Merry Christmas Eve! I know I won't be posting tomorrow, I know I shouldn't even touch my computer tomorrow, but I know I will. So I'm just going to post a bit about things that have been going on.

I finished my first semester of college. I passed all of my classes. One of them I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I still passed. I ordered all my books for next semester and I can't wait until I start classes. It's going to be a bit of a crazy year, but I think I can do it. It's going to take some serious dedication in order to keep my GPA high enough to keep my scholarships. Well, at least the scholarship that's keeping college affordable. I'm not sure how we'd be able to get along without. I know we would, but it's still an intensely scary thought. So I try not to think about it.

But my boyfriend finally applied to transfer. Here's hoping that he gets accepted. We've planned for him to get accepted so it would be absolutely heartbreaking if he didn't. I also got him some books for next semester.

Things just feel odd. I'm about ready to go back to school, but I'm not. I'm dreading going back. I mean, sure, I like these people... but I'm not ready to go back to the off-putting loneliness.

The holidays see to fill me with a sense of unhappiness. It's like year after year we do less and less in my family. The Christmas meals are ate in silence. I feel like without a tree and the knowledge of a gift exchange... the spirit isn't there. I know it's so materialistic to base the Christmas spirit on lights, an ornamented tree, shiny wrapped gift and other material things... but it starts to mean something. Without any of these things I just feel like this Christmas Eve is just another day. Christmas is going to be just another day.

Do you lose the spirit of Christmas as you grow up? Or does my family just not try any more? Would it be any different if I had insisted on getting a tree or putting up lights? Maybe. It's too late to find out.

So I don't know. Merry Christmas to all.

 Be joyful always.
    -- 1 Thessalonians 5:16

You know what I find odd? Hugs. I love giving out hugs, but apparently not all hugs are created equal. Among my friends, my hugs are known as "Lizzie hugs". My hugs are apparently that special and loved that they're set apart from every other one. It's funny because I'm so much shorter than everyone else, that even if I'm comforting someone by wrapping my arms around them, they're so much bigger than I am that it looks like they're trying to comfort me. But I'm the perfect hugging size.

I always wonder why people love hugs and why others don't. I wonder why they can be so comforting. I wonder why some people give  better hugs than others.

So many things that I shouldn't be thinking about while I attempt to study for finals.

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.
    -- John 3:20-21

Oh goodness this weekend. I convinced my boyfriend to come down this weekend, and his parents were okay with it so he came. So he came on Friday evening. It was spectacular because my roommate was gone that night. I took him to a local place for dinner, and we just generally had a night to ourselves.

Saturday was a day of activity. We went to the pool, out for breakfast, he taught me how to waltz, he met some new people. I was in a lot of pain for most of the day. It's been getting better, but I'm still insanely sore.

This morning we watched a movie with my roommate and her boyfriend. He had to leave around noon, but it was okay. It was nice being able to see him and hold him and cuddle him for a weekend. It was oddly peaceful but so full of stuff.

It was amazing to see him and finally have someone to hold me. It's been remarkably lonely. I mean, I still have another semester and I'm sure I'll do fine. I just hate the distance sometimes. I know its not that long, but it's still enough.

One of the funny things that happened this weekend is that he forgot pj's... so he had to wear mine. Granted, we're not that far apart in size (he is definitely skinnier than I am though), but it was hilarious to see him in my pants. But I bought him a spare so that if he ever comes down again, he has his own.

He also announced that he's off his meds. I'm quite happy to hear this, and I'm glad that he's getting along so well.

Honestly, it was just a beautiful weekend. the only thing I would have changed would have been the pain I was in. Had there been no pain, it would have been pretty much perfect.

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.
    -- Psalm 112:4