I'm just not so sure anymore.

All I want to do is make myself a better person.

Right now, I think all I need to do is write a little poem about my day/how I'm feeling.

I don't ask myself "Who am I?"
For I already know.
Deep down, I am sure.
I just need to bring it back again
Freedom and love
That's what this summer is about.
I ask myself "Where is home?"
That's what really matters.
Where does my spirit belong?
It's not in the sloping valley
For that's no where my roots are;
Only my branches.
It's not where the mountains roll
For it lacks the sunshine;
Only the night skies stay.
It's certainly not the grassy plains
For there is no more water;
Nothing to fuel me.

You call me for help.
I answer with no thought.
I want to be by your side,
I want to help you
Just like you've helped me.
My words seem futile.
Do you even listen?
I want to say yes.
But I know it's not true.
So much pain between the both of us
Let me mend your heart
But all I can do is rip the stitches out
I feel bad
But you keep coming back.
How do I deny you again?

We obviously need each other.
But how do we go about this?
I'm so sorry.
I wish I never did this to you.
We were doing so well.
I just don't want you to go.
It's all my fault.

I'm selfish
I'm rude
I expect so much.
And I'm sorry.
I didn't mean.
Not ever.
Believe me when I apologize.
I know I'm not the first.
But I'm not the same,
And you know that.
Give me a chance, and I can change.
That's what summer is for, right?
I just don't know how to make it up to you.
Please for give me?
My words are sincere.
Even if they sound expected.

I just want everything to be ok.
But it won't be.
I guess I need to start all over again.
----------------------------------------

Anyway, I had a long talk with one of my friends. I'll admit, it made me nearly cry. I wish I could have actually done something for him, but I guess I just have to do what I can.

Then one of my friends pointed out that I've sort of been taking advantage of her. I didn't realize it, but what she said made a lot of sense. I feel awful because that was never the intention. I really need to stop expecting things out of people...

Anyway, my weekend hasn't been all that kind to me lately.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he
has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has
promised to those who love him.
-- James 1:12