I've never liked the first day of school. Because, once I get home, it always sinks in how hard this year is going to be. It's what I've thought every year since starting middle school (though middle school is so easy I scoff at it now). Yet this year... I am truly scared. I don't know if I can do it without a ton of irrational break outs. I can already feel it boiling up inside me right now.

I mean, if I look on the bright side, I have amazing teachers this year. My first period teacher is a little quirky, but she really likes teaching, I can tell. She tries to stay in line (she has a slew of mental issues), and I have a feeling I could get to like her a lot. My second period teacher, is loud and eccentric and likes to go on tangents. My third period teacher... she seems nice and everything, but I'm SO scared of the subject. I just don't think I can do Spanish 2. I'm just... I dunno. My fourth period teacher is so funny. I really like him. He is fit to teach AP Psych. I will grow to like this class a lot. Then for fifth period... I think I can end up liking that class too. Even though it's pre-calc and I hate math in general. But she's a nice teacher and I can see myself not be afraid to ask questions in that class. For sixth I have a new teacher. He is very ADD like and... he annoys me a little bit but I think I can grow to like the class, if not him. Lastly, seventh period. I dunno... I COULD like this teacher, but I'm just feeling awkward in the class. I don't really do well when it seems like all the kids know each other. I haven't been a social person, but all the other classes (save for Spanish) I've felt comfortable, at least a little bit. I'm hoping I can just shut out the students and focus on the fact that it's my favorite subject- science.

Otherwise, I'm really really really scared at the fact that my classes are going to be hard. The teachers start expecting so much and I feel like if I even slip a little bit, I'm going to fall so far behind. I know it's an unrealistic thing to worry about, but I just can't help it. I have to be so on top of everything, and I'm going to be focusing so much on homework this year. This year the load is enough where I can't just do it all in one go when I get home from school.

But I'm really happy about one thing. On this block schedule, my 2 and 4 period classes are right next to each other... literally. I have to go out one door, walk about five feet and go into the next one. So, I think I'm going to be visiting my old history teacher for a little while... which I think I'll look forward to when we turn to the block schedule. I'm also thinking of being his student aide next year because it could be fun. I mean, when I look back on what we did, nothing was that hard to grade. I even helped him grade tests one time. I'm pretty efficient at it.

Geez, school, school school. That's all that's really been on my mind for awhile. I keep going back and forth about being excited and truly scared. I guess I'll fall into the rhythm of things as time goes on. But for now, I am truly scared and reluctant to go back... no matter how many friends I get to see.

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-- Romans 8:28