I keep thinking about how my life was a year ago. It doesn't help that I'm listening to the one song that brings up all the memories. "God Bless the Broken Road". It's such a beautiful song.... but I won't be able to listen to this objectively for a long time.

Lets put this in perspective. About a year ago around this time... my ex (obviously not at the time) and I met. In a month (exactly) it will be a year since we started going out. I'm over him, I really am. I appreciate him as a friend. Honestly, I don't think I could ever go back to him. Ever. But I keep thinking about when we went out together.

I can remember the day that he asked me to be his girlfriend. I can remember how special I felt... and most of all I remember that "God Bless the Broken Road" was the song that he said explained how he felt. I remember I looked it up... and I felt so... touched.

I listen to it now, and I feel like crying. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired, or because the memories are a little painful. I'm sure it's both. I don't know why this hurts. I gave up something special. I mean, I have someone who makes me feel the same... but it's awkward.

This will sound so... conceited but... I know I change lives. I know I do. I convince myself of that. I'm sure some people can imagine life without me...but I know for a fact that some people can't. My family doesn't count because that's just obvious. But I have a feeling that all the ones who play a major role in my life... I have done the same.

Gah. I just don't even know what to say anymore. I feel like I have so much to pour out but I can't put words to it. I know this totally goes against my whole 'positive attitude' resolution... but I doubt it. I'm being reflective.... but not depressed. I know my life is worth living, and it will always be. I'm just wishing life was a little different.

I <3 you all. I hope every person I know is blessed thoroughly by God. They deserve so much. God is my savior and I hope that if my friends don't accept that from themselves... that God just keeps bringing them close to him. I would like to ask for prayers for one of my friends, Shi. She was basically in the pits a few days ago, but I'm still worried for her. She's an amazing girl, but she has some issues. I feel like I can't help her sometimes.... but I guess all I can do is to just... be there. I feel lousy when I do that, but it's all I can do. I would also ask for many prayers for the many in Haiti. They need it so bad. It's so devastating.

Lastly... I would like to wish my friend a happy 15th birthday. :). She is amazing. She's there for me when things go downhill.

I give you all my love and prayers. <3