Merry Christmas Eve! I know I won't be posting tomorrow, I know I shouldn't even touch my computer tomorrow, but I know I will. So I'm just going to post a bit about things that have been going on.

I finished my first semester of college. I passed all of my classes. One of them I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I still passed. I ordered all my books for next semester and I can't wait until I start classes. It's going to be a bit of a crazy year, but I think I can do it. It's going to take some serious dedication in order to keep my GPA high enough to keep my scholarships. Well, at least the scholarship that's keeping college affordable. I'm not sure how we'd be able to get along without. I know we would, but it's still an intensely scary thought. So I try not to think about it.

But my boyfriend finally applied to transfer. Here's hoping that he gets accepted. We've planned for him to get accepted so it would be absolutely heartbreaking if he didn't. I also got him some books for next semester.

Things just feel odd. I'm about ready to go back to school, but I'm not. I'm dreading going back. I mean, sure, I like these people... but I'm not ready to go back to the off-putting loneliness.

The holidays see to fill me with a sense of unhappiness. It's like year after year we do less and less in my family. The Christmas meals are ate in silence. I feel like without a tree and the knowledge of a gift exchange... the spirit isn't there. I know it's so materialistic to base the Christmas spirit on lights, an ornamented tree, shiny wrapped gift and other material things... but it starts to mean something. Without any of these things I just feel like this Christmas Eve is just another day. Christmas is going to be just another day.

Do you lose the spirit of Christmas as you grow up? Or does my family just not try any more? Would it be any different if I had insisted on getting a tree or putting up lights? Maybe. It's too late to find out.

So I don't know. Merry Christmas to all.

 Be joyful always.
    -- 1 Thessalonians 5:16