So, now that I have a level head, I'll tell you about my very vague and saddening post a few days ago.
It all started with "...... just kill me before I do it myself" on Saturday. How can I not notice that? I started talking with the person who posted that status. I'll admit, I was getting a little antsy, because it was way past time to leave to go out to dinner with my friends. However, I was having no luck getting down to the pure 'why' aspect. So I simply just left. I decided I was going to go out and have fun with my friends. I mean, I tried talking to them when I got back, but they never responded.
I didn't realize what I did until Sunday. I had left someone that a) what very clearly depressed and b) that I told I'd always be open to talk. Well, they were still alive with no help from me. The day went on and I began to feel more and more guilty. I went to bed that night... and I couldn't fall asleep.
It was probably after ten when I just began sobbing. I mean, not loudly because that's not who I am, but I was crying heavily for me. I don't stop for about a half hour, at least.
I mean, I still feel guilty, but it's not such a big deal now. I have a feeling he's at least a little bit better, too.
In other news...
Ow. I just aggravated something that was already hurting. I went out on a walk today, and just completely hurt my knee. I could stand it before, but now I'm just trying not to focus on it.
On Saturday, I borrowed a flute from my friend, and am now starting to practice it again. It makes me so happy that I can do it again. After only a few days of practice, I can get through some *very* simple melodies. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something to make me happy again.
Considering I went through a horrible depression mode just a few weeks ago, I need something to make me happy. I've picked up something I've been meaning to do, and maybe some things will follow suit.
Lately, I've also been on a little "side-quest" of loosing weight. As of.. yesterday I think, I've lost about 4 pounds. I'm ready to start getting back to how I was.
School has been going fairly well, with my six weeks grades being: 2 B's (and high B's, too) and 5 A's (some of them low A's, but that's OK).
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with
actions and in truth.
-- 1 John 3:18
Tuesday
Sunday
Friday
Today I was happy. This was the first day in weeks that I hadn't woken up and thought that this was just another day I had to trudge through. This morning I woke up and thought... "Let's go." I was ready to go. I just felt like there was nothing that could bring me down.
And you know what? That's true. All through the day I just felt nice and head strong. Then lunch made me laugh so hard I almost cried and my stomach started to hurt. I chuckled so much during chem and the day went by... kinda fast.
Then I spent like 5 hours at my friend's house and I just had a great time.
So, I think I can say that today was amazing. I have never felt better and I think a good deal of that has to do with the fact that I talked to someone. I wasn't alone in my problem. It wasn't only on my shoulders. Someone cared.
That alone made me smile. And the fact that I fell asleep talking to them... on top of the fact that I almost NEVER talk to them face to face. I just wonder if they know what they did... because they saved me from crying myself to sleep last night. I honestly don't care if that was a one night thing... I'm just happy.
They may never know the impact of just a few simple words... but it's the fact that they said it. It's like this quote I read somewhere.... people will forget what you said, and they won't remember what you did... but they'll always remember how they made you feel. That's how I apply my life...
But I'm just on a happy rant. I've been stressed with school so, I haven't been updating at all.... but I guess besides the depression, life has been going well.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
-- Psalm 46:1
And you know what? That's true. All through the day I just felt nice and head strong. Then lunch made me laugh so hard I almost cried and my stomach started to hurt. I chuckled so much during chem and the day went by... kinda fast.
Then I spent like 5 hours at my friend's house and I just had a great time.
So, I think I can say that today was amazing. I have never felt better and I think a good deal of that has to do with the fact that I talked to someone. I wasn't alone in my problem. It wasn't only on my shoulders. Someone cared.
That alone made me smile. And the fact that I fell asleep talking to them... on top of the fact that I almost NEVER talk to them face to face. I just wonder if they know what they did... because they saved me from crying myself to sleep last night. I honestly don't care if that was a one night thing... I'm just happy.
They may never know the impact of just a few simple words... but it's the fact that they said it. It's like this quote I read somewhere.... people will forget what you said, and they won't remember what you did... but they'll always remember how they made you feel. That's how I apply my life...
But I'm just on a happy rant. I've been stressed with school so, I haven't been updating at all.... but I guess besides the depression, life has been going well.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
-- Psalm 46:1
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