I'm pretty sure I'm getting depressed again. It's preliminary, because it's only been about... three or four days. But, the feelings are the same as every other time. Bursts of wanting to cry... the thoughts of self mutilation... sleeping more.... eating more... not wanting to go out and see people... talking less and less to people...

Though I'm not sure all of those are particularly my fault. I'm tired, so I sleep. Most of my friends are out of the country, so I don't talk to them much. I haven't had any face to face human interaction (besides family) for about a week. I'm home alone, so I'm bored. I eat. I feel like crap because no one seems to care so I almost cry. I think about how no one would notice even if I did cut myself...

It's all rationalizing something that shouldn't be rationalized. I'm freakin' depressed. There's no way of getting around it. Maybe it'll go away after I see my friend tomorrow. Lack of sleep is not the case this time. I have gone to bed early and slept in late for two nights in a row. One night usually does it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me this time but... it's life I suppose.

I just don't know anymore... life isn't exciting and there's nothing to talk about since it's summer now. I love the fact that it's summer. It's basically freedom. I soon get my own car (for like the fiftieth time). Things have been pretty crazy and I'm just not sure what I've reported out and what I haven't. And because I just don't know and don't care to check... these are the two most "exciting" things to have happened to me; a funeral and major sunburn. Neither was very pleasant.

I'm feeling like crap so I'm going to go ahead and just sign off right now.

Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact
you are doing.
-- 1 Thessalonians 5:11