It's dangerous for me to think. I'm discovering myself. I don't know who I am, and... I think I'm afraid of other people knowing before I do. And this all started with a little argument.

My friend and I consistently argue who is the better poet. Today, she finally decided to do something. She put a note on Facebook, put one of my poems, one of her poems and told people to vote. (Idk how long the voting is lasting, but so far, she's winning).

Then, this guy started talking to me. I realized something... there's a reason why I don't like to share my poetry with people in real life. I write purely for fun. I write for the sake of writing. It's just me. I put words down that I like, that I feel are the words my soul/brain is thinking.

I write in an awkward way. I break sentences unnaturally, have awkward beats, no rhymes. Nothing that makes a traditional poem. It's my hands doing what my head says is right. That's all.

I wish I could say I put emotion in my poems, but I don't. I detach myself from my writing. But, yet... I'm attached.

There's a deeper reason why I don't share my poetry. While I'm not fully in my poetry, it's that one bit that IS in there that... makes me not want to share. That bit is a part of me that maybe I don't know. If I don't know, then how I could I expect ANYONE to understand?

Even if I understand that bit that's in my poetry, chances are no one else will. They can say that they understand, but they lie. They can't understand. They can have their interpretation, and I encourage them to. But they will never understand why I strung together certain words.

The thing is... I've always been different. Since the moment I was born, I was different. I helped my father out of depression. I learned Polish before English (yet, I speak English much better than most). I was potty trained before I could walk. I lost my front teeth before anyone else, I'm sure. My life has been far from simple. I've had to guard myself in every way possible. Emotional pain just isn't worth it anymore.

Though, I don't feel like it's my place to say that last bit. I... I've grown up in a very loving home. I have friends who can cheer me up, and at least be there to listen. I haven't been hurt that bad, not by a long shot.

Ok, so I've moved a few times. So my best friends stopped talking to me for awhile. So I feel like I have been abandoned, multiple times. But, these things happen. It's life!

I just feel like I'm not complete. I don't know who I am, or why I am the way I am. I'm afraid that someone might find something that I don't know about.

I'm afraid of people getting too close.

I'm afraid of people knowing who I am.

I'm afraid that I won't know myself.

Mostly, I'm afraid of what I can't feel.