It's Friday!!! Goodness. I've had the worst possible week. Well, maybe not WORST, but it's been pretty awful. I haven't been feeling great at all and just been super stressed out. However, I managed to sleep a little last night so I'm doing pretty well.
I'm listening to Needtobreathe's new album and I'm in love <3. I've only listened to 9 songs and I've already found 3 that are amazing. Something about this band is just... I dunno. They're good. They've changed, but they're still the band I love. I'm not even sure how I got started liking them.
Anyway, I'm starting NaNo planning tomorrow! Eeeee... I love October for this reason.
I can't really have a long post today. I need to head to school in a little bit.
He who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is kind
to the needy.
-- Proverbs 14:21
Friday
Sunday
I've always protested that I never want kids. I know I'd be an awful mom. Despite it all, I'm probably the most maternal in my group of friends. It's quite sad really.
I mean, I'm the one who will sit and listen to problems, I will try my hand at advice, I tend to be protective of people, and in general I'm a supporter. Not to mention the fact that I can bake amazingly. :P
When you seriously look at group dynamics, I am the one that kinda floats around. I'm the comforter, I tend to give out hugs to console (and because I love hugs). I will protect; I've even put myself between two people in order to do so. A lot of this is just kinda "jokingly", but it still highlights the real personality.
I just find it weird that I act like this. The one behavior I find really odd is when someone leaves my house; if I'm not taking them home, I ask them to tell me when they do get home. I'm not sure why.... maybe it's because I'm so used to my parents asking me to do it that I just passed it on...
In other news; I am making a quilt. I spent like 3 hours yesterday just cutting the squares and laying them all out. I think it's going to look pretty awesome. I just need to start sewing them all together. 431 squares. 24 rows, 18 columns. (It's going to be roughly 72''X96''... a full-size mattress). I'm actually looking forward to sewing it all together. It'll keep me busy! It also gave me an inspiration for my NaNo. That I should start planning soon. I always tell myself that I start planning in October. One month. That's all I allow myself.
Some less than stellar events happened; mostly the fact that I'm now single. But, I think it is for the better.
I'm starting to feel good again. Friday I was the happiest I've been in a long time. I was incredibly tired, but over all I was happy. It's surprising that the thing that should be making me sad.... actually seem to be having the adverse effect. Sure, I'm still upset, but it's not as heart-breaking as I thought it would be. Yeah, I still love him, but part of loving him so much is to let him be happy too.
Anyway; I should have a college acceptance/rejection letter before October is over. So scared.
I'm still tired. As long as school is happening, I will be tired. But life still goes on.
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the
wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of
mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law
he meditates day and night.
-- Psalm 1:1-2
I mean, I'm the one who will sit and listen to problems, I will try my hand at advice, I tend to be protective of people, and in general I'm a supporter. Not to mention the fact that I can bake amazingly. :P
When you seriously look at group dynamics, I am the one that kinda floats around. I'm the comforter, I tend to give out hugs to console (and because I love hugs). I will protect; I've even put myself between two people in order to do so. A lot of this is just kinda "jokingly", but it still highlights the real personality.
I just find it weird that I act like this. The one behavior I find really odd is when someone leaves my house; if I'm not taking them home, I ask them to tell me when they do get home. I'm not sure why.... maybe it's because I'm so used to my parents asking me to do it that I just passed it on...
In other news; I am making a quilt. I spent like 3 hours yesterday just cutting the squares and laying them all out. I think it's going to look pretty awesome. I just need to start sewing them all together. 431 squares. 24 rows, 18 columns. (It's going to be roughly 72''X96''... a full-size mattress). I'm actually looking forward to sewing it all together. It'll keep me busy! It also gave me an inspiration for my NaNo. That I should start planning soon. I always tell myself that I start planning in October. One month. That's all I allow myself.
Some less than stellar events happened; mostly the fact that I'm now single. But, I think it is for the better.
I'm starting to feel good again. Friday I was the happiest I've been in a long time. I was incredibly tired, but over all I was happy. It's surprising that the thing that should be making me sad.... actually seem to be having the adverse effect. Sure, I'm still upset, but it's not as heart-breaking as I thought it would be. Yeah, I still love him, but part of loving him so much is to let him be happy too.
Anyway; I should have a college acceptance/rejection letter before October is over. So scared.
I'm still tired. As long as school is happening, I will be tired. But life still goes on.
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the
wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of
mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law
he meditates day and night.
-- Psalm 1:1-2
Monday
I'm starting to slip back into something I don't want. It's starting to become noticeable to my friends (or at least one of them), and I really don't want it to be true.
But I need to sleep! It's a whole "chicken and egg" debacle. What happened first? My lack of sleep or depression? I mean, they often go hand in hand. I don't sleep, I start eating less, I try to nap during the day, my focus goes elsewhere/I don't have any (so grades slip and I stop caring), and so on. My pain (physical and emotional) tend to contribute to this as well so I just become a big bag of "don't mess with me".
Anyway, I am in the top 15% of my class in terms of GPA. :D Hopefully that gets me some awesomesauce scholarships at out of state schools.
Uhmm... friend's birthday tomorrow... Still frustrated with my boy... I actually wrote a poem that I may/may not give him. (Err... technically 6 months coming up, but things have been so weird lately I'm not even sure it's that big of a deal anymore.)
A simple word
A magnificent smile
All I needed from you
Something started again
Better than before
Patched up and beating still
Lovelorn cliches
Picture perfect love
Became my life
I love you's
Whispering in my brain
Bouncing off the golden yellow walls
Smiles so wide
The feel of you
Stuck in memories
Endless summer nights
All in worry
Filled with wants
Ticking away
Starting all over
Marked days pass on
Tug after tug
It hurts still
But patched and beating still
Still confused
What to do..
I wait.
You are
Every chliche
Lovesick love song
Frustrating
Loveable
Amazing
Beyond me
You existbl
I can't let go, even if I tried
Self-concious worry
I hate to cling
Hate to impose
But there is something more
Three simple words.
I. Love. You.
Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is
not wise to ask such questions.
-- Ecclesiastes 7:10
But I need to sleep! It's a whole "chicken and egg" debacle. What happened first? My lack of sleep or depression? I mean, they often go hand in hand. I don't sleep, I start eating less, I try to nap during the day, my focus goes elsewhere/I don't have any (so grades slip and I stop caring), and so on. My pain (physical and emotional) tend to contribute to this as well so I just become a big bag of "don't mess with me".
Anyway, I am in the top 15% of my class in terms of GPA. :D Hopefully that gets me some awesomesauce scholarships at out of state schools.
Uhmm... friend's birthday tomorrow... Still frustrated with my boy... I actually wrote a poem that I may/may not give him. (Err... technically 6 months coming up, but things have been so weird lately I'm not even sure it's that big of a deal anymore.)
A simple word
A magnificent smile
All I needed from you
Something started again
Better than before
Patched up and beating still
Lovelorn cliches
Picture perfect love
Became my life
I love you's
Whispering in my brain
Bouncing off the golden yellow walls
Smiles so wide
The feel of you
Stuck in memories
Endless summer nights
All in worry
Filled with wants
Ticking away
Starting all over
Marked days pass on
Tug after tug
It hurts still
But patched and beating still
Still confused
What to do..
I wait.
You are
Every chliche
Lovesick love song
Frustrating
Loveable
Amazing
Beyond me
You existbl
I can't let go, even if I tried
Self-concious worry
I hate to cling
Hate to impose
But there is something more
Three simple words.
I. Love. You.
Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is
not wise to ask such questions.
-- Ecclesiastes 7:10
Friday
I really need to stop these early morning posts.
I'm tired. I need sleep. When I get like this I'm really upset for no reason, and I'm just kinda crabby.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Things are going OK! I know they are. School is no big deal, I'm doing what I can to get by. I'm trying to do well...
But I'm feeling a little lonely. I'm feeling removed from people, and I don't know how to change it. I'm feeling removed, but I don't want to be with people either.
Actually, there's only one person I want to be around. But how he's been treating me lately... I shouldn't want to be around him. He isn't worth it. But my heart says otherwise. This is seriously someone I love... if only I could spend some time with him... and only him.
I'm just kinda lovesick I guess.
I promise I'm not really depressed. I'm just kind out of it. I need something to make me happy again...
In the midst of all my "worries" one of my friends wants to try his old relationship over again. It's nice that he cares so much about her that he's willing to wait until she's ready again. But she may not be... I feel like I'm part of a sitcom with a ton of drama. I DO hope they can get back together because it was truly adorable. I need someone to be happy.
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will
soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they
will walk and will not be faint.
-- Isaiah 40:31
I'm tired. I need sleep. When I get like this I'm really upset for no reason, and I'm just kinda crabby.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Things are going OK! I know they are. School is no big deal, I'm doing what I can to get by. I'm trying to do well...
But I'm feeling a little lonely. I'm feeling removed from people, and I don't know how to change it. I'm feeling removed, but I don't want to be with people either.
Actually, there's only one person I want to be around. But how he's been treating me lately... I shouldn't want to be around him. He isn't worth it. But my heart says otherwise. This is seriously someone I love... if only I could spend some time with him... and only him.
I'm just kinda lovesick I guess.
I promise I'm not really depressed. I'm just kind out of it. I need something to make me happy again...
In the midst of all my "worries" one of my friends wants to try his old relationship over again. It's nice that he cares so much about her that he's willing to wait until she's ready again. But she may not be... I feel like I'm part of a sitcom with a ton of drama. I DO hope they can get back together because it was truly adorable. I need someone to be happy.
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will
soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they
will walk and will not be faint.
-- Isaiah 40:31
Sunday
Last night was Homecoming. It was actually pretty mellow. I wasn't feeling too great so I ended up resting for half the night. But regardless, I think it was nice. We all got to just relax for a little bit.
There was some serious discussion and I guess it kinda let people know that things aren't ok. My boyfriend went to the actual dance. He did not ask me to go with him. However, his rationale is sound. I don't like dances. I don't like the loud music and being crowded into a gym with people I don't like or don't know. He already knew that and didn't bother asking. Yet.... it still would have been nice if he did. Would I have said no? I have no idea. But in the end, I'm glad he didn't ask me, because I had a better night in.
Anyway, as he left I had a legit serious conversation with him on the porch. He's worried about my health, as he should be. I haven't been sleeping well and I feel like I'm starting to go a little insane. I'm still hung up over what happened a week ago, and I'm sure he can see it in my eyes. (.... A/N; I seriously just started crying right now.) I wish he wouldn't worry. I mean... I don't know. I hate it when people get too concerned about me.
I tear myself away from people. When I really don't want contact you can tell. It's easier in real life because I can actually physically set myself apart. I stand a bit further away, I don't reach out and touch people... it's just a lot of small things.
Anyway, my sister is still kind a nagging me about my relationship. I really wish I could stop caring about it.
In the end, what made me smile the most the entire night was when one of my guy friends fell asleep on my couch. We had just finished the movie and I was taking my two other friends home. We debated leaving him there because obviously he was doing fine. But sadly we had to wake him up. It's just funny because I honestly would have let him sleep there until he woke up for whatever reason. He also said at last homecoming that he would sneak into my house just to sleep on the couch. Well, he finally got to...
It's weird having homecoming right before 9/11. I don't understand why it's so early this year. Today is a day of remembrance. I hope I get an ultra mellow day and hopefully some sleep tonight. (It has been getting better though).
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make
your paths straight.
-- Proverbs 3:5-6
There was some serious discussion and I guess it kinda let people know that things aren't ok. My boyfriend went to the actual dance. He did not ask me to go with him. However, his rationale is sound. I don't like dances. I don't like the loud music and being crowded into a gym with people I don't like or don't know. He already knew that and didn't bother asking. Yet.... it still would have been nice if he did. Would I have said no? I have no idea. But in the end, I'm glad he didn't ask me, because I had a better night in.
Anyway, as he left I had a legit serious conversation with him on the porch. He's worried about my health, as he should be. I haven't been sleeping well and I feel like I'm starting to go a little insane. I'm still hung up over what happened a week ago, and I'm sure he can see it in my eyes. (.... A/N; I seriously just started crying right now.) I wish he wouldn't worry. I mean... I don't know. I hate it when people get too concerned about me.
I tear myself away from people. When I really don't want contact you can tell. It's easier in real life because I can actually physically set myself apart. I stand a bit further away, I don't reach out and touch people... it's just a lot of small things.
Anyway, my sister is still kind a nagging me about my relationship. I really wish I could stop caring about it.
In the end, what made me smile the most the entire night was when one of my guy friends fell asleep on my couch. We had just finished the movie and I was taking my two other friends home. We debated leaving him there because obviously he was doing fine. But sadly we had to wake him up. It's just funny because I honestly would have let him sleep there until he woke up for whatever reason. He also said at last homecoming that he would sneak into my house just to sleep on the couch. Well, he finally got to...
It's weird having homecoming right before 9/11. I don't understand why it's so early this year. Today is a day of remembrance. I hope I get an ultra mellow day and hopefully some sleep tonight. (It has been getting better though).
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make
your paths straight.
-- Proverbs 3:5-6
Monday
I got to see my niece this weekend. Being called "auntie Lizzie" just warmed my heart. She's turning 4 in a few days and it's amazing how time flies. I STILL have a picture of me when I was 13 and holding her as a newborn.
Anyway, this was a good weekend, overall.
I had in mind this really awesome post. But I have no idea what I wanted to say anymore.
Oh! I got some really awful news on Friday night, but after a night of talking it out with a bunch of people I felt OK. Plus the fact that I went out and had fun. Ok, well, 7 hour car ride isn't exactly fun...
I dunno... I feel so grateful for the people I have around me. They helped me through a tough spot... and I have a feeling they'll have to keep doing it. I'm accepting of it right now, but who knows how I'll handle it in a day or two. Hopefully this will fade from my mind.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest.
-- Matthew 11:28
Anyway, this was a good weekend, overall.
I had in mind this really awesome post. But I have no idea what I wanted to say anymore.
Oh! I got some really awful news on Friday night, but after a night of talking it out with a bunch of people I felt OK. Plus the fact that I went out and had fun. Ok, well, 7 hour car ride isn't exactly fun...
I dunno... I feel so grateful for the people I have around me. They helped me through a tough spot... and I have a feeling they'll have to keep doing it. I'm accepting of it right now, but who knows how I'll handle it in a day or two. Hopefully this will fade from my mind.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest.
-- Matthew 11:28
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