Alright, so this is just the one place that I'm using to just get everything out. I often have trust issues, so I don't talk to people much... that and I'm just shy. There's some things that I can't really tell anyone. So I might as well tell the world anonymously.

There's nothing much to say about me, or my life. Other than it's really boring. But now that I've starting high school, it's like drama central. I find the pleasure in smallest things now. It seems weird, but that's how I feel like I am right now.

I think A LOT. I have too much time to think... and be inspired. I just zone out... my imagination has a life of its own. It creates for some fun daydreaming.

Anyhow, on to what I've been thinking about lately.

Alright, lets start with the fact that it's only 9-10 weeks into the school year. For a short time, I really felt that this one guy likes/d me. The signs seem blatantly obvious. But, at the same time... I doubt. Does it really mean he likes me? Is he just being friendly?

It's been on my mind constantly. Then, one day I finally added him to my myspace. I didn't expect him to reply back soon, I mean, he told me that he only checks his myspace like, once a month since it crashes his computer. (I'm with him on that boat. I'm barely on mine... only to check messages, mostly). So, I get home from school one day, and he added me.

So, I go check out his profile. Just to get a little insight to who he is. My heart sinks a little when I see in his status, that he is in a relationship. That's been getting me thinking about the week or two that we really interacted. Is it just being friends??

I'm so afraid of asking him if he is dating someone. I know I should... but I don't doubt that he could be. He's a nice guy, and I don't see why a girl would want to pass him up. (Well, unless he's not their type...). So I'm worried. I don't know.

It's things like this that get me to doubt. I'm just not sure. I should be used to rejection by now. If it turns out he doesn't like me... well that'll make things really awkward. We have three classes together. While we don't sit right next to each other... you never know.

Guys. Relationships. Those two things together are forgein. I've been friends with guys, and nothing else. I've had crushes, but never really pursued them. It's always come back to me with a 'no'. I've gotten good at hiding my sad feelings. I never want to go back to the time where I was always sad. It just doesn't seem like 'me' right now. Not with the way I've been feeling lately.

Seriously, I've been feeling like I'm on top of the world lately. I have woken up and just felt horrible some days... but I always look forward to things that I know will happen. I always try to be in a good mood. You never know who is having a lousy day. I just try to keep on smiling... something will happen. :)

Life takes a lot of twists and turns. Your path is never straight or clear-cut. You have to chose... and sometimes you have to double back and try again. There is such a thing as second chances. Every day, you get a chance to be you. To do the right thing. To just take a chance and do something new. To share. To laugh. To brighten someone else's life.

Lately I've been feeling a little different. Something inside me has changed. I feel like I can do anything. I actually feel like I belong. That's a feeling that usually takes months for me to feel. The feeling of belonging is wonderful. Some people take it for granted. I know that I've been uprooted so many times. It takes awhile to feel like people accept me. I've just plunged feet first into a new situation... and I'm starting to get used to it. I'm really getting into the groove.

I also feel like I'm starting to get closer to God. I jsut started confirmation classes. While on a daily basis, I might not FEEL close to God. I know I am. I feel it when I'm in class.

Things have realy been going good. And they're going to get better. I can feel it. I have truly been blessed with people who care. Even if I can't tell them what's going on with my life, I at least know they are there.

Which is my next wondering...

WHY THE HECK AM I SO SHY?!?!

Haha. Seriously I've been wondering why I have such a hard time talking to people. I know I can talk to them. It's just a matter of starting the conversation. It can happen. I know it can. Maybe. The problem happend when you run out of things to talk about... It's already happened with one friend... so it's boring to be around her...

But another friend of mine and I... always have a hard time ending a conversation. It's like we connect. It's hard not to just keep on going. At least we know when we have to stop... and we usually do. But the stories just keep coming. It's hard not to smile and laugh in our conversations.

Though, how can I be so different with these people? With both, I feel like I can be myself and free... but one is just so much more fun to be with. How does that happen? It's like one has a hard time to open up. I just wonder. It was fun at first... but now I'm not too sure...

I hate the feeling of doubt. It makes you think too much on the negatives. I really don't like negative. Not any more. Second-guessing is never a fun thing to do. I hate when it becomes forced on you. You dwell too much on what happened... or what could be changed. Or even what will happen.

Which is why I always just like to live in the present. The past has happened, and you can't change it. The future has yet to happen, so don't plan on it. The present is here and now. Pay attention or it just might pass you by. You'll be left wondering what happened to your life.

It feels like I've been typing on this for awhile, I'm sure it's really long... but I tend to type a lot. Especially when I have a lot on my mind.

Well, if you managed to read all that, you deserve a prize. :D