Day Five: Happy
A bit of a reflection today...
I rarely show that I'm upset. I rarely show that I'm angry. I rarely show that I'm annoyed. I rarely show anything besides happiness. Well, at least in real life. Online I find that it's a little bit easier to show all of my emotions... or at least most of them. I'm better when I have time to think out my words and everything.
But I have no idea where my generally happy outlook comes from...
However, I don't think I'm really 'me' without being happy. I'm bound to have a bad day or too, but I don't have many of them and I don't brood over them. Each day has a different set of problems so I just deal with them as they come.
Always being happy isn't a good thing though. It gets harder and harder to express anything else. Which, you know... it's pretty nice if you can. There are times when I need to just get everything out, and that's a little bit why I have this. This is basically my online journal.
I think I've always been a generally happy person. Except for that one period of time... but even then I was generally happy. I had nothing to bad to complain about. I was just lonely... I just wondered if anyone cared. It's all over now, so it doesn't matter.
This is all really boring... I guess I'll end it here. Sorry for the delay in posting this one, I had computer problems last night. Tonight's will be up on time... hopefully.
From everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those
who fear him, and his righteousness.
-- Psalm 103:17-18
Wednesday
Tuesday
Day Four: Gopher
Alright... this one stumped me. So, instead of writing about gophers, I'll continue with my usual non-interesting posts.
I've been watching the World Cup for the past few days. I'm not into sports, but it's interesting. I'm definitely finding myself getting interested for a good stretch of time. I'm pretty excited for the next few games... they're going to be pretty intense.
Today I finally went outside of the house and interacted with a friend of mine. It was about time that both of us stepped away from the computers and did something. So, we did. We sat at the park and talked to each other. It was nice.
Otherwise, I haven't been up to much lately. Just being lazy and stuff. But the next few days are going to be fun. Thursday: Seeing a friend I haven't seen since school ended. Friday: Going to see The Last Airbender with a friend. Sunday: Fourth of July! Going to see fireworks with a group of people I only see on the Fourth of July.
God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in
spirit and in truth.
-- John 4:24
Alright... this one stumped me. So, instead of writing about gophers, I'll continue with my usual non-interesting posts.
I've been watching the World Cup for the past few days. I'm not into sports, but it's interesting. I'm definitely finding myself getting interested for a good stretch of time. I'm pretty excited for the next few games... they're going to be pretty intense.
Today I finally went outside of the house and interacted with a friend of mine. It was about time that both of us stepped away from the computers and did something. So, we did. We sat at the park and talked to each other. It was nice.
Otherwise, I haven't been up to much lately. Just being lazy and stuff. But the next few days are going to be fun. Thursday: Seeing a friend I haven't seen since school ended. Friday: Going to see The Last Airbender with a friend. Sunday: Fourth of July! Going to see fireworks with a group of people I only see on the Fourth of July.
God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in
spirit and in truth.
-- John 4:24
Monday
Day Three: Bravado
Name: Nikolai Titov
Age: 21
Sex: M
Born: June 3, 1848
Died: August 20, 1869
Nikolai was born under a dark sky, just shortly after one in the morning. He was the third son, and fifth child of the Titov family. They lived in a bustling village many miles away from Moscow. He was born a normal, healthy baby. Nikolai had wisps of bright blond hair and dazzling blue eyes.
He grew up as a normal child. Or so it seemed to everyone else. He laughed and he played. He studied hard when he needed to. He helped when he was called to, and sometimes when he wasn't. He lived a childhood filled with scraped knees and hard work. His hands became calloused as he grew older, doing hard work on the farms. Nikolai was the youngest of the family. He was babied by his older siblings but was raised to be a man. He learned quickly that real men never show something is wrong.
He married at the age of 18, and died only days before their third anniversary. Nikolai never had any children. However, he was completely devoted to his wife. She never married again.
Nikolai was turning into a very handsome man. He had a tall, lanky stature, reaching almost six feet. He had long hands, roughened from working long days in the fields. Nikolai's blond hair at birth slowly turned brown. His blue eyes became hazel. He had a strong jaw and full lips. As Nikolai grew older, his eyes grew more and more almond shaped.
Most importantly, he died with a secret. Most men do. But this secret what something he never told anyone. It was his heart. There were moments where it began to race, as if he run the entire way to the school and back. Even more frightening, he could feel the blood pulsing through his body. The first time he felt this, he was still a boy. Only 13. However, at that point he knew real men didn't show anything was wrong. So, he kept it a secret.
As he grew up, the mysterious heart problems had lapses. Some times he would go months without and episode. Some times he had an episode up to five times a month. It hurt, but he didn't know what to do. He worried someday he would die of this. Once he was married, he was determined to live his life, to be there for his wife. He also pledged to be there for his child, but he never got to.
During mid August, Nikolai took his wife and moved into the city. He hoped for a better opportunity. On the way there, they were met with some thieves. Nikolai fought them off as bravely as he could. He was shaking with fear inside. He did not want his wife hurt. The thieves ran off, unable to grab anything valuable. Nikolai had serious wounds. His wife did her best to bandage them up. They continued onto their destination. They rushed to find a hospital. However, it ended up being too late.
Not once did he complain to his wife of the horrible pain that was wracking his body constantly after the attack. After the doctor examined him, he fell asleep in the bed, feeling a wave of relaxation. His pain ebbed away as he drifted off. He was never woken up.
----
And that is a short character profile. I almost feel bad for him... and I've only worked with Nikolai for a few hours. I may never need him, but it will be nice to have this. It'll help me create profiles in the future.
Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from
there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
-- Philippians 3:20
Name: Nikolai Titov
Age: 21
Sex: M
Born: June 3, 1848
Died: August 20, 1869
Nikolai was born under a dark sky, just shortly after one in the morning. He was the third son, and fifth child of the Titov family. They lived in a bustling village many miles away from Moscow. He was born a normal, healthy baby. Nikolai had wisps of bright blond hair and dazzling blue eyes.
He grew up as a normal child. Or so it seemed to everyone else. He laughed and he played. He studied hard when he needed to. He helped when he was called to, and sometimes when he wasn't. He lived a childhood filled with scraped knees and hard work. His hands became calloused as he grew older, doing hard work on the farms. Nikolai was the youngest of the family. He was babied by his older siblings but was raised to be a man. He learned quickly that real men never show something is wrong.
He married at the age of 18, and died only days before their third anniversary. Nikolai never had any children. However, he was completely devoted to his wife. She never married again.
Nikolai was turning into a very handsome man. He had a tall, lanky stature, reaching almost six feet. He had long hands, roughened from working long days in the fields. Nikolai's blond hair at birth slowly turned brown. His blue eyes became hazel. He had a strong jaw and full lips. As Nikolai grew older, his eyes grew more and more almond shaped.
Most importantly, he died with a secret. Most men do. But this secret what something he never told anyone. It was his heart. There were moments where it began to race, as if he run the entire way to the school and back. Even more frightening, he could feel the blood pulsing through his body. The first time he felt this, he was still a boy. Only 13. However, at that point he knew real men didn't show anything was wrong. So, he kept it a secret.
As he grew up, the mysterious heart problems had lapses. Some times he would go months without and episode. Some times he had an episode up to five times a month. It hurt, but he didn't know what to do. He worried someday he would die of this. Once he was married, he was determined to live his life, to be there for his wife. He also pledged to be there for his child, but he never got to.
During mid August, Nikolai took his wife and moved into the city. He hoped for a better opportunity. On the way there, they were met with some thieves. Nikolai fought them off as bravely as he could. He was shaking with fear inside. He did not want his wife hurt. The thieves ran off, unable to grab anything valuable. Nikolai had serious wounds. His wife did her best to bandage them up. They continued onto their destination. They rushed to find a hospital. However, it ended up being too late.
Not once did he complain to his wife of the horrible pain that was wracking his body constantly after the attack. After the doctor examined him, he fell asleep in the bed, feeling a wave of relaxation. His pain ebbed away as he drifted off. He was never woken up.
----
And that is a short character profile. I almost feel bad for him... and I've only worked with Nikolai for a few hours. I may never need him, but it will be nice to have this. It'll help me create profiles in the future.
Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from
there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
-- Philippians 3:20
Sunday
Saturday
I've always wanted to keep myself busy through summer. But, there are some days where I just can't get out of the house, so I need something to do. I have decide to challenge myself. I have a list of 143 prompts. Everyday I choose one and I get the day to work on it. If I happen to finish it long before the day is over, I can choose a second one.
What I can produce can be just about anything- a picture, a graphic, a poem, a short story, a drabble, the beginning of a story, an outline of a character, a memory, a journal entry, and so on. Most of it will be writing. However, I might combine some of these into one post.
I'm starting this challenge today!
DAY ONE: Visionary
Something just wasn't right. She was gone! I had seen her body! She practically died in front of me. How could I be seeing her again? It's been over a year. I've moved on. There's really nothing to remember her by. All the boxes have been moved out and I just have my memories of her.
It's creepy, seeing her again. Especially at her favorite place. She loved going to the lake. But we avoided going after she left. It just wasn't right. On this day... exactly one year we decided to relive a memory.
What a reliving.
I crept a little closer, the wood creaking softly under me. I cringed. Everything is so much louder when you're trying to be quiet. She taught me that.
She turned around, looking shocked. She was sitting in my favorite spot. It was like she wanted me to find her. But I didn't want to find her. I'm over her, she had to know that. Certainly she's been watching me for the past year.
I just stood there, staring. I can't go to her, that would be crazy. But I'm already out here, in the middle of the night. I'm practically freezing in my shorts and tank top. No shoes, that would make too much noise. I learned that on my own.
This just had to be a dream. No way was this real. She began to walk, well more like float, closer to me. My entire body was telling me to run away. Something deeper wanted to stay, let her find me. It would be really hard to miss me. I'm the only one here! Everyone else is sleeping, like I should be. I take a step back. It's getting late. I'm tired. She thinks differently. She's standing at the edge of the dock now. It's like she's actually there...
But she's not. I know she isn't.
----
As I was writing, I realized that this was starting to sound more and more like "Pretty Little Liars". It's something I might go back and edit some day. So, there's day one.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has
compassion on those who fear him.
-- Psalm 103:13
What I can produce can be just about anything- a picture, a graphic, a poem, a short story, a drabble, the beginning of a story, an outline of a character, a memory, a journal entry, and so on. Most of it will be writing. However, I might combine some of these into one post.
I'm starting this challenge today!
DAY ONE: Visionary
Something just wasn't right. She was gone! I had seen her body! She practically died in front of me. How could I be seeing her again? It's been over a year. I've moved on. There's really nothing to remember her by. All the boxes have been moved out and I just have my memories of her.
It's creepy, seeing her again. Especially at her favorite place. She loved going to the lake. But we avoided going after she left. It just wasn't right. On this day... exactly one year we decided to relive a memory.
What a reliving.
I crept a little closer, the wood creaking softly under me. I cringed. Everything is so much louder when you're trying to be quiet. She taught me that.
She turned around, looking shocked. She was sitting in my favorite spot. It was like she wanted me to find her. But I didn't want to find her. I'm over her, she had to know that. Certainly she's been watching me for the past year.
I just stood there, staring. I can't go to her, that would be crazy. But I'm already out here, in the middle of the night. I'm practically freezing in my shorts and tank top. No shoes, that would make too much noise. I learned that on my own.
This just had to be a dream. No way was this real. She began to walk, well more like float, closer to me. My entire body was telling me to run away. Something deeper wanted to stay, let her find me. It would be really hard to miss me. I'm the only one here! Everyone else is sleeping, like I should be. I take a step back. It's getting late. I'm tired. She thinks differently. She's standing at the edge of the dock now. It's like she's actually there...
But she's not. I know she isn't.
----
As I was writing, I realized that this was starting to sound more and more like "Pretty Little Liars". It's something I might go back and edit some day. So, there's day one.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has
compassion on those who fear him.
-- Psalm 103:13
Thursday
FREEDOM! I have a taste of it! :)
Today I was REALLY bored so I was looking up things to do in my city. Then I saw that we had a planetarium! Dude. I didn't know that!
So I looked to see if anything was going on. And yes- there was tonight. So I was like, "Sweet, Maybe I can convince my parents to let me go alone." But as the day went on I kinda lost interest in going.
I told my friend about it and she was all "I'll go with you." and so... we went.
Alone. As in- I drove. The entire time.
Besides taking a wrong turn when exiting the parking lot, and not quite knowing how to turn my lights on (about two minutes later I figured out) it was un eventful. But I have a toaster oven of a car.
However, I found it really interesting and fun at the planetarium. It was on ancient Egypt. In the end, I was glad I went. I learned a little bit. But just staring up at the "stars" was amazing.
I have to say, I'm glad my parents allow me the freedom to pick up a friend and go into town. I know there are others out there whose parents do the same... but it's different once it's your own parents. I think I proved to myself and another person that I AM a good driver!
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
-- Colossians 3:13
Today I was REALLY bored so I was looking up things to do in my city. Then I saw that we had a planetarium! Dude. I didn't know that!
So I looked to see if anything was going on. And yes- there was tonight. So I was like, "Sweet, Maybe I can convince my parents to let me go alone." But as the day went on I kinda lost interest in going.
I told my friend about it and she was all "I'll go with you." and so... we went.
Alone. As in- I drove. The entire time.
Besides taking a wrong turn when exiting the parking lot, and not quite knowing how to turn my lights on (about two minutes later I figured out) it was un eventful. But I have a toaster oven of a car.
However, I found it really interesting and fun at the planetarium. It was on ancient Egypt. In the end, I was glad I went. I learned a little bit. But just staring up at the "stars" was amazing.
I have to say, I'm glad my parents allow me the freedom to pick up a friend and go into town. I know there are others out there whose parents do the same... but it's different once it's your own parents. I think I proved to myself and another person that I AM a good driver!
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may
have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
-- Colossians 3:13
Wednesday
So, I decided to update the look of my blog. It's nice. I like it. I had such a hard time trying to decide what to do as my background. This fits though. I LOVE color wheels. Just slowly moving over to the exact right color. Love it. It's the perfectionist in me that likes this.
Nothing too exciting going on. However, today I got my car registered so I am completely 100% legally able to drive without an adult in the car. That makes me SO happy. I've been waiting for this for awhile. It might be awhile until it's put into good use, though.
I'm looking forward to Saturday. Seeing the Karate Kid! I haven't seen the original but it looks really cool. I think it's going to be a packed theater.
I'm also looking forward to July. July 1st- The Last Airbender comes out. (Yeah, they pushed the release date up). I cannot WAIT. July 4th- I finally have a car so I can go see the fireworks with my friends this year :). Late July- Hopefully going to Costa Rica! I pray to God that my mom has a vacation and that my parents were seriously considering going when they asked. I would LOVE to go. So badly.
Since it's Summer, I tend to read a little bit more. Already I've read: "A Walk to Remember" (easy one day read). The Diary of Anne Frank. Multi- Day read but that's because it was a little dry and hard to get through many pages in a sitting. I started Frankenstein (like, the prologue or first chapter, and that's it). "An Abundance of Katherines" Good book also a one day read. "Fade" I was thoroughly confused because I forgot everything that happened in the first book. I guess that's what happens when I wake too long to read the sequel. About a two or three day read. "Blue Noon" I also forgot what happened in previous books, but a good stand alone in my opinion. About a three day read (For 500 pages- so a one day read is just over 200 pages). Now I'm reading "Syren" over 600 pages and I've made a VERY small dent in it. Basically day two and I'm not even 100 pages in. Ouch. But, to be honest I haven't been putting in the time to read it so it's not really fair. But I'll probably be done within a weeks time. Maybe less.
55 days until my birthday! So far awwwaayyyy.... Oh well. I'm going to be 16! Geeeezz... I already feel like I'm 16. I guess it's because everyone else around me is 16. Well... almost everyone. Either way. I get a free day for my birthday this year! No registration (that's the day after) no school soon (18th) and NO driver's ed! (haha, that was last year). Maybe I might actually do something besides sleep in.
Naaaahhh.
Shoot. I had something to say. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm.
I guess not. Well, alright then.
LIES! I thought of it. I've been working on a story. I'm not very far yet but this has the most characters I've worked with. I have about 10 characters. I'm going to have a hard time pulling it all off, but I really want to try and weave all the stories together. If I manage to finish it (lololololol. Right, me finish a story?!?!).
Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads
to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate
and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
-- Matthew 7:13-14
Nothing too exciting going on. However, today I got my car registered so I am completely 100% legally able to drive without an adult in the car. That makes me SO happy. I've been waiting for this for awhile. It might be awhile until it's put into good use, though.
I'm looking forward to Saturday. Seeing the Karate Kid! I haven't seen the original but it looks really cool. I think it's going to be a packed theater.
I'm also looking forward to July. July 1st- The Last Airbender comes out. (Yeah, they pushed the release date up). I cannot WAIT. July 4th- I finally have a car so I can go see the fireworks with my friends this year :). Late July- Hopefully going to Costa Rica! I pray to God that my mom has a vacation and that my parents were seriously considering going when they asked. I would LOVE to go. So badly.
Since it's Summer, I tend to read a little bit more. Already I've read: "A Walk to Remember" (easy one day read). The Diary of Anne Frank. Multi- Day read but that's because it was a little dry and hard to get through many pages in a sitting. I started Frankenstein (like, the prologue or first chapter, and that's it). "An Abundance of Katherines" Good book also a one day read. "Fade" I was thoroughly confused because I forgot everything that happened in the first book. I guess that's what happens when I wake too long to read the sequel. About a two or three day read. "Blue Noon" I also forgot what happened in previous books, but a good stand alone in my opinion. About a three day read (For 500 pages- so a one day read is just over 200 pages). Now I'm reading "Syren" over 600 pages and I've made a VERY small dent in it. Basically day two and I'm not even 100 pages in. Ouch. But, to be honest I haven't been putting in the time to read it so it's not really fair. But I'll probably be done within a weeks time. Maybe less.
55 days until my birthday! So far awwwaayyyy.... Oh well. I'm going to be 16! Geeeezz... I already feel like I'm 16. I guess it's because everyone else around me is 16. Well... almost everyone. Either way. I get a free day for my birthday this year! No registration (that's the day after) no school soon (18th) and NO driver's ed! (haha, that was last year). Maybe I might actually do something besides sleep in.
Naaaahhh.
Shoot. I had something to say. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm. Uhm.
I guess not. Well, alright then.
LIES! I thought of it. I've been working on a story. I'm not very far yet but this has the most characters I've worked with. I have about 10 characters. I'm going to have a hard time pulling it all off, but I really want to try and weave all the stories together. If I manage to finish it (lololololol. Right, me finish a story?!?!).
Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads
to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate
and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
-- Matthew 7:13-14
Looking back, my last post was very irrational. I'm feeling tons better today. But still pooped and it's only 10. Though I guess that can be explained. I cleaned my car for two hours (at least, I also went through a small tire changing session). So, scrubbing, vacuuming and contorting myself so I could get everywhere kinda tires you out. I also went to the pool. Then the park after. Semi packed day so I'm just a little tired.
However I am feeling good. Sleepy, but otherwise feeling good. No thoughts of wondering if anyone cared. I love sleep though. It is amazing. I think I shouldn't push being up so late so much. I'll save the one or two in the morning conversations for when it really matters :).
Anyhow, my knee has been acting up a bit lately. It hurts more often at night, but I can feel it when I'm just up too much. I need to be sure I'm not brushing off the pain too much because some day it might turn into something serious. But at this point, it's just a nuisance when I'm sitting around, trying to get tired enough to sleep.
In other news... I have almost officially lost four pounds. 4 down, 16 more to go. Yes. 16. I want to weigh less than I did in middle school. Lets see if it's an achievable goal. If not.... I'm content with under 130 :). (Which I have weight SINCE middle school). I'm just hoping I can keep those four pounds OFF.
Sunburn healing (it's peeling, now) and it doesn't hurt. My face is kinda burnt from my adventure today but it should go away soon.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.
-- Proverbs 15:1
However I am feeling good. Sleepy, but otherwise feeling good. No thoughts of wondering if anyone cared. I love sleep though. It is amazing. I think I shouldn't push being up so late so much. I'll save the one or two in the morning conversations for when it really matters :).
Anyhow, my knee has been acting up a bit lately. It hurts more often at night, but I can feel it when I'm just up too much. I need to be sure I'm not brushing off the pain too much because some day it might turn into something serious. But at this point, it's just a nuisance when I'm sitting around, trying to get tired enough to sleep.
In other news... I have almost officially lost four pounds. 4 down, 16 more to go. Yes. 16. I want to weigh less than I did in middle school. Lets see if it's an achievable goal. If not.... I'm content with under 130 :). (Which I have weight SINCE middle school). I'm just hoping I can keep those four pounds OFF.
Sunburn healing (it's peeling, now) and it doesn't hurt. My face is kinda burnt from my adventure today but it should go away soon.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger.
-- Proverbs 15:1
Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I'm getting depressed again. It's preliminary, because it's only been about... three or four days. But, the feelings are the same as every other time. Bursts of wanting to cry... the thoughts of self mutilation... sleeping more.... eating more... not wanting to go out and see people... talking less and less to people...
Though I'm not sure all of those are particularly my fault. I'm tired, so I sleep. Most of my friends are out of the country, so I don't talk to them much. I haven't had any face to face human interaction (besides family) for about a week. I'm home alone, so I'm bored. I eat. I feel like crap because no one seems to care so I almost cry. I think about how no one would notice even if I did cut myself...
It's all rationalizing something that shouldn't be rationalized. I'm freakin' depressed. There's no way of getting around it. Maybe it'll go away after I see my friend tomorrow. Lack of sleep is not the case this time. I have gone to bed early and slept in late for two nights in a row. One night usually does it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me this time but... it's life I suppose.
I just don't know anymore... life isn't exciting and there's nothing to talk about since it's summer now. I love the fact that it's summer. It's basically freedom. I soon get my own car (for like the fiftieth time). Things have been pretty crazy and I'm just not sure what I've reported out and what I haven't. And because I just don't know and don't care to check... these are the two most "exciting" things to have happened to me; a funeral and major sunburn. Neither was very pleasant.
I'm feeling like crap so I'm going to go ahead and just sign off right now.
Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact
you are doing.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Though I'm not sure all of those are particularly my fault. I'm tired, so I sleep. Most of my friends are out of the country, so I don't talk to them much. I haven't had any face to face human interaction (besides family) for about a week. I'm home alone, so I'm bored. I eat. I feel like crap because no one seems to care so I almost cry. I think about how no one would notice even if I did cut myself...
It's all rationalizing something that shouldn't be rationalized. I'm freakin' depressed. There's no way of getting around it. Maybe it'll go away after I see my friend tomorrow. Lack of sleep is not the case this time. I have gone to bed early and slept in late for two nights in a row. One night usually does it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me this time but... it's life I suppose.
I just don't know anymore... life isn't exciting and there's nothing to talk about since it's summer now. I love the fact that it's summer. It's basically freedom. I soon get my own car (for like the fiftieth time). Things have been pretty crazy and I'm just not sure what I've reported out and what I haven't. And because I just don't know and don't care to check... these are the two most "exciting" things to have happened to me; a funeral and major sunburn. Neither was very pleasant.
I'm feeling like crap so I'm going to go ahead and just sign off right now.
Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact
you are doing.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
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