I think people sometimes forget the simplest things. I'm not talking about like... how to tie a shoe or something- but things that help keep our self-esteem... things that bring us closer to self-actualization. Things that make us complete.
Sorry, my brain has been on psych overload the past few days.
I would go on a rant, but I'm not really feeling in the mood.
It's been forever since I've last posted.... and there's been a bit going on this past month. Spring break, failed SAT attempt, sleep deprivation, sleepover, a depression scare and a fall.
In no particular order;
My spring break started with my waking up on a Saturday at like 6AM so I could go and take the SAT. I never ended up finding the school. I was not in a good mood, to say the least.
My spring break consisted of sewing, sleeping (sort of), baking, eating (LOTS) and burning stuff. It was ai'ight. Until I fell on Saturday.
I slipped in a puddle in my shower, bruised my hip, ribs and arm. I only have my hip bruise left.
I had a startling realization that I may have fallen into clinical depression. I soon brought myself out of that and am fairly OK now... but I wouldn't say I'm out of the woods yet.
Theeeennn.... my friend celebrated her birthday, and so there was the sleepover. It was pretty good, went how most sleepovers go. No one actually sleeps.
Then sleep deprivation has been going on basically all month. I get enough sleep that it's not like I feel tempted to fall asleep in my classes, but it's enough that I have to drudge through my day. It might be time to see a doctor. But, it won't ever happen.
Lesseee....
Today I made a decision I regret, and I guess we'll find out if it was truly a bad decision tomorrow.
In other news....
I'm not too sure. Pain has been on and off, more "on" than "off" but... eh. It's life and I'm not surprised.
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it
you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that
the Lord is good.
-- 1 Peter 2:2-3
Monday
Wednesday
Today...
Today I decided I am pretty. I don't know why it was today of all days... but I just feel it.
I have made a firm resolution to not refer to myself in a negative way.
I honestly don't know what it is that happened. Something just... clicked I guess. I'm just hoping I can carry this on past today... past tomorrow... past this week. If I can feel this way for awhile longer, maybe I'll be OK.
In other news...
I FINALLY SLEPT LAST NIGHT. I crashed shortly after 10, and got up around 5. Not the amount of sleep I normally get, but it got me back into a good mood. I was slap-happy and I guess that made everyone's life better. I laughed until I almost cried... and well, just felt normal again.
The weather has been gorgeous and I'm loving it so much.
I'm NOT looking forward to springing forward an hour, or having to eat fish :/ (lol, not in any way related).
Life is life... and life is good right now.
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the
earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than
your thoughts."
-- Isaiah 55:8-9
Today I decided I am pretty. I don't know why it was today of all days... but I just feel it.
I have made a firm resolution to not refer to myself in a negative way.
I honestly don't know what it is that happened. Something just... clicked I guess. I'm just hoping I can carry this on past today... past tomorrow... past this week. If I can feel this way for awhile longer, maybe I'll be OK.
In other news...
I FINALLY SLEPT LAST NIGHT. I crashed shortly after 10, and got up around 5. Not the amount of sleep I normally get, but it got me back into a good mood. I was slap-happy and I guess that made everyone's life better. I laughed until I almost cried... and well, just felt normal again.
The weather has been gorgeous and I'm loving it so much.
I'm NOT looking forward to springing forward an hour, or having to eat fish :/ (lol, not in any way related).
Life is life... and life is good right now.
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the
earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than
your thoughts."
-- Isaiah 55:8-9
Tuesday
So, today would have been awful under normal circumstances. Apparently, today was an abnormal day.
I woke up sometime between 3 and 3:30 this morning, and couldn't fall back asleep. The first hour was OK because it went by fast. After that it just dragged on. I almost got out of bed, made breakfast and curled my hair. I just couldn't push myself out of bed, however. I almost fell back asleep, and then my alarm went off.
I haven't slept for more than a handful of hours (and if I have, it's been awful sleep) for the past week. This morning was just awful and I was so happy my sister wasn't up to try and talk to me.
Last night really gave me some things to think about...
See, when I don't sleep, I get REALLY depressed. So last night was me thinking about how awful life has been and just me being generally depressed. I almost cried, I'll admit...
Then I got to school today. I kinda shuffle in, trying to hold my head up high. Mumbled a hello... and my friend immediately knew something was up. In fact, he was like "Do you want a hug" "... Yes". It made me feel a little bit better. I laid down, closed my eyes and just relaxed for part of the morning. But it was some banter between me and my friends that made me realize how much I really am loved. (Which I had doubts about last night).
My second I was still pretty "meh" and my friend knew after like 30 seconds after saying "Hi". "Do you need a hug?" "...Yes" haha. She assumed that it was because my sister and I fought (badly) recently... but I put that to rest quickly.
I made it through my fourth feeling pretty good. I finished 5th, was talking to a friend and felt like I was at rock bottom. We parted our ways for lunch and when I got to my group for lunch I was just feeling so bad. I was nearly ready to cry.
"Are you ok? What's wrong?" *hugs*
"I'm about ready to cry"
"Why, what happened?"
"It's just... when I don't sleep I get depressed"
"Awww, I'm sorry."
"It's OK."
But honestly, it made me feel so good knowing that someone just had to look at my face and know that something was wrong. I couldn't help but feel at least a little better after that. (Sure it helped that he was hugging me practically the entire time).
But yeah, that was my day. I managed not to be angry/snap at anybody...
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will
take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will
rejoice over you with singing.
-- Zephaniah 3:17
I woke up sometime between 3 and 3:30 this morning, and couldn't fall back asleep. The first hour was OK because it went by fast. After that it just dragged on. I almost got out of bed, made breakfast and curled my hair. I just couldn't push myself out of bed, however. I almost fell back asleep, and then my alarm went off.
I haven't slept for more than a handful of hours (and if I have, it's been awful sleep) for the past week. This morning was just awful and I was so happy my sister wasn't up to try and talk to me.
Last night really gave me some things to think about...
See, when I don't sleep, I get REALLY depressed. So last night was me thinking about how awful life has been and just me being generally depressed. I almost cried, I'll admit...
Then I got to school today. I kinda shuffle in, trying to hold my head up high. Mumbled a hello... and my friend immediately knew something was up. In fact, he was like "Do you want a hug" "... Yes". It made me feel a little bit better. I laid down, closed my eyes and just relaxed for part of the morning. But it was some banter between me and my friends that made me realize how much I really am loved. (Which I had doubts about last night).
My second I was still pretty "meh" and my friend knew after like 30 seconds after saying "Hi". "Do you need a hug?" "...Yes" haha. She assumed that it was because my sister and I fought (badly) recently... but I put that to rest quickly.
I made it through my fourth feeling pretty good. I finished 5th, was talking to a friend and felt like I was at rock bottom. We parted our ways for lunch and when I got to my group for lunch I was just feeling so bad. I was nearly ready to cry.
"Are you ok? What's wrong?" *hugs*
"I'm about ready to cry"
"Why, what happened?"
"It's just... when I don't sleep I get depressed"
"Awww, I'm sorry."
"It's OK."
But honestly, it made me feel so good knowing that someone just had to look at my face and know that something was wrong. I couldn't help but feel at least a little better after that. (Sure it helped that he was hugging me practically the entire time).
But yeah, that was my day. I managed not to be angry/snap at anybody...
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will
take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will
rejoice over you with singing.
-- Zephaniah 3:17
Sunday
♥
So, basically... SUPER stressed out lately. I look back on it... and don't regret it. I could have made some better choices, but I didn't, and I don't really care.
On Wednesday, I went to go see the play that my school had put on. I was friends with two people, and really did feel the need to go see it opening night. I just like going opening night. Even though I SHOULD have gone on Friday... but ya know. Wednesday night also cues the 5 nights of no sleep! I didn't actually fall asleep until 10:30-11 or so on that night. (Heck- I didn't even get home until 9:30, then into bed at like 10...).
Thursday was me catching up on all my stuff, plus taking my friend home and what not. It was fairly awful because I had knee and hip pain for the latter half of my day. I was busy catching up, and I started freaking out with everything that I had to do. I actually shed a tear or two... but then I focused in again. I almost fell asleep in my 6th period, too.
Friday was... weird. My Spanish class had a field trip (which I did not go on), and I wore a dress (I had no pants :(). I watched Criminal Minds and half of "The Bucket list" before I finally went to bed because I could feel my eyes closing against my will. So I got up, went to bed... and then couldn't fall asleep.
Then yesterday was fairly nice. I didn't sleep as long as I wanted, and I finally got myself out of bed at 10 so I could eat (lol, that is my motivating factor on the weekends). I worked pretty diligently most of the morning, and actually got myself dressed at a reasonable time. Only because somebody was coming over.
Basically, David and I watched movies for like 6 hours. It was the whole pixar movie weekend on abc family- even though it lied (it showed Ice Age, which isn't pixar). But.... it was nice regardless. I first asked jokingly... and when he said yes, I was pleasantly surprised. It was originally just going to be A Bug's Life (which neither of us have seen in years)... but it turned into watching the shorts that were one before hand, and then Ice Age after. I swear I almost fell asleep on him.
I told him last night to go to bed early, and I feel hypocritical. I've been losing about the same amount of sleep and didn't actually turn off my light until nearly 11. I woke up twice during the night (that I can remember)- once at 3, and the other at 5:22. I got out of bed at 8, and did laundry. And homework.
Now it's almost 5:30, and I haven't accomplished all that I set out to do... but that's OK with me. Everything that's due tomorrow is done.
Lent is coming up. I still debating what I'm going to do on Wednesday... :\. I can wake up obnoxiously early and be late to class (at least, I might be late), or I can forfeit my entire afternoon. Hmmm... well, I still have like two more days to decide.
In your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to
give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the
hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.
-- 1 Peter 3:15
So, basically... SUPER stressed out lately. I look back on it... and don't regret it. I could have made some better choices, but I didn't, and I don't really care.
On Wednesday, I went to go see the play that my school had put on. I was friends with two people, and really did feel the need to go see it opening night. I just like going opening night. Even though I SHOULD have gone on Friday... but ya know. Wednesday night also cues the 5 nights of no sleep! I didn't actually fall asleep until 10:30-11 or so on that night. (Heck- I didn't even get home until 9:30, then into bed at like 10...).
Thursday was me catching up on all my stuff, plus taking my friend home and what not. It was fairly awful because I had knee and hip pain for the latter half of my day. I was busy catching up, and I started freaking out with everything that I had to do. I actually shed a tear or two... but then I focused in again. I almost fell asleep in my 6th period, too.
Friday was... weird. My Spanish class had a field trip (which I did not go on), and I wore a dress (I had no pants :(). I watched Criminal Minds and half of "The Bucket list" before I finally went to bed because I could feel my eyes closing against my will. So I got up, went to bed... and then couldn't fall asleep.
Then yesterday was fairly nice. I didn't sleep as long as I wanted, and I finally got myself out of bed at 10 so I could eat (lol, that is my motivating factor on the weekends). I worked pretty diligently most of the morning, and actually got myself dressed at a reasonable time. Only because somebody was coming over.
Basically, David and I watched movies for like 6 hours. It was the whole pixar movie weekend on abc family- even though it lied (it showed Ice Age, which isn't pixar). But.... it was nice regardless. I first asked jokingly... and when he said yes, I was pleasantly surprised. It was originally just going to be A Bug's Life (which neither of us have seen in years)... but it turned into watching the shorts that were one before hand, and then Ice Age after. I swear I almost fell asleep on him.
I told him last night to go to bed early, and I feel hypocritical. I've been losing about the same amount of sleep and didn't actually turn off my light until nearly 11. I woke up twice during the night (that I can remember)- once at 3, and the other at 5:22. I got out of bed at 8, and did laundry. And homework.
Now it's almost 5:30, and I haven't accomplished all that I set out to do... but that's OK with me. Everything that's due tomorrow is done.
Lent is coming up. I still debating what I'm going to do on Wednesday... :\. I can wake up obnoxiously early and be late to class (at least, I might be late), or I can forfeit my entire afternoon. Hmmm... well, I still have like two more days to decide.
In your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to
give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the
hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.
-- 1 Peter 3:15
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