Sometimes I find saying "I love you" a bit hard and even awkward. It's not because I don't believe in love or that I don't love in general... but because I don't hate. I mean, there are people that I don't like and that I'd rather not be around, but that doesn't mean that I hate them.
But then I have to wonder how I know if I truly love someone? When I look at my circle of friends, I honestly feel like I would do anything for them. For some reason I feel less inclined when I think about my family. That might be because I've always been a bit distant from them and I don't feel like they've really been there. I don't really think they care sometimes. I know that's an awful mentality to have. It's how I truly and honestly feel though. I mean, I still love them, and I'm devoted to them... but I get frustrated with them more easily.
Then how do I distinguish the love between my friends? There's one friend that I've only recently got a little closer to and there are people that have been with me through three long years. Yet what I would do for both those groups is the same.
I guess I'm just a little confused and mad at my heart. Truly loving somebody means being there when they need me, and letting them go away when they need to be on their own. I'm just not sure I can do that sometimes. Yet when it's needed, it happens. Of course it hurts inside when it's someone I'm especially close to...
Now I'm just being vague.
School is alright. I'll get through it somehow.
But day....3 of a nagging sadness starting.
Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day
of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
-- Psalm 86:6-7
1 comment:
He will hear your prayer; he will listen to your cry for mercy. In the day of your trouble you will call to him, for he will answer you.
God cares about you always, no matter what. He loves you, no matter what. Jesus gave his life for you, so that you would know him. I'm here, Lizzie. Don't give up hope. Your family probably loves you more than you know. I'm glad you were honest, no matter how difficult those feelings are. You are greatly loved. And you love so greatly. God loves us more than we could ever possibly know or possibly do, and don't ever forget that.
We're here, Lizzie. I do love you as a person who dould do anything for you. I just want you to know that you are not alone in anything. And it is entirely, supernaturally, incredibly beautiful that you do not hate. I hope and pray that you never do. We, God, your family, your friends (including myself), all love you, Lizzie. Don't give up hope. Keep on being honest. When your life is in His hands, everything will work out for good.
-Alison
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