praying for almost a half hour). There was a lot of free time for the rest of the day and it kinda made me wonder. Anyhow, there was dinner and then we tried to do praise and worship singing... it did not work out well. Then we did adoration. Now, adoration with this group of people tends to be a very interesting thing. It started off with a lot of people crying hysterically. Then people starting laughing. I was just sitting there, head bowed and just trying to focus on God. While all these people are laughing, I'm starting to tear up. It's nothing new because it happens a lot during adoration.
Then I felt almost all of the physical aspects of crying- my chin started to quiver, my body began shaking a little bit and stuff like that. Now some of the leaders were going around and praying over people. By this point I felt a hand on my shoulder and I realized I was crying. Like, actual tears. It wasn't the sobbing that everyone else had... just quiet tears. I'm able to calm down enough to feel my friend Nicole pass me a tissue. Shortly after they had us calm down and do an activity... basically right some nice things you see in people that you got to know that day. It was hard because I was basically attached to Nicole the whole day XD. But I managed to do all 6. I only got two (hahahahaha. How lame am I?). But one was very touching to me. Here's what it said: "You have a very calm soul. I never see you scream or yell, it is nice to [see] such a peace and serenity in such a young person. You seem wise beyond years, share what you know with others. I feel like God is calling you to that."
Just something about that... I'm not sure what it was... but something about what he said... I dunno. it's hard to explain. Anyhow, after that was even more free time.
At midnight they rounded us up and separated us so we could sleep... (yeah right). The girls debated keeping the lights on or off... (we turned them off) and people were talking. Finally I decided that I had enough with the talking and told them to (politely) shut up. And they did. Woah.
Then at 4AM Nicole and I had to get up to do another half hour of adoration. We did slightly less and went back to sleep. Finally at 8 they woke us up. Got ready, ate breakfast. Played Simon says, heard one more person talk. Presented some stuff. Had more group discussions and then went to Church, where we all tried not to fall asleep.
Once I got home I took a nap. And then I used the computer (Oh sweet technology, how I missed it). And I'm happy. Tired, but happy.
At just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ
died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous
man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But
God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still
sinners, Christ died for us.
-- Romans 5:6-8
Saturday morning I forget to turn off my alarm so I'm up at 6:30. I just lay in bed for about an hour and then decide to get up.I eat a little breakfast and just laze around, packing up a little bit. I finish packing up and my sister has me do some chores. Finally, it was time to leave.
I got there around 9:30, but I didn't spend a lot of time there. I had to go sing for a First Communion Mass. It was 2 hours (almost) so I didn't get back to the retreat until almost noon. Had this little discussion, played duck, duck goose. it was all great until guys got competitive and broke stuff :P. Then we had lunch. The girls and guys were split up and we were in our respective rooms. Talked some more.
Then we grouped back together and...... I can't remember. We had the option to go to confession or just go into the church and pray (which is what I did- I lost track of time so bad. It ends up that I was praying for almost a half hour). There was a lot of free time for the rest of the day and it kinda made me wonder. Anyhow, there was dinner and then we tried to do praise and worship singing... it did not work out well. Then we did adoration. Now, adoration with this group of people tends to be a very interesting thing. It started off with a lot of people crying hysterically. Then people starting laughing. I was just sitting there, head bowed and just trying to focus on God. While all these people are laughing, I'm starting to tear up. It's nothing new because it happens a lot during adoration.
Then I felt almost all of the physical aspects of crying- my chin started to quiver, my body began shaking a little bit and stuff like that. Now some of the leaders were going around and praying over people. By this point I felt a hand on my shoulder and I realized I was crying. Like, actual tears. It wasn't the sobbing that everyone else had... just quiet tears. I'm able to calm down enough to feel my friend Nicole pass me a tissue. Shortly after they had us calm down and do an activity... basically right some nice things you see in people that you got to know that day. It was hard because I was basically attached to Nicole the whole day XD. But I managed to do all 6. I only got two (hahahahaha. How lame am I?). But one was very touching to me. Here's what it said: "You have a very calm soul. I never see you scream or yell, it is nice to [see] such a peace and serenity in such a young person. You seem wise beyond years, share what you know with others. I feel like God is calling you to that."
Just something about that... I'm not sure what it was... but something about what he said... I dunno. it's hard to explain. Anyhow, after that was even more free time.
At midnight they rounded us up and separated us so we could sleep... (yeah right). The girls debated keeping the lights on or off... (we turned them off) and people were talking. Finally I decided that I had enough with the talking and told them to (politely) shut up. And they did. Woah.
Then at 4AM Nicole and I had to get up to do another half hour of adoration. We did slightly less and went back to sleep. Finally at 8 they woke us up. Got ready, ate breakfast. Played Simon says, heard one more person talk. Presented some stuff. Had more group discussions and then went to Church, where we all tried not to fall asleep.
Once I got home I took a nap. And then I used the computer (Oh sweet technology, how I missed it). And I'm happy. Tired, but happy.
At just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ
died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous
man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But
God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still
sinners, Christ died for us.
-- Romans 5:6-8
Thursday
So. Today I almost got run over. It's not as bad as it sounds, really. I was crossing fairly busy street. However, the cross walk signal SAID I could. So I did. I'm at the median, getting ready to cross the next two lanes. I'm about to take my step and a car goes right in front of me. And I mean right in front of me. I could have reached out and touched the car. With my very fast comprehension, I'm starting at the lady in the car with my arms out, giving her the "What the hell?" look. I didn't even see her face, though. I finish crossing the street and think.... "God. People are idiots." It made me mad more than scared me.
I had my parent/teacher/student advisory this morning. Oh yes, up at the glorious 7AM. That was fun. However, the conference wasn't that bad. It was a quick little ten minute meeting. It was like, "You have all your credits, good. Your grades are good, keep going. Any ideas about college? Not getting bullied? Awesome, we're done" XD. Literally. It was awesome. Imma have to visit him from time to time...
Also, today I was actually productive. I did homework... I finished English and almost all of History. Now it's math and study for a math test... *gulp*
On another note... only 3 more confirmation classes and a retreat.... then I don't have to spend anymore time in that darn room again!
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
-- Galatians 2:20
I had my parent/teacher/student advisory this morning. Oh yes, up at the glorious 7AM. That was fun. However, the conference wasn't that bad. It was a quick little ten minute meeting. It was like, "You have all your credits, good. Your grades are good, keep going. Any ideas about college? Not getting bullied? Awesome, we're done" XD. Literally. It was awesome. Imma have to visit him from time to time...
Also, today I was actually productive. I did homework... I finished English and almost all of History. Now it's math and study for a math test... *gulp*
On another note... only 3 more confirmation classes and a retreat.... then I don't have to spend anymore time in that darn room again!
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in
the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
-- Galatians 2:20
Wednesday
I have this irrational fear that people say one thing to my face, and then another behind my back. Sure, everyone fears that but for some reason I've been fearing it more so lately. I don't have a reason too, either. It's just that nagging feeling... meh. People can say what they want.
But I have the week off (ok, most of the week). It's been pretty good. I've... slacked off, did no homework like I said I would, cleaned (GASP!), watched a movie with my friends and started to watch season 1 of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Goodness.... the show was so dorky. But I love it anyway <3.
Anyhow, I'm reeeaaalllyyyy sore today. I have no idea what I did the other day that made me so sore. Coughing and sneezing hurt. D:. At least I'm not doing either of those much.
I finally decided to get some work done. I have my English paper in front of me. I have no idea what changes I'm making. But ya know... it's doing something productive. I imagine I'm going to be doing a lot of work tomorrow. I have math homework, history homework and a Latin packet for English. Yuck. Now I know why procrastinating is bad.
I realized that I am such a dork. I watched Ninja Warrior this morning (at the very pleasant 8 AM) and realized that I can't wait for the new tournament on Saturday :D.
Hmmmm.... what else, what else....
I've felt unexplainable guilt and happiness in the past few days. The guilt part is because I turned a friend in for smoking on campus. The happiness because I've been trusted by another friend. Also because I managed to have a good conversation with another person just days before Easter.
And that person has no idea how special they are to me. <3. And whenever I tell them.... they don't believe me. I'll keep trying until they understand.
All the plans for getting me a car have fallen through :(. Patience. Patience.
Parent/Teacher/Student conference for me tomorrow. I get to be up at the glorious hour of 7AM to tell my sister the stuff she already knows. yayyyyyyy.
That is all....
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our
faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning
its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-- Hebrews 12:2
But I have the week off (ok, most of the week). It's been pretty good. I've... slacked off, did no homework like I said I would, cleaned (GASP!), watched a movie with my friends and started to watch season 1 of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Goodness.... the show was so dorky. But I love it anyway <3.
Anyhow, I'm reeeaaalllyyyy sore today. I have no idea what I did the other day that made me so sore. Coughing and sneezing hurt. D:. At least I'm not doing either of those much.
I finally decided to get some work done. I have my English paper in front of me. I have no idea what changes I'm making. But ya know... it's doing something productive. I imagine I'm going to be doing a lot of work tomorrow. I have math homework, history homework and a Latin packet for English. Yuck. Now I know why procrastinating is bad.
I realized that I am such a dork. I watched Ninja Warrior this morning (at the very pleasant 8 AM) and realized that I can't wait for the new tournament on Saturday :D.
Hmmmm.... what else, what else....
I've felt unexplainable guilt and happiness in the past few days. The guilt part is because I turned a friend in for smoking on campus. The happiness because I've been trusted by another friend. Also because I managed to have a good conversation with another person just days before Easter.
And that person has no idea how special they are to me. <3. And whenever I tell them.... they don't believe me. I'll keep trying until they understand.
All the plans for getting me a car have fallen through :(. Patience. Patience.
Parent/Teacher/Student conference for me tomorrow. I get to be up at the glorious hour of 7AM to tell my sister the stuff she already knows. yayyyyyyy.
That is all....
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our
faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning
its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-- Hebrews 12:2
Saturday
Happy Spring.
Too bad there's snow on the ground.
Yes. Snow. Not a little sprinkling, but like a massive dump. It's like mother nature decided to be mean and give more snow in the past like, two weeks than we've gotten since like... November. Eh. Just as long as it warms up I'm good.
So, anyway, last night I went to a sleepover. Mmm. Fun times. We were planning to watch a movie... didn't happen. We stayed up until like, two in the morning talking to each other. It was pretty amazing.
It was all a 'you had to be there' kinda night. I could explain so many things (like I'm apparently a Nazi because my friend but the swastika on my hand wrong). And singing in some Asian song to random people. It really was an amusing night. I had a good time and it was a good way to end my break :)
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such
things there is no law.
-- Galatians 5:22-23
Too bad there's snow on the ground.
Yes. Snow. Not a little sprinkling, but like a massive dump. It's like mother nature decided to be mean and give more snow in the past like, two weeks than we've gotten since like... November. Eh. Just as long as it warms up I'm good.
So, anyway, last night I went to a sleepover. Mmm. Fun times. We were planning to watch a movie... didn't happen. We stayed up until like, two in the morning talking to each other. It was pretty amazing.
It was all a 'you had to be there' kinda night. I could explain so many things (like I'm apparently a Nazi because my friend but the swastika on my hand wrong). And singing in some Asian song to random people. It really was an amusing night. I had a good time and it was a good way to end my break :)
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such
things there is no law.
-- Galatians 5:22-23
Thursday
So. First and foremost I suppose I should start with tonight. I went to go see John Michael Talbut at my parent's church. I was required to go see him when he was visiting my parish for Confirmation class, but I wasn't able to. So, I read that he's coming and I'm a little curious. I just want to see what he's about and such. And that's what I did tonight. I went and I saw him.
My. It was beautiful. It made me wish I went and saw him yesterday, too. And it almost makes me want to see him again tomorrow (but I have other plans). Basically what it was... was breaking down the prayer- "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, forgive me, a sinner." What powerful, but simple words. Each with a meaning we sometimes forget. The basis of our faith. We believe (or more importantly- each and every one of us chose to believe) that the Lord God, Jesus Christ is our salvation. He shows the way, and is the way.
I could go on for a long long long time about it. But, I'll have to reiterate his analogy about wheat. Us, as the wheat. In order to become bread- to be able to nourish others, we have to be reformed. We have to be taken, and ground down. God is the one who takes us, our lives and grinds it down. It can be hard, giving up what we know and what we are. However, when we choose to let him take control... good things come in the end. Then, with the flour. You add water. This can go two ways. It can be the overflow of the Holy Spirit. Your life made anew. Or the simple fact that you are drowning in life. The gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit make all the extras. Finally, comes time for the yeast. First you building upon you, your old self, what you know. But, you get deflated. Then you rise again... and this time you build yourself on the word of God. And this is good. Now is the hard part. Placed in the oven. The judgment of God. You can fight all you want, it's going to happen anyway. This is the time when you answer to all that you've done. And, in the end. You are turned into bread. Nourishment. You can feed others and help them grow.
That IS life in God. You can make it as easy or as difficult as you wish.
Lastly, this is what I was thinking on my way home. When you think of monks, priests, nuns, and others who have chosen to live a holy life... you don't think of anyone you can relate to. I know I wasn't expecting to laugh or even... understand some of his references. But I did. That's the magical thing about it. He wasn't always called into the holy life. It's amazing how life can take you on it's path. He is an amazing guy. His music is wonderful and just what he's talking about....
I had a wonderful evening. I'm glad I went.
Now, for the past few days I've been on spring break. Which means I basically don't do anything productive, stay up late and sleep in. Well, besides the fact that I've actually been working on my research paper... it's been a true spring break. Tomorrow I get to see a friend that I haven't seen since January, and well... just have a good time.
I also found some patterns of things I'd like to sew today. Simple stuff but it's stuff that I'd like to try. Maybe one day I will.
Anyhow, I figure this is getting long enough with my rambling. But I have to say this:
I love you
:)
I truly mean it. I love you and I hope God blesses your life thoroughly. My prayers go out with you all tonight, as I figure out my angst with a friend. It's all gossip really. Lets just say she needs some love that I'm not sure I can give. I ask for prayers for both of us.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust
in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy
Spirit.
-- Romans 15:13
My. It was beautiful. It made me wish I went and saw him yesterday, too. And it almost makes me want to see him again tomorrow (but I have other plans). Basically what it was... was breaking down the prayer- "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, forgive me, a sinner." What powerful, but simple words. Each with a meaning we sometimes forget. The basis of our faith. We believe (or more importantly- each and every one of us chose to believe) that the Lord God, Jesus Christ is our salvation. He shows the way, and is the way.
I could go on for a long long long time about it. But, I'll have to reiterate his analogy about wheat. Us, as the wheat. In order to become bread- to be able to nourish others, we have to be reformed. We have to be taken, and ground down. God is the one who takes us, our lives and grinds it down. It can be hard, giving up what we know and what we are. However, when we choose to let him take control... good things come in the end. Then, with the flour. You add water. This can go two ways. It can be the overflow of the Holy Spirit. Your life made anew. Or the simple fact that you are drowning in life. The gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit make all the extras. Finally, comes time for the yeast. First you building upon you, your old self, what you know. But, you get deflated. Then you rise again... and this time you build yourself on the word of God. And this is good. Now is the hard part. Placed in the oven. The judgment of God. You can fight all you want, it's going to happen anyway. This is the time when you answer to all that you've done. And, in the end. You are turned into bread. Nourishment. You can feed others and help them grow.
That IS life in God. You can make it as easy or as difficult as you wish.
Lastly, this is what I was thinking on my way home. When you think of monks, priests, nuns, and others who have chosen to live a holy life... you don't think of anyone you can relate to. I know I wasn't expecting to laugh or even... understand some of his references. But I did. That's the magical thing about it. He wasn't always called into the holy life. It's amazing how life can take you on it's path. He is an amazing guy. His music is wonderful and just what he's talking about....
I had a wonderful evening. I'm glad I went.
Now, for the past few days I've been on spring break. Which means I basically don't do anything productive, stay up late and sleep in. Well, besides the fact that I've actually been working on my research paper... it's been a true spring break. Tomorrow I get to see a friend that I haven't seen since January, and well... just have a good time.
I also found some patterns of things I'd like to sew today. Simple stuff but it's stuff that I'd like to try. Maybe one day I will.
Anyhow, I figure this is getting long enough with my rambling. But I have to say this:
I love you
:)
I truly mean it. I love you and I hope God blesses your life thoroughly. My prayers go out with you all tonight, as I figure out my angst with a friend. It's all gossip really. Lets just say she needs some love that I'm not sure I can give. I ask for prayers for both of us.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust
in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy
Spirit.
-- Romans 15:13
I have two cats and I love nascar
"Is he married?"
"What are you saying?"
"He must be pretty lonely if he has two cats."
"And you're married?"
"Yes"
"If I was the guy I would've been like 'Damn'"
XD. Watching "Wheel of Fortune".
I love watching these things.
Anyway... what a week so far.
Monday... I was up at 2:30 (yes, AM) and I couldn't fall asleep. So I had to deal with some very annoying freshmen. But it was awesome because I missed the whole day of school, ate fast food and sang. My choir went to a choir contest. We... did amazing! Straight 1's!!!!
Tuesday... fairly good. Kinda pissed because my sister yelled at me twice before school even started. But it toggled between a good and bad day. It was good because science lifted up my spirits. I got a cupcake and managed to have tons of time left over after my assignment to have fun. But it was math (where I learned I had a test), and spanish (It's an OK class...).
Wednesday... I had a fairly good day. Got the news on how we did at our choir contest. We sounded fairly good. We could have done better, but when it comes down to it, we did alright. I got caught up in photo... but I'm still confused about my new assignment. Oh well. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow... Finished my sewing class and made a nice bag. I can't wait to show it off :). It's not amazing, but I'm fairly proud of it.
Today... besides the fact of all the snow. It was nice. Chilly but not overbearingly so. My math test was kinda hard but I think I did alright. Aced a science test I was totally unprepared for... and just had an awesome time watching a movie in Spanish... There was this one line in the movie.. I cannot remember what it was but a kid in the class said "He wants to come." XD. Yeah... It was just really funny.
I baked brownies :). I'm happy. They're sweet but good. So I hope all my friends like 'em.
Spring break should be awesome. I hopefully only have to type out my research paper....
And that should be all.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in
all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
-- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Is he married?"
"What are you saying?"
"He must be pretty lonely if he has two cats."
"And you're married?"
"Yes"
"If I was the guy I would've been like 'Damn'"
XD. Watching "Wheel of Fortune".
I love watching these things.
Anyway... what a week so far.
Monday... I was up at 2:30 (yes, AM) and I couldn't fall asleep. So I had to deal with some very annoying freshmen. But it was awesome because I missed the whole day of school, ate fast food and sang. My choir went to a choir contest. We... did amazing! Straight 1's!!!!
Tuesday... fairly good. Kinda pissed because my sister yelled at me twice before school even started. But it toggled between a good and bad day. It was good because science lifted up my spirits. I got a cupcake and managed to have tons of time left over after my assignment to have fun. But it was math (where I learned I had a test), and spanish (It's an OK class...).
Wednesday... I had a fairly good day. Got the news on how we did at our choir contest. We sounded fairly good. We could have done better, but when it comes down to it, we did alright. I got caught up in photo... but I'm still confused about my new assignment. Oh well. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow... Finished my sewing class and made a nice bag. I can't wait to show it off :). It's not amazing, but I'm fairly proud of it.
Today... besides the fact of all the snow. It was nice. Chilly but not overbearingly so. My math test was kinda hard but I think I did alright. Aced a science test I was totally unprepared for... and just had an awesome time watching a movie in Spanish... There was this one line in the movie.. I cannot remember what it was but a kid in the class said "He wants to come." XD. Yeah... It was just really funny.
I baked brownies :). I'm happy. They're sweet but good. So I hope all my friends like 'em.
Spring break should be awesome. I hopefully only have to type out my research paper....
And that should be all.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the
Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in
all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
-- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)