I'm hurting.

I thought I could do this... but... it's just not happening. I thought I made the right choice... but I didn't. I can't believe that I just let something like this go. I gave myself a month. At this rate... my heart is going to be stomped into pieces long before then.

It's a stupid thing. I decided this on my own... and I should stick by it. But it's so effin' hard. It's life... but I'm regretting it. I just can't handle it. I'm about ready to suck up all my guts and just say it. But I'm bound by a promise.

This stuff gets worse the more I'm around the problem. I hole it up inside and tell but a few people. Except for the ones that matter most.

Anyhow, tomorrow marks two years since one of the best times of my life started. It's so scary to think that TWO YEARS has gone by. I don't know how time went on so fast... Remembering that time also makes me feel pathetic. Since then... love has faded in and out of my life. I'm finding it harder and harder to believe that I'm going to feel like that once again.

Sure, I've had glimmers of it... but they always fly away. (And for some reason a resonating imagine of a dove flying is in my head).

Standing tall... it gets harder and harder. Some days are worse than others.

But, I have to advertise this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4HpwkJZTSc

I absolutely adore that song right now. I've been listening to it constantly. It's so... sweet and perfect.

As it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind
has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
-- 1 Corinthians 2:9