I wonder if going back home every weekend makes me miss home even more. Even though I'm not really sure what 'home' is anymore. I'm from so many places and I miss so many things that I'm just not sure. I've been going back to one home for quite a few weekends, often multiple in a row, and I'm somewhat happy there. I drag my stays out so late that when I get back to college, I'm about ready to just change into pj's and go to bed.

So I don't know if it's quite healthy for me. I miss home (whatever it may be) to the point that I feel upset when I miss it too much. I want to go back this weekend, but I know I can't. I need to be able to be apart from my home and the things that I miss.

I used to be okay with being away from home. For most of this semester I've been fine. It wasn't until I kept going back that I've been missing these things. When I was younger, the cure was most certainly to go back. But I think I just have to be away. I know that a lot of what I'm missing is a certain someone. I like to think that maybe next year I won't be so home sick. Maybe next year he'll be with me.

I miss my parents, and with Thanksgiving not too far away, I'm getting anxious. I just think about how I have to make it through one more week (ish) and then I'll be there. I don't look forward to the drive, but I know that once I get there it'll be nice.

Never mind the fact that I'm sick and just want to cuddle up and sleep most of my days. There are some things that I just can't do. As much as I try to call where I am now home, it doesn't feel like it. I don't quite like the people anymore, I'm not particularly interested in going out and meeting more. I know I'm ready for college, but I feel like such a shut in. I know I am. It's a bit of a miracle if people see me outside of meal times.

I feel like I'm beginning to fall apart at the seams. I know I can keep myself together, and I've been doing a fabulous job, but I'm afraid that something's going to happen and make me spiral down into a lovely dead end. Not literally, of course. I have far too much keeping me alive.

I've been typing away at my NaNo novel. About 23,000 words so far. I should be halfway before the day is over.

Maybe I'll summarize what happened in my missing months at a later date.

   Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.
    -- Proverbs 2:11