Sometimes I find saying "I love you" a bit hard and even awkward. It's not because I don't believe in love or that I don't love in general... but because I don't hate. I mean, there are people that I don't like and that I'd rather not be around, but that doesn't mean that I hate them.

But then I have to wonder how I know if I truly love someone? When I look at my circle of friends, I honestly feel like I would do anything for them. For some reason I feel less inclined when I think about my family. That might be because I've always been a bit distant from them and I don't feel like they've really been there. I don't really think they care sometimes. I know that's an awful mentality to have. It's how I truly and honestly feel though. I mean, I still love them, and I'm devoted to them... but I get frustrated with them more easily.

Then how do I distinguish the love between my friends? There's one friend that I've only recently got a little closer to and there are people that have been with me through three long years. Yet what I would do for both those groups is the same.

I guess I'm just a little confused and mad at my heart. Truly loving somebody means being there when they need me, and letting them go away when they need to be on their own. I'm just not sure I can do that sometimes. Yet when it's needed, it happens. Of course it hurts inside when it's someone I'm especially close to...

Now I'm just being vague.

School is alright. I'll get through it somehow.

But day....3 of a nagging sadness starting.

Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day
of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
-- Psalm 86:6-7

I am anxious.

There's a confrontation that I need to have, but I really don't want to have it. :|

I would elaborate but it's not something I should get worked up over.

Short post today. Nothing interesting in my life. Just starting college applications, and starting school on Tuesday. Yay.

We know him who said, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," and
again, "The Lord will judge his people." It is a dreadful thing to
fall into the hands of the living God.
-- Hebrews 10:30-31

It's my birthday.

Whoop. De. Doo.

I say this birthday is on par with my 9th birthday. The one right after I moved. My 9th birthday was my parents, my sister, a cake, and a gift.

This birthday was grocery shopping, crappy french toast, three loads of laundry, a book return and choir practice. No cake. No gifts.

Just a bazillion 'happy birthdays' from people I haven't talked to in years/months.

I am a little upset. But it's out of my control.

My sister seems to be more invested in it than I am. But whatever. I've given up.

I know I seem a bit bitter about today. I am.

We constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of
his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good
purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.
-- 2 Thessalonians 1:11

This is it... The end of summer, at least for me.

I'm all packed up (7 bags, completely stuffed. That's going to be fun to load/unload). I register for school tomorrow, and then I start school next Tuesday. I'm a little scared, but overall excited. Hopefully this coming year goes well.

I'm not really sure what happened this summer. The first half went by at a good pace, and then it kinda flew by... and then the past week or so just kinda dragged. I can't believe that it's Monday. It seems like forever ago that I was taking the ACT/SAT.

I can't believe that I'm turning 17 in two days.

It's scary to think that in exactly a year I'm going to be packed up for college. Now that's scary. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life...

However, it's just time to look at the positive. I'm going to be starting what should be the best year of high school. It should be fun, right? I mean, I'm not sure what's going to happen that makes this year different... but maybe something will surprise me.

Right now I'm just wasting time until I feel like leaving. I don't want to leave just yet. It's early and home isn't where I really want to be right now. I don't want to unpack... that makes everything so final. Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited to be going back. This next week is going to be filled with a lot of my friends. And also a hard break. I have to quit church choir :\. Well, I can't go to practice anymore. I have a class that takes that time slot. I mean, I could still sing on Sundays, that hasn't stopped others. They've also been doing it a lot longer than I have and they are good at music. I'll probably still end up singing on Sundays, but we'll see how long that lasts.

I'm not sure what else there is to write about. I've just been inside for the past while because there's nothing to do outside. It's so hot and it just makes me feel lethargic. Even right now all I want to do is just go back to bed.

Well, seeing as how I got distracted long enough to forget that I was writing this, I may as well just end it now.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge
of the Holy One is understanding.
-- Proverbs 9:10