I'm starting to slip back into something I don't want. It's starting to become noticeable to my friends (or at least one of them), and I really don't want it to be true.

But I need to sleep! It's a whole "chicken and egg" debacle. What happened first? My lack of sleep or depression? I mean, they often go hand in hand. I don't sleep, I start eating less, I try to nap during the day, my focus goes elsewhere/I don't have any (so grades slip and I stop caring), and so on. My pain (physical and emotional) tend to contribute to this as well so I just become a big bag of "don't mess with me".

Anyway, I am in the top 15% of my class in terms of GPA. :D Hopefully that gets me some awesomesauce scholarships at out of state schools.

Uhmm... friend's birthday tomorrow... Still frustrated with my boy... I actually wrote a poem that I may/may not give him. (Err... technically 6 months coming up, but things have been so weird lately I'm not even sure it's that big of a deal anymore.)

A simple word
A magnificent smile
All I needed from you

Something started again
Better than before
Patched up and beating still

Lovelorn cliches
Picture perfect love
Became my life

I love you's
Whispering in my brain
Bouncing off the golden yellow walls

Smiles so wide
The feel of you
Stuck in memories

Endless summer nights
All in worry
Filled with wants

Ticking away
Starting all over
Marked days pass on

Tug after tug
It hurts still
But patched and beating still

Still confused
What to do..
I wait.

You are
Every chliche
Lovesick love song

Frustrating
Loveable
Amazing

Beyond me
You existbl
I can't let go, even if I tried

Self-concious worry
I hate to cling
Hate to impose

But there is something more
Three simple words.
I. Love. You.

Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is
not wise to ask such questions.
-- Ecclesiastes 7:10