I've have a string of conversations about an accident that has stayed longer that it should have. I burned myself last week making food, on a day that wasn't going so well. It was funny because the burn made a faint smiley face. The "eyes" went away before the day was over... but the "mouth" not so much... It's practically gone now, but it's still not GONE.
Anyway- my conversations. I had many about how it was weird that it was still there, how I /should/ treat it and how I hope it's not going to stay there forever.
Then Wednesday (I think) I'm talking to a friend about how I still have the burn on my wrist and she jokes that I'm lying and that it's a cut. I walk away to throw away my lunch, and when I'm back, I say to never joke about that with me. Just that simple sentence reminds her how close I've been, and even recently too. I don't think I'd ever cut myself on such a visible place like that, or even advertise the fact. It scares me to think that I'd ever get that far.
Then another one today- one of my friends fired a mock rude comment at another, and the "victim" pouts and says something. I don't quite hear it all, and I ask for it to be repeated. Then the one who had the comment said to them made like a cutting motion on their wrist. I gently say "Don't ever joke about that. Especially around me."
"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"It's OK." (I'm thinking two things- "I'm glad you don't" and "How could you ever").
So, I dunno... it's just been something I've been thinking about lately. I'm a bit scared, to be perfectly honest. It's like, all my friends can joke about this stuff- and it could be remotely funny. But it's not. One day, I'm afraid it's going to happen for real (and especially to me). Then it's not going to be a joke. Then they'll realize what words can do. I just hope I only have to say those words, and not have the actions to back them up. Not only for me, but for everyone else in the group. I don't know what's going on in their lives, if they're feeling the same way. Sometimes, it's best to take a stand when no one else will.
God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power,
of love, and of self-discipline.
-- 2 Timothy 1:7
Friday
Monday
Even though I feel like I've been stuck on one subject... it's what makes me day.
He basically did the cutest thing. He's taken to waiting by my first class so that we can talk with each other for a little while. We did that today. As we neared our normal parting spot, he pulled something out of his backpack and gave it to me. I have it in my hands, I look at it and am like "Do you want me to open it now?" and he's like "If you want."
So what do I do? Open it, of course. Two roses made out of chocolate kisses. I have the biggest smile on my face and I hug him. I walk to my next class with a huge grin. I keep that smile for the rest of the day.
It was funny in Spanish because I moved over and sat behind my friend... I started a sentence about why my day was going so well.... and then I stopped. They urged me to go on, and my friend was like "Awwwwwww." Then demanded to know who it was. So yeah... I was happy.
But anyway. Saturday, I took the ACT. It wasn't too bad. Not the hardest thing out there... but not super easy. Then I watched the newest Narnia movie with a friend, and spent the day with her. Yesterday... I had to wear a skirt because I had no clean pants :(. I looked cute, and felt pretty good so that's all that really matters.
My friends wrote on me, too. Made me feel the love.
All in all... good day. I'm happy, and that's what matters.
The Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his
covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him
and keep his commands.
-- Deuteronomy 7:9
He basically did the cutest thing. He's taken to waiting by my first class so that we can talk with each other for a little while. We did that today. As we neared our normal parting spot, he pulled something out of his backpack and gave it to me. I have it in my hands, I look at it and am like "Do you want me to open it now?" and he's like "If you want."
So what do I do? Open it, of course. Two roses made out of chocolate kisses. I have the biggest smile on my face and I hug him. I walk to my next class with a huge grin. I keep that smile for the rest of the day.
It was funny in Spanish because I moved over and sat behind my friend... I started a sentence about why my day was going so well.... and then I stopped. They urged me to go on, and my friend was like "Awwwwwww." Then demanded to know who it was. So yeah... I was happy.
But anyway. Saturday, I took the ACT. It wasn't too bad. Not the hardest thing out there... but not super easy. Then I watched the newest Narnia movie with a friend, and spent the day with her. Yesterday... I had to wear a skirt because I had no clean pants :(. I looked cute, and felt pretty good so that's all that really matters.
My friends wrote on me, too. Made me feel the love.
All in all... good day. I'm happy, and that's what matters.
The Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his
covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him
and keep his commands.
-- Deuteronomy 7:9
Wednesday
For some reason I've been thinking about my little stuffed koala a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's because it's a part of me that I finally "revealed" to my friends or what.... but it's not really a secret anyway.
It's a little build a bear that I've had since I was little. I think I can /almost/ remember picking it out and going through the process. I loved it. Then we moved, and it got packed away and I didn't see it for a few years. I brought it with me when I moved again. For the longest time after the move, it would just be the thing that I cuddled when I was crying. It would comfort me and I would feel better.
It soon extended into whenever I was feeling sad. Which... it seemed that it would take forever for me to be like "Ok, I don't need you, I'm happy". A lot of times it would end up on the floor of my bed, or something similar (that's usually when I put it back on my dresser).
Recently, I started just falling asleep with it. It's not a comfort thing (though it is the first thing I reach for when I'm sad), and it's just become normal. I don't bring it with me anywhere, but that's more of a 'no room' issue than anything else.
This memory I can't help but think about. This was a few months ago- shortly after my schedule was changed. I can't really remember what happened on this day. However, I know it was after an exchange between David and I (hmm... maybe THAT'S why). One of my table partners says something along the lines of "If he was an animal, he'd be a koala". At the time, I was like "uuuh...". But now, I think it's fitting.
I honestly think that 'koala' is more of a symbol for me. It's who I can trust. Who I can cuddle with. Who I can go to with my tears. I think I'm about ready for my koala to be a real person, not a childhood toy.
In other news... I've been slacking like crazy. And tomorrow is my half birthday. I get my full license in 16 days (On the 25th). My school's variety show is tomorrow, and I plan on going. Saturday is the ACT, and I'm ready. Some less than stellar things happened over the weekend (aka Sunday), but I'm over it now.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is
in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out
its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its
leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought.
-- Jeremiah 17:7-8
It's a little build a bear that I've had since I was little. I think I can /almost/ remember picking it out and going through the process. I loved it. Then we moved, and it got packed away and I didn't see it for a few years. I brought it with me when I moved again. For the longest time after the move, it would just be the thing that I cuddled when I was crying. It would comfort me and I would feel better.
It soon extended into whenever I was feeling sad. Which... it seemed that it would take forever for me to be like "Ok, I don't need you, I'm happy". A lot of times it would end up on the floor of my bed, or something similar (that's usually when I put it back on my dresser).
Recently, I started just falling asleep with it. It's not a comfort thing (though it is the first thing I reach for when I'm sad), and it's just become normal. I don't bring it with me anywhere, but that's more of a 'no room' issue than anything else.
This memory I can't help but think about. This was a few months ago- shortly after my schedule was changed. I can't really remember what happened on this day. However, I know it was after an exchange between David and I (hmm... maybe THAT'S why). One of my table partners says something along the lines of "If he was an animal, he'd be a koala". At the time, I was like "uuuh...". But now, I think it's fitting.
I honestly think that 'koala' is more of a symbol for me. It's who I can trust. Who I can cuddle with. Who I can go to with my tears. I think I'm about ready for my koala to be a real person, not a childhood toy.
In other news... I've been slacking like crazy. And tomorrow is my half birthday. I get my full license in 16 days (On the 25th). My school's variety show is tomorrow, and I plan on going. Saturday is the ACT, and I'm ready. Some less than stellar things happened over the weekend (aka Sunday), but I'm over it now.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is
in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out
its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its
leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought.
-- Jeremiah 17:7-8
Monday
I had the best, most cryptic conversation ever today in English.
I was sitting across from my friend, and I remembered I had some news that I had to tell her. I think we were already on the subject of boys, so I say... "I have something I need to tell you." and then "I think you can guess who it's about."
*inquiring look*
"Guess what I did about two weeks ago..."
"Did you ask... or..?"
"Just told."
*Grin*
"And I think you can guess his response..."
*Bigger Grin*
"But we're not...."
"Why not?"
"Well... I have to talk to Melody."
"Oh, yeah."
But it was so funny how I didn't have to say about half of the words and she still got it.
However, after four days off, and then the weekend... I'm glad to be back in school.
Saturday was awesome, I must say. I met my friends at the pizza place at around 11:30, and actually had most of the people there, too! We settled down, ate and had our lovely nerd conversations. Around 12:30 we headed to my house. Two of my friends directed drivers, and one of my friends followed. We watched the 2nd Lord of the Rings (mostly). In the middle of it, another guy (hey, we just tripled the amount of guys from last time - a whopping total of three). He somehow got lost... and so me, and the two other guys stood outside trying to find him. After I got in, I was freezing (I was outside in socks, and a short sleeved shirt. And it was cold outside). So I get my blanket and curl up next to my friend. She and I were lying on each other, had our arms across the other's shoulders and what not the entire time.
Then the DVD glitched so we ended up just talking (like we weren't before). I got ready in the midst of all the talking. I felt... pretty. By this point, it was about time to head over to dinner. So we did, and somehow, four of us manage to get there at the same time. And I stole a good parking spot. We get inside, and I'm thankful to be wearing tights. We wait as the last two people come in, and just have a lot of fun reading the fortunes out of the cookies and adding 'in bed' to the end... because we're highschoolers and that immature. Some of them were just awful...
Anyway. We get back to my house, and watch Kung Fu Panda. I decide to cuddle up with my koala and watch the movie. Once it ends... we just talk and joke until about 9:30 or 10. I, of course, didn't get to sleep until after 10:30. However, it was well worth spending the day with my friends. I enjoyed every moment.
Yesterday was not so fun because of having to clean up and all the stuff I had to do. But, I made it through and it was not so bad.
I'm happy to be back in school. I liked the days off, but it was certainly needed to get back into the swing of things. I'm ready for tomorrow because I need to talk to my friend. I also want to bridge the concept of dating to David as well... but I guess we'll see how life goes. :)
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you,
so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you
are my disciples, if you love one another.
-- John 13:34-35
I was sitting across from my friend, and I remembered I had some news that I had to tell her. I think we were already on the subject of boys, so I say... "I have something I need to tell you." and then "I think you can guess who it's about."
*inquiring look*
"Guess what I did about two weeks ago..."
"Did you ask... or..?"
"Just told."
*Grin*
"And I think you can guess his response..."
*Bigger Grin*
"But we're not...."
"Why not?"
"Well... I have to talk to Melody."
"Oh, yeah."
But it was so funny how I didn't have to say about half of the words and she still got it.
However, after four days off, and then the weekend... I'm glad to be back in school.
Saturday was awesome, I must say. I met my friends at the pizza place at around 11:30, and actually had most of the people there, too! We settled down, ate and had our lovely nerd conversations. Around 12:30 we headed to my house. Two of my friends directed drivers, and one of my friends followed. We watched the 2nd Lord of the Rings (mostly). In the middle of it, another guy (hey, we just tripled the amount of guys from last time - a whopping total of three). He somehow got lost... and so me, and the two other guys stood outside trying to find him. After I got in, I was freezing (I was outside in socks, and a short sleeved shirt. And it was cold outside). So I get my blanket and curl up next to my friend. She and I were lying on each other, had our arms across the other's shoulders and what not the entire time.
Then the DVD glitched so we ended up just talking (like we weren't before). I got ready in the midst of all the talking. I felt... pretty. By this point, it was about time to head over to dinner. So we did, and somehow, four of us manage to get there at the same time. And I stole a good parking spot. We get inside, and I'm thankful to be wearing tights. We wait as the last two people come in, and just have a lot of fun reading the fortunes out of the cookies and adding 'in bed' to the end... because we're highschoolers and that immature. Some of them were just awful...
Anyway. We get back to my house, and watch Kung Fu Panda. I decide to cuddle up with my koala and watch the movie. Once it ends... we just talk and joke until about 9:30 or 10. I, of course, didn't get to sleep until after 10:30. However, it was well worth spending the day with my friends. I enjoyed every moment.
Yesterday was not so fun because of having to clean up and all the stuff I had to do. But, I made it through and it was not so bad.
I'm happy to be back in school. I liked the days off, but it was certainly needed to get back into the swing of things. I'm ready for tomorrow because I need to talk to my friend. I also want to bridge the concept of dating to David as well... but I guess we'll see how life goes. :)
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you,
so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you
are my disciples, if you love one another.
-- John 13:34-35
Wednesday
I have been so bored on my two days off. And we have a two hour delay tomorrow, too. I mean, it's nice not going to school... but I need to see people! I'm going to rejoice and probably hug everyone at least ten times. I don't care how cold it is...
But I hope teachers take it easy, as well. I can feel my mind eroding from disuse so early in the semester.
I also don't want to make these days up at the end of the year.
However, these two days have done wonders for my back. It's either because it's just two more days for it to heal, or because I've actually been nice to it.
If I have another day off (PLEASE DEAR GOD NO) I hope that the roads are nice enough for me to go and see somebody. If not, I'll probably end up editing my NaNo novel (finally).
But alas- it is time for me to go to sleep and hopefully actually go to school tomorrow.
As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves
with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
-- Colossians 3:12
But I hope teachers take it easy, as well. I can feel my mind eroding from disuse so early in the semester.
I also don't want to make these days up at the end of the year.
However, these two days have done wonders for my back. It's either because it's just two more days for it to heal, or because I've actually been nice to it.
If I have another day off (PLEASE DEAR GOD NO) I hope that the roads are nice enough for me to go and see somebody. If not, I'll probably end up editing my NaNo novel (finally).
But alas- it is time for me to go to sleep and hopefully actually go to school tomorrow.
As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves
with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
-- Colossians 3:12
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