Oh silly Michael... are you trying to make me jealous? Because it's working. It really is.

So, thanksgiving morning I'm just lounging around and at 9am I get this from him: "Happy thanksgiving Lizzie! I gave thanks for you today!". I was thrown a little off guard by this... but so sweet. It made me smile, and it always will. :D

Then, today I was waiting to be picked up. It was dark, I was alone, cold and a little paranoid, so I begin to text him. I'm like "Ok, so im alone and cold in a dark parking lot.. what's wrong with that picture?" His reply?

"Ok, so i'm alone in white sands with about 60 japanese high school girls that are extremely hard to flirt with cause they dont speak english!"
-_-. Thank you Michael. I really needed to know that right then and there. It made my life so much better. But I laughed at his misfortune. :P

Then, just a little while ago... "Ok, so i went for round two in the alamagordo movie theater. But to my surprise the japanese made the first move. A group of about 7 plopped down next to me, said something to me in japanese, played with my hair, and then kissed me on the cheek. Then an old japanese man slapped me on the back of the head and yelled something at the girls and points at me. Haha. The only thing i could make out was whiteboy. We flirted all through the movie..."

Bleeehhhh. Well, thank you for that. It made me smile and laugh a bit. (seeing as he gets into a whole bunch of shenanigans). However... we've been talking on and off a bit lately... and idk. I like that he talks to me. It's fun. :). I wouldn't say that I like him enough to like, date him or whatever... but I definitely want to know more about him. For sure.

Anyhow... today was fun. I saw my friends, met a few of her friends. 'twas an amazing time. I saw a kid I haven't seen since like... 6th grade. (ok fine, more like two years, but still). I met some new people and got inspired to learn how to play the guitar and banjo. XP

And I found some one that writes "Lizzie" and not "Lizzy". Such a nit picky detail, but it makes me happy. ^^'.

Hmmmm... Oh, I learned how to knit today. It's going alright. I'm just practicing right now. Maybe I can knit something exciting...

So close to being done with NaNo!!! ~5,000 words left. I can do that in like, two days... XP

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! It's an amazing day. So much to be thankful for.

I have to say, I am very thankful for all of my friends. They are amazing people and I have no idea how I would be able to live without them. So, Sarah, Ashley, Bri, Michael(s), Calvin, Tasha, Shi, Colin, Kaija, Carla, Katie, Nicole and Ali... all of you are amazing! I love you and hope you all realize that my life would not be complete without any of you. ♥

I have a separate thanks for my family. Thanks for believing in me, and doing what you think is best... even if it annoys me to no end sometimes.

A super special shout out to God. You are amazing. I love you and hope to love you more and more with every passing day. Thank you so much for giving me this day, and all the days I've lived. :)

'Tis almost Thanksgiving!

I sat on a train for like, an hour and a half. It was pretty interesting... I had about no time to find a seat (not like I could with how heavy my suitcase was...). And I talked to this really cool guy next to me.

If there are two questions I hear that I never get tired of.. they have to be, "Are you a senior?" and "Are you two related?" The answer to both (typically) are 'no'. Depends who I'm with when the second one is asked, but I'm usually with my friend Ashely.

I was asked the first one today. On the bus. I really don't get why anyone would think I'm a senior. I don't act like one... I don't look like one.. I'm not even smart enough to be one. Oh well. So it goes.

Aannd... in Spanish class, this kid was like "... And you're both attached at the hip, even though she's a freshman." (talking about Ashley). XD Oh silly.

Anyway.... I think that's it. Other than Rush (kid in my Spanish class) downed like, two of my water bottles(~32 fl oz). Crazzzyyyy. haha.

That should be all.

Other than NaNo taking over my life.

Why is it that after I decide that I'm done with guys... that I get a crush on one?

It always happens. I swear, this always happens. I decide that all I want is to focus of school and just have fun. Then... I meet a new guy and I realize that I like him. It gets frustrating. But oh well.

There's this guy in my Spanish class. I can't help it... he is funny, sweet and totally a guy I would love be around a lot more than three times a week. Aaannddd.. he's a freshman. Not that I have anything against freshmen, I'm not much older than most of them. He's one of the few guys that are not total jerks.

If anything, I've gotten so used to not having my water bottle in Spanish. Ever since like... the first day I brought it to school, he's been drinking out of it. I'm just so used to either just giving it to him, or him just taking it. It's that bad... not that I mind, really.

But yeah... I know that I don't have a chance with him. I know I don't, and I don't really want to pursue any guys anyway... I just want him out of my head. Seriously. That's it. All I want are guy friends. I highly doubt by next school year he'll even remember me...

*sigh*

Life...

And just when I thought life was going so well.

:\

I swore I would never be like this but... I have no choice. It happened. Can I change it? Yes, but it'd be like loosing a part of me. I just can't. It's too hard. grrrr.

If I could express everything I could. However, this is all I'm going to say, and this is what I want to say to him:

You don't have to shut down and become defensive when I make one comment. I'm young and I don't know how to word everything correctly. Just because I said something, doesn't mean you have to feel guilty because you're the one who said it first. I like you, I really do. But sometimes I wonder... I open myself up to you, I tell you things it takes MONTHS for other people to know. I let you inside my mind, I let you know about the worst times of my life. You pay me back by refusing to let me know what's on your mind. You don't accept it when I tell you everything's OK. It's so frustraing. I don't even know why I put up with it... but I do.

You are an amazing guy. Really, you are. I wish you could see that about your self. I can't always be there to hold your hand and convince you that you are. I hate to say it, but... it's true. Maybe both of us have some growing up to do. I with experience and you with... well... I don't know.

Sometimes, your need to know everything that goes on in my mind is... it's irritating. I don't like to let people inside my thoughts. It's uncomfortable. I have enough trouble with letting my friends in, and I've known some of them for years. I've only known you for months. It's a trust issue. I... I have more issue than you know. You don't know all of them, because I don't know why.

I'm glad you are a great listener when you need to be. I'm grateful for when you're able to comfort me. I'm glad you're in my life. But maybe... maybe you're being too intruding. Or not. Probably not.

Do you know how much it frustrates me when you hide stuff from me? I try to talk to you, and you just build this brick wall that takes forever to take down. Sometimes I don't even trust you when you say you're OK. When you say "Don't worry" I worry more. I don't need to know details, I just want to know why you're so sad and down. I want to be for you, what you are for me. I want to be able to comfort you, to be a good listener.

I've told you that I need to mature. You know that. You even know why. I just wish you would keep in mind that... I act more like a 10 year old than 15 year old. It's my tragic flaw. I just can't act like a normal teen. There are so many things that you should know...but I can't bring myself to tell you. Maybe it's for the best...

This sounds so depressing. I know it does... but it's what's on my mind. You always want to know, so here you go. Uncensored. It's not so great, is it? Trust me, you want to stay as far away from me as possible. I hate to even think this thought... but maybe I'm going to push you out of my mind tonight. Maybe I'll forget. Just for a little while. It hurts, but... maybe it has to be done.

In other news... HALLOWEEN! :D yay. I'm going trick or treating and having fun with my friends. It looks like it should be a fun night...

This post is going to sound totally vain but... I have to say it. If you really know me, it's like it's a revelation of some sorts.

I never realized how... pretty I could be.

Totally vain, right?

Well... today I was wearing my black dress which... actually makes me look really nice. I originally got it for my graduation dance (8th grade). It's about knee-length and form-fitting. While I am overweight... I have to admit, I have some pretty nice curves XD.

Anyway. I took my hair down (it's ALWAYS in a ponytail), and I looked in the mirror... and I realized... I was pretty. Now... it seems like something that everyone either embraces or denies. I hate to say it... but I'm in the middle. I'm not really embracing it... but I don't think I'm going to be denying it from now on. (Or at least... I'll try not too).

Does this mean I've raised to a new level of confidence? Oh heck no. I'm just realizing who I am... just a little bit late. And I'm seeing what everyone else sees. Maybe life isn't so bad after all :)

I tend to feel better if I post what's on my mind so I can get it out of my mind.

One, I feel so anxious to get NaNo started. I'm also worried... but, I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Two, there's this girl in my choir who is pregnant. She's engaged, too. (BTW, she's a senior). Blargggg. I made my little freshman buddy promise me she'll wait until she's at least in college before she has sex. I'm pretty sure she was just saying that to make me happy, but ya never know.

Wow. It's been a little while. Nothing too amazing has been happening. Just life as normal. I took the PSAT's a little while ago. That was... interesting. (Gonna take the PLAN next month, too).

Math is going... not too bad. I got a 75 on my last test. :D (hey, it's passing. Not the B or higher I'm used to, but IT IS PASSING!). I was so freakin' happy that day. No joke.

Uhm... it's been getting colder. Fall weather, finally. I'm not a big fan of how cold it can get, but it's better than boiling. Not like my wardrobe changes much from just putting on a sweater :P. (And maybe putting sneakers on, too... ).

Hmm.... Oh! I got a new computer. So, now I finally have my own. I had a little adventure with make up. It was OK. Not like I'm going to start wearing make up that often anyway.

And, I think that's about it... (Other than some geeky spazzing over Mythbusters and Ninja Warrior).

I don't think words can describe how I'm feeling. I can try, but it won't be easy.

For one part, I have intense guilt and sadness that's bearing over me. My sister got my report card. :\ Crap. Ok, so I already know I'm not doing good in math. At all. I KNOW that. My first six weeks was a total disaster. I had no freakin' clue what I was doing, and I did BAD. Like, really bad. Failing bad. Yeah, seriously.

Like others, I have a pride thing. I really thought I could do this on my own. I REALLY did. I know I was foolish to believe that now, but I don't know. It's hard. I used to be really good at math. I guess I just missed out on some important things.

I feel guilty because I could have avoided this. I could have asked for help. I could have done so many things. It's obviously way too late for that.

It's not too late for me to bring up my grade by semester- because it's THOSE grades that count. I'm starting to understand things. New concepts are starting to come up.... and I think I can do OK.

Alas... Oh well. It's OK. I know my sister is really pissed at me, but my parents will understand. I just feel like I've disappointed some important people, though. :(